Monthly Archives: October 2013

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Okay to love…

Every so often someone comes along, into your life, and makes love seem so easy. They make it not seem so much of a challenge, but so possible. Effortlessly they manage to balance your attention and your pride and your ideas about what love should be, could be, or even what it once was. They let down your guard by raising your expectations, by opening your senses, and by creating a hope in you towards love and being in love. They do it before you even realize or recognize what they’ve done or how they’ve done it. Before you know it, you’ve committed your time and your energy to the pursuit of their happiness through the realization of yours. In that space you begin to observe that your current reality may be more of comfort and convenience as opposed to authentic and complete. You notice that you’re settling, that you’ve settled thus far and because of them you refuse to settle anymore. Mornings are anticipated, moments are exaggerated, days seem to collapse into the arms of warp speed while nights bring forth excitement and energy that you either forgot you had or never realized possible. And it happens so fast. Instantly, without notice, you’re taken by this force and forced to enjoy, if only for the moment, what it feels like to feel good, to feel loved, to feel liked. And you return the love, the like, like never before, almost as if to a surprise that you could do such, that you could show that kind of love, that kind of emotion, that kind of feeling, or this kind of specialness to someone that you didn’t expect.
It’s hard to fight that kind of love. Even the problems of whatever your past is or has been -or the situation(s) that you have yourself already in the middle of- all seem to be worth exposing and working out for the good of serving love its due fulfillment of the promise of being present and aware for whatever adventure is in store for you by way of love.
Yup, every so often, once in a lifetime, when you least expect it, out of the blue, somehow, before you know it, before you can plan for it, before you can ready yourself, before you know what to do, love finds its way into you. Love probably got there through the cracks in your previously broken heart, maybe the gaping hole of your soul that was made by some significant hurt or loss, maybe by the void that exists because of your pain. Maybe love is not what you thought it was before. Maybe what you thought was love before was defined and translated by the opportunity of experiences and events and emotions that were just what they were and not what you wanted or needed them to be. Maybe your idea of love before was just that, an idea, and not love. But you went with it before because you thought it was. And then someone comes and it all makes sense now. It doesn’t make sense but it does. It happens. It feels different. It feels good. It feels lovely. It feels like love. Love feels different. And it looks different. And you look different. And you like the new look. You love the new look. And now you know the difference. And someone is responsible for that. And you want to show them how much it means to you that they’ve given you such a thing, love. That they’ve given you a chance at love, a chance to love. So you love them. With your heart, with your whole, with their help.
And it’s okay.
It’s really okay.

-see

©2013 Cornelious “See” Flowers

So tired of it … (Healthcare vent)

So tired of it…

Healthcare as a for profit system will never work in this country. Until the government gets it into its understanding that as the overseer, authority, and guardian of and over its people, it has a responsibility to their health, well being, and safety, the idea of insurance, as it relates to healthcare will be a joke, a gimmick, and a scam. You pay someone “pennies” for them paying “dollars” for your needs. The idea is something for nothing, the reality, especially as our reality is now, is that that “something” that we get for “nothing” will, as it has been, go to a highest bidder. That idea and premise is based on and in capitalism. Capitalism has no place in healthcare. The government should pay for healthcare, period. No other system is going to work. As long as it remains as is there is going to be class warfare and imbalance. There will remain a system that punishes millions while profiting and prospering some. There is always going to be abuse and manipulation and fraud no matter what system there is but as long as we are held hostage to a system that “favors” the wealthy, or the working, or the well known, we are going to see more and more of an advantage taken over those who are not able to afford it as well as the super-large entities that have to manage and maintain a responsibility of their network or system. Until the entire system is underwritten and overseen by a collective government and premise that provides the required services and support for ALL people, it is going to get worse and worse.
The reason we don’t have such a system is because capitalism promotes selfishness and greed and we have banking, taxing, and financial systems that are scams fueled by that selfishness and greed. Our leaders are bought and paid for by the most successful at that selfish and greed via the “lobby” system of politics. It is ridiculous and is getting worse. There is no such thing as “affordable” when we speak of healthcare for the majority of this country’s citizens but the politics and preference of our government chooses to bully its people into believing that there is. The FDA is a gimmick that is bought and paid for, delivered to us by large drug companies and their lobbyists and their politicians that are elected through their powerful influence and injection of finances. The system, these systems are a joke and “WE, the PEOPLE”, are butt of that joke.
And the word reform is a joke! We don’t need to reform these systems because as they are there are people and powers that are written into the foundations of these systems that are assured and ensured by the existence of said systems to profit. These stems tens need to be removed and then built as needed and necessary for today. These systems did not or do not account for technology and/or information, or access to information and such a primitive consciousness will not fairly survive this day and age, and they, the government, know that. The desperate and delusional actions and tactics of certain politicians and political parties right now illustrate that they are hellbent on attempting to perpetuate the fraud and failure of these systems because of the money involved.

#venting

Repeat after ME!

