Monthly Archives: March 2014

Today’s -see 3/28/2014

How to “pass” the past. In 12 steps.
By -see

Step 12: Now.

The all YOU have. The all YOU know; Everything matters, NOW.

Life, no matter how big or small, rich or poor, good or bad, up or down, is a matter of perspective. Because people all have varying ideas and ideals about what a successful life is. People have different views on what makes a complete and whole existence outside of the notions and nuances that lead to the nirvana of peace that people individually seek after. Life, the pursuit of happiness, the guarantee of being able to pursue that goal, the ensuring satisfaction of that goal being realized, and the success that ensues, are all pleasing and well affirmed characteristics of a life so enjoyed. The accomplishment of survival all the while excelling at a particular purpose and having been able to maintain a level of function and existence that meets or exceeds the expectations of a person is how we justify or celebrate a life lived well or to our pleasing. A life filled or remembered for moments and events and times, a life that is a story created and told well, shared, and honored by the legacy or lessons left behind, is how we measure and memorialize the grandeur of what the “good” life is. The “good life” is composed of success and happiness, safety, security, and significance, peace, assurance, and liberty, freedom, abundance, and joy, all to the S.A.T.I.S.F.A.C.T.I.O.N of YOU! And no step more important than the step of NOW guarantees that.

“If you never find place here you will always seek place there.”
-unknown

One of the biggest mistakes that I ever made was to spend a great majority of my life completely uncomfortable with who I was, where I was, what I was, how things had happened, and when. I lived my entire existence in the past. Angry about the past. Depressed. Hurt. Desperate. In denial. Frustrated. Bitter. I gave up on who I thought I once was able to become for a very long time because I allowed what the horrible facts about my past had said about me. I thought I deserved the pain. Maybe I was supposed to suffer. Maybe it was all my fault. Guilt and shame had become my drugs of choice and I was an addict, without treatment, and no desire to seek help. And I did not do any of the things that I’ve written about here until recently. I was very uncomfortable and devastated by what my “here” was and so I ran to find a “there” that gave me the things that I thought I needed to survive. So I left every “here” that was in my life in search of a “there” that could give me a better one. But my “here” followed me. My “here” was a perpetual, never ending, drawn out saga, that held me hostage and captive to what my past had been. The lack of closure and resolution had kept open wounds and issues that should have been healed or addressed over time but instead were just exposed and kept violently present in the secrecy and silence of their aftermath. “Hurt people hurt people” is a very true statement. I proved it repeatedly in my life. I destroyed friendships and relationships. I tore apart the trust and belief that people had for and in me, over time, as I fought back any insistence that I was in need of “help” or attention, able to address my multitude of issues. And instead I had run and hid, lied and manipulated, shut down and shut out the possibility of moving on. Instead I ran to “there”, only to associate myself with people and places that were much like the “here” that I had long realized was the reason for my demise. Yet I sought it out. I chased after it. I embodied that very thing for a very long time.

Until now.

What YOU had is what YOU had. What YOU will get is what YOU will get. Neither of them matter much at this very moment though. Because what this moment is, is what YOU have. What YOU have is now!

The first step in this process of how to “pass” YOUR past was to take a step. YOU have to choose and then make a deliberate action towards moving out, on, up, and forward, beyond YOUR past. YOU have to make a choice that YOU have no choice but to change and then do so. All of the steps as I told YOU are not linear but are key in the process of being able to accomplish the set goal of moving into the present, success, or life that YOU have long been waiting or wanting for. The final step is much like the first step but with a time, with a specific time, with an immediate time, this very moment! Because “Now” is always able to change everything. The difference is now. YOU cannot make what happened different. But YOU can make everything different from now.

Right now is when YOU get to want something different, say something different, and do something different. Right now is where YOU get to realize that YOU control YOUR present. YOU get to control YOUR attitude, which is the thermostat for setting the temperature that determines the atmosphere YOU exude or operate in going forward. YOU hold the key that unlocks the doors or locks that contain the treasures or opportunities YOU need to acquire YOUR next level.

The most important step in this process is this one. Because this step is a sure proof that YOU are serious about doing whatever it takes to get from under the weight of feeling inadequate or like a victim, or shamed, or riddled with guilt beyond any measure of ability to overcome. In this step YOU get to decide that forgiveness is possible and YOU get to forgive YOURSELF. YOU get to choose to acknowledge that YOU played a significant role in whatever YOUR past was but that at this time YOU are ready to make the necessary adjustments and steps to overcome and win the challenge of succeeding. Whether that success is against the odds or in spite of them.

In this moment, now, YOU get to try and experience and feel and be. Now is where YOU discover that action says it all so YOUR actions in this now will begin to speak much louder than any past or problem ever could have. Now is what YOU have to be proud of. Now is where YOU decide to end old chapters and begin new ones. Now is where YOU start and begin new habits and routines. Now is where YOU take control and authority. Sure they can say whatever they have always been able to say about YOU or YOUR past but YOU have the power to do something now that completely contradicts that, even if they were once the facts! So yes, YOU get to be different, say different, do different!

The past doesn’t move. “Now” is always moving. And that is how YOU pass the past. With now! YOU get to redefine or rediscover or redistribute the information that YOU so choose if YOU so choose! And YOU get to do that NOW!

Whatever it takes for YOU to realize and acquire SAFETY, SECURITY, and SIGNIFICANCE to YOUR real and rightful S.A.T.I.S.F.A.C.T.I.O.N, now is the time to get it. To say it. To feel it. To do it! YOUR now step is responsible for YOU believing YOURSELF and believing in YOURSELF that YOU are worth believing and worth being believed in. This step is where YOU take stock of everything that YOU are or are not and YOU negotiate what YOU will pay in order to achieve a value and worth more inclined to producing the success or life that YOU deserve. YOU get to do that now!

