Monthly Archives: February 2014

You love me… (Especially) [POEM]

I love you,
Perfectly.
for loving the perfect me
the one with all the cracks,
Beautifully.
taking my breath away,
but letting me breathe
so studiously
your care and concern
tutoring me
showing me how to be a better person
while rooting for me,

I love you,
Certainly.
as sure as assured my secure is
but with the fragility of the truth
that my pure is
you give me strength,
I can endure this
so obscure was my proof at one time
that I thought I would lose it
and who but you saw me falling
and proved it
that I was safe all the while
of my choosing
using your heart as my resting place
usually

I love you,
for believing,
and leaving me no choice
but to leave
to fly away
to see
that what gives me flight
are my wings
and you are there to witness
or be the wind beneath
no matter when
or where
I decide
to be…

Because, you love me.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers

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Today’s -see 2/4/2014

If YOU were to spend the same amount of time manipulating YOUR own mind as YOU do trying to manipulate the minds, hearts, and actions of others…

Well, YOU would BE/DO/GO/HAVE everything YOU want.

-see

This me… (No one knows) [POEM]

Tears run down my face
no sounds
sounds bound by fear
but I speak loud,
usually
no tears
no one knows this me
trapped insecurities
parading as belief
leaving me to believe
that no one
not one
understands me
or stands for me
or is willing to be
what I need
an example of how to
how to
be free
or just be
without the caution…

Lost in my transgression
was my transition
transferred from who I was
to this place here
position
from unknown
to unmentioned
just a speck in the I of who once ago was
a condition
a rendition of a caged birds song
a listen
a vision of remembrance,
history

No mystery that I am as I have
found myself to be loved
for things I hate about me
helpless to fix the brokenness,
an identity
the way I know myself
like in the dark,
the only place I can see
so I find myself
alone
or always trying to be,
purposely
in the company of an imagination
that always loves me
for me
and proves it,
by consistency
consistently,
destroying me

Showing me all of the things
that are wrong
about me
and how all that I wait for
had gone without me
because I was too proud
too proud to doubt me
because I wanted to feel,
authentically
wanted to be loved,
appreciatively
wanted to be aware,
instinctively…

instead I sit here
with these tears,
silently
trying to make sense,
of simple things
just wanting nothing more
than to breathe,
unrestrictedly
wanting to turn on the light
so that I am seen
wanting to fight
for the right of me
and stop the travel
of this blinding plea
this has gone on forever,
in spite of me

I had even lay across the tracks
before the train could leave
and wouldn’t you know,
it was going east
so from the ground,
I watched it flee
instead of what it should have,
run over me
but what more could I’ve known
I’ve such awful luck,
faithfully
just keep on surviving,
such fateful things
and writing these stories
that no one sees
or seems
to believe
are me…

So the tears run down my face
with no sounds
the sounds bound by fear
even but I speak loud,
usually
with no tears,
yet, no one knows this me

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers

Today’s -see 2/3/2014

YOU can’t stop the rain,
from raining.

What YOU can do…

Since 1960 the global weather system and it’s data has been accumulated, collected, and processed by satellites positioned in outer space. These satellites, geostationary and polar orbiting, are the means by which we receive and are able to dictate the weather systems information in order to make efficient forecast and planning for impending weather activity. This is how the weatherman or weatherwoman gets the forecast that some of us have come to depend on in order to navigate our days, in the present, and to come. The images and other data that these satellites gather provide life-saving and enhancing reference for people across the entire landscape of earth. Those satellites protect us, prepare us, and provide us, with priceless information and data for which we are undoubtedly appreciative.

Why I told you that…

If YOU stand back far enough, if YOU have broad enough of a perspective, YOU can figure this thing out!

In a nutshell, those satellites take pictures and from those pictures they are able to calculate distance, speed, radius, temperature, and timing, among other relevant observational details that they can then process into what becomes the 2-3 minute segment on our news program or on our radios or, due to technological advancement, on our phones and computers. It’s no phenomenon that they come up with this info, it is practiced and prepared, and positioned, all accordingly, to serve the purpose that it does. They can, with a quite definite accuracy, easily assume and appropriately announce what is about to come, and thus serve us notice and notification so that we can make the proper adjustments and accommodations, in order to approach the conditions.

Before those satellites came into existence, information was processed by accumulated data and geological reference and patterned historical reference. Before that it was by observing the landscapes and the people of a particular area. At some point early on, it was just a guessing game. I can imagine that long ago YOU could only prepare for what YOU saw on the horizon. So a slow storm gave YOU time to adjust. A tornado probably sur…

YOU didn’t even get a chance to finish the sentence. Weather events that were disastrous or catastrophic probably came in without much by way of warning and thus no preparation and the resulting tragedy and chaos was able to wipe out communities and areas that we can not even imagine. Even with all of the technology and information that we have today, there are still weather events that devastate and decimate areas of earth to our surprise and surrender. And that’s with billions of dollars worth of scientific knowledge and resource available. So the moral for that is that things are going to happen. And YOU cannot prepare for everything. But those storms don’t come everyday.

It is going to rain though…
Where is YOUR “satellite”?

YOU need to STEP BACK. YOU need to step back from it. YOU need to step away. What YOU are dealing with, what YOU are going through, what YOU are suffering from… These are all YOUR “storms”. The thing about weather is that it falls in seasons. Living in Chicago is a great example of the seasonal pattern of weather. In each season there is distinct weather topography that is so amazingly profound in its relevance to nature and the systems of life. The planning, plotting, and preparation that accompany this seasonal weather justifies and juxtaposes, in its own right, the justices of what nature is. Seasons provide balance. Storms provide balance. YOUR mistakes provide a balance.