Repeat after me:

I am responsible for my successes and my failures. I am why I have the right to be or become whatever I decide and I get to try as many things as I must in order to find the thing that gives me the greatest joy and sense of self-worth. I have no reason to be ashamed or feel shame about my past or imperfections because the truth is that I am worthy of having a comeback story, overcoming testimony, and a victorious outcome! I deserve to be loved and to love, I deserve to care and be cared about and cared for, I deserve to be able to trust and I deserve to be trusted!
Today, this moment, is my most amazing chance to do the thing or anything that I must do in order to assure my safety, security, and significance and so it is by choice that I decide to immerse myself into the atmosphere of opportunity and engage in settings and situations that vitalize, energize, and encourage the best possible me!
It has been an experience, thus far, all that I have or have not done, right and proper, wrong or foolish, that created the reputation, reasons, or restrictions that are currently my story but I believe and know, with full confidence, that that is just part of my story and I get to change it starting right now.
I have learned. I have had to learn the hard way, I have had to learn the wrong way. But the fact is that I learned and the most important thing that I have learned is that there is only a such thing as “too late” when it is over and I know that “IT IS NOT OVER FOR ME!”.
I get to acknowledge, articulate, apologize, accept, amend, annul, avoid, acquire, attend, or atone as needed and as necessary to recover, receive, and restore the order and environments, friendships, relationships, binds and trusts, purposes and potentials, obligations and opportunities, loves and loyalties, justices and peace, that I know are health and possible for me and my life. I am worth it.
Now is where I start. By breaking this silence and announcing it into the atmosphere I am changing my mind which will change my motivation which will ultimately change my movement and direct me towards the goal of my hopes and dreams… To be me, the best me, the me that I know you deserve to know.

-see

Action says it all. (Dream then Do!)

Do what YOU can with what YOU’VE got from where YOU are… Nothing matters more than how well YOU manage this moment, this time, this chance… YOU don’t always get to decide what comes YOUR way but YOU always get to choose what YOU do with WHATEVER does… YOU have the power to make things possible, especially for YOU… Start now, that YOU can do.

-see

Perspective (in regards to support)

“… It is sad how desperately we find ourselves thirsty for the hydration of love and support from people, especially related or familiar, who we feel deserted us; Even as we stand vulnerable to the ocean of love and care that now abounds and avails itself to us, filled to the meters, a sea of supporters and caregivers, obligated only by intention to fill the gaps and gaping holes of our most empty ambitions. Instead of immersing ones self in this or any new reality, so many of us partake and feed from the dry culture and tradition of pain and torment that comes with holding on to the notions and naivety of what loyalty and trust are traditionally with those we know, knew, or feel should have known, rather than what they are possible to develop into potentially, with these new people. We hold on far too long, or give up reluctantly, letting go with a resistance that causes friction and frustration to our faith and forward progress. We want what is by title and definition “ours”, consistent with idea and imagination that is or has been inspired by the offspring of habit, routine, and common practice. We don’t close doors behind us because we expect to be followed into this isolation by a legion of admirers for us, seeking our place and personal value as a vital and required asset and desired source. We want to be wanted by the people, places, and things that we want and this philosophy and/or perpetration is often the solely responsible factor in our sordid and mediocre method of communication or movement.
It is a problem that undermines all things pure and potential, but it is an understood evil. It is well identified and defended by the truths and tales of redemption, of reflex, of recovery. Success, of the financial or personal sort, is sure to validate this premise…”

-see

Excerpt.

“Forgive Yourself” [POEM]

Let them go,

vindicate your tears
with vision
remember that pain
with wisdom
listen
to the anxiety of haunting hopes
left dangling on the ropes
of regret
that mistake and maybe
left
incorrectly
cry those memories,
swiftly
then erase those thoughts
that linger,
quickly
because you need to release

so let it go

find peace intently,
intentionally,
but realistically
considering
that you are,
the most important thing,
the most vital entity,
the source of your energy
and anything
that restricts you
from being free
is an enemy
and if you allow,
they will supply in plenty,
unless

You let them go

forget to remember the hurt
if it helps you to move on
go by yourself,
if it is the only way
that you can go forward
or wait
until you recognize redemption
ignore the retention
or repetition
of repeating
cycles and seasons
that fertilize the reasons
that you can’t grow beyond
the fences,
you planted
and then abandoned

something that you learned
as a lesson
from bad examples

let it go

breathing,
while holding your breathe,
for revenge,
is stupid
and impossible
a self-imposed obstacle,
optional,
and you are lucid,
a truth to be proven

so prove it,
by letting go

of hopeless and hindering,
of loneliness lingering,
or anything,
that is captivity,

and be free

go to a mirror
and see
look inside of your reflection
and recognize peace,
then release
imagine your hearts desire
then dream
seize the moment
as you speak,
BELIEF

BELIEVE,
that you can let it all go

know that life happens
because it has to
and that doesn’t mean
that life is chasing after you

lose,
your grip on grief
and your idea
that you deserve mediocrity
because you messed up,
YOU ARE NOT PERFECT,
you just messed up
and that is going to happen,
it just does

to everyone,
INCLUDING YOU

so let it go

forgive yourself,
for not being there,
or being there too long,
for thinking you were right,
for being wrong,
for staying,
for being gone,
for lying,
for denying,
for taking,
for making the mistakes,
anyone,
whichever one,
all of them that you made,
in the first place,
for saying what you said,
or for saying nothing,
for doing “you”,
when you could have done,
something
better
for letting years go by,
while silence festered,
and you never gestured
towards an apology
probably
because you were hurt
and you responded
or reacted
with a reaction
that was actually
worse,
or made as such,
because it forces you
out of touch
with reality
which is actually
the truth
that it can be okay
or at least get there again

BROKEN HEARTS MEND

and you get to ask
for forgiveness
and to be resisted
or maybe to be listened to
because your mistake
is not as important
as them missing you
and you’ve followed
the bad advice
that came from a bad place
that you were listening to
but you’ll find it
more often than not
that people understand,
because the same thing
that got you in that trouble,
gets them too…

and they probably
don’t know what to do,
they’re just waiting
on you…

TO FORGIVE YOURSELF,
to let it go.

©2013 Cornelious “See” Flowers