YOUR past may have been preventing YOU from going anywhere or doing anything that YOU wanted to for 20 or more years. YOUR past or what it once said about YOU and how YOU did or didn’t handle it could be the sole reason that YOU have lost out or been left out of opportunity or chances that YOU long felt YOU desired or deserved. YOUR past could be the same person that YOU were yesterday before YOU decided that now YOU had done whatever that was or wasn’t for long enough. And YOU decided to step away. Away from the nonsense and negativity. Away from the hurt or the hell. Away from the YOU that YOU had become that was so far away from the YOU that YOU have long known YOURSELF to be. And YOU have finally made up YOUR mind to change it. Finally decided to move on. To go. To do. To be. To pass the past. NOW!

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
-@seethepoet

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Today’s -see 3/27/2014

How to “pass” the past. In 12 steps.
By -see

Step 11: Order.

Chaos is hectic;
Consistency is habitual.

One of the most profound attributes of individuals or systems that are able to sustain some type of normalcy or routine that promotes healthy recovery and transition after any devastating or destructive event (past) is consistency. Being able to maintain, as much as possible, an environment or routine that is as close or ideal to one that supports an individuals: safety, security, and significance, is one of the, if not the, best ways to ensure survival, success beyond failure, and comfort in the midst of healing or dealing with adversity. People are naturally prepared to deal with the reality and tragedy of life’s losses, it is the loss of all things -once associated with a particular life- being ripped away, hidden, stolen, or kept silent, or secret, that manipulates and mitigates the mediocrity that forms and transforms the identity and purpose of a person. Any human, but especially children, when torn from the absoluteness and foundation of a system once known and inhabited, to the protection and productivity of that persons well being, will deviate ridiculously from the plan or positivity that once held form or should be innate, to their psyche and practice.

That is why YOU must find order, have order, or allow order, to supplant the void that is the hole that separates YOU from achieving the objective of moving on, moving up, or moving forward.

or·der
ˈôrdər/
noun
1.
the arrangement or disposition of people or things in relation to each other according to a particular sequence, pattern, or method.
synonyms: sequence, arrangement, organization, disposition, system, series, succession;

a state in which everything is in its correct or appropriate place.
synonyms: tidiness, neatness, orderliness, organization, method, system;

a state in which the laws and rules regulating the public behavior of members of a community are observed and authority is obeyed.
synonyms: peace, control, law (and order), lawfulness, discipline, calm, (peace and) quiet, peacefulness, peaceableness

the overall state or condition of something.
synonyms: condition, state, repair, shape More
a particular social, political, or economic system.

verb
1.
give an authoritative direction or instruction to do something.

“… a state in which everything is in its correct or appropriate place.
synonyms: tidiness, neatness, orderliness, organization, method, system;…”

That determines it all! If YOU gauge, study or document the success/failure of individuals who endured significant abuse, trauma, tragedy, challenge, or trouble, at any given time and observe the resulting outcomes in the scope of how “ordered” their grieving process, therapy, or subsequent lives were, YOU will ascertain, to a high degree of certainty the majority of the time that the more structured and disciplined correcting or communicating the issue was the likelihood of a “successful” outcome. Families that are torn apart or broken in loss, kids that are alienated or abandoned in systems, individuals who are ostracized by events or experiences, people who make catastrophic mistakes, and anyone who falls victim to the lottery of unjust luck that befalls any of us at some point, all suffer far more of an adverse fate when not afforded coping and healing processes that are structured or familiar to what they may know or need. Far too often a change, of the tragic variety, changes everything and everyone and the support systems that should implant the foundation and/or rehabilitation for those involved lies inert in the face of responsibility or accountability to what is possible. And instead of fostering the environment and reinforcement necessary to allow for thorough and complete closure or resolution, wounds are kept open, unaddressed, and left to hurt indefinitely.

There must be a system put in place for YOU to adjust and acclimate to the changes that YOUR past has subjected upon YOU. There needs to be order, discipline, structure, and support, of a communal effort, so that the opportunity to thrive and triumph is made known and available. Methods and organization will help develop good and healthy habits and routines that create attitudes and energy that promote YOU to functioning beyond the desperation or depression that many a past decide.

Order creates normalcy. Order creates ethic. Order creates character. Order creates esteem and value. The facts are that the past may have played a substantial role in either depriving YOU or distracting YOU from the destiny that YOU have long been “stuck” in. Developing and maintaining effective order in YOUR process and following through with the continuous activity of working through the necessary elements of building confidence and strength gains YOU the ability of focus and confidence that connects YOU back to, or into, the peace YOU ultimately seek.

dis·or·der
disˈôrdər/
noun
1.
a state of confusion.
synonyms: untidiness, disorderliness, mess, disarray, chaos, confusion;
the disruption of peaceful and law-abiding behavior.
synonyms: unrest, disturbance, disruption, upheaval, turmoil, mayhem, pandemonium;
a disruption of normal physical or mental functions; a disease or abnormal condition.
plural noun: disorders
synonyms: disease, infection, complaint, condition, affliction, malady, sickness, illness, ailment, infirmity, irregularity
disrupt the systematic functioning or neat arrangement of.
disrupt the healthy or normal functioning of.
synonyms: dysfunctional, disturbed, unsettled, unbalanced, upset

Any of that sound like YOU?

That is what dis-order does. Not having order causes chaos and destruction and actual disorder(s), like dis-ease(s), and severe disfunction. The lack of order causes confusion and peril, heartbreak and heart attack. Where there is no order there is surely frustration and anger, bitterness and depression, especially when dealing or not dealing with the past!

And it is not easy to obtain order when the environment or people that YOU are surrounded