It is all a matter of perspective. Sometimes YOU just need to move. Sometimes YOU just need to leave. Sometimes YOU just need to stand still. Sometimes YOU just need to ask for help. Sometimes YOU just need to walk alone. Sometimes YOU just need to make an adjustment. YOU cannot stop the rain (I will use rain as a metaphor for conditions in YOUR life) from coming down. But sometimes all YOU need is an umbrella. Sometimes YOU might need to wear some rain gear. Sometimes YOU need to find shelter. Sometimes YOU need to go in the opposite direction. Sometimes YOU need to find a different place to live. Sometimes the rain in YOUR life is a direct result of the atmosphere and conditions created around YOU because of the people or places around YOU! And the only thing that YOU are able to prepare for is what YOU can see coming. So the surprise storm, the unexpected event, the “never could happen” hurricane, is probably going to destroy YOU.

Or YOU could be warned. By YOU.

The first satellite that worked effectively and was considered to be a success in outer space was named TIROS-1. That satellite became the foundation for the earth observation satellite programs and opened up the door for future projects and successes. The word TIROS means “a beginner in learning something”. How appropriate. Today YOU need to launch YOUR “TIROS”. It is time for YOU to launch the satellite or perspective that teaches YOU who YOU are. YOU need to step back, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically, so that YOU can gather some much needed data about YOU. YOU have patterns and seasons and systems that have become YOUR habits, routines, and traditions. Those things are what setup the atmospheres and conditions that are YOUR life. It is because of these factors that YOU are likely and more than likely to encounter certain and particular “situations” that after awhile become “seasons” to and for YOU.

And it just seems to keep on “raining”…

Well then, YOU get to analyze the data that YOU collect and then plan. YOU get to strategize and plot and adjust. Once YOU get the info YOU need, YOU get to utilize the data in order to process the information and capitalize on the beauty of knowing. YOUR history is a great thing here, it helps predict YOUR patterns and distinguishing characteristics. From YOUR “satellite” view YOU can much better analyze and appropriate the proper decision making and analysis going forward.

And it feels a lot better being in the rain when YOU knew that it was coming.

Because it’s coming… And YOU can enjoy whatever the “weather” is because YOU know what’s coming… And YOU will be ready for it!

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
-@seethepoet

Initially…

“Let us first agree that there is a goal, an agenda, an objective. Then we must identify what that goal is. Then we figure who all wants to go after THAT goal. Then we must honestly and deliberately assess who is capable and able of pursuing said goal because not everyone who wants what we want is willing to do what it takes to go out and get it. And some people don’t have the resources or reflexes to do this so we must accept their appropriate roles in and for our cause. And if they are liabilities, we must identify that and address this accordingly. It is of no success to carry our own resistance along the way that we must travel. After we have identified these truths then we must do what we have set out to do. No matter what. We must be committed and diligent and purposeful. And when some fall off, we must keep going, picking up their slack or substituting their position with well-abled individuals that can supplant their use. But moving towards our aim, regardless. We must not deter nor defer. We must be determined. We must keep going. We must fight. We must know and respect that this is our only hope. This is our only recourse. This is our only choice. And we do not have the time or luxury for deviating because this is what must be done and so done, right now.
And that is our history. That is the history that we create. And that is the history that we must teach, the history of our living example. The history of our action. The history of our choices. The history that we make our past for the certainty of a much more aligned future.
And we can afford nothing else.”

-see

Happy Birthday Momma… 2/1/1954

I remember you
saying that you loved me
saying that once we’d know a day without you
and that all you did for us,
was never about you
but that your hope was that we’d hope,
that we’d grasp hold of the lessons
and lessen the weight of burdens ahead
and to not take that knowledge for granted…

and then one day,
you were dead…

and now all I have is remember
trying to forget more than I ever knew
trying to find reasons and answers
to carry me through
trying to blind the haunts and torments
so that I can move
trying to justify the reasons
that “life just happens” tries to excuse
trying to bring back the joy
that your absence removed
trying to start moving the feet
that I no longer use
I’ve been standing still,
I-just-want-to-move…

So I have to remember,

that you taught me strength
and you revealed to me my talent,
and that you announced my gift
that you showed me courage
and that you taught me pride
and how you showed me love
and how you let me cry
that you gave me responsibility
and prepared me for independence
that you encouraged me to write
that you inspired me to finish
and how you exampled resilience
despite any limits…

Momma, I remember…

I remember how bad it hurt to disappoint you
and that I tried to find every reason to point to…
anything that would explain,
but how you saw past those games
and forced me to look forward
how you identified my passion
and sternly pushed me towards it

And I can still hear,
“Punishment will reign swift and severe…”

Yes, I remember…

I remember how once you were gone,
everyone left
I remember running away from that loneliness,
all by myself
I left behind everything you left me
in order to catch my breath,
took me 20 years to finally,
let your memory rest…

And,

I stopped going to the cemetery and talking to the dirt
I finally wrote that letter,
both of those things worked,
I came back to face my demons
I’ve been still for 4 years
even walked away from my vices,
and now I can really feel…

And I remember…

I remember that I promised you I’d succeed
and I’d buy you and grandma a house
that I’d take care of my sister and brother
no matter what any of that could cost,
I promised to spend any amount
and that I’d change the world with my vision
and today I’m finally ready,
to use what I’d been given…

I’m ready to remember…

2/1/1954 – 3/26/1994
Michelle T. Flowers

Happy Birthday…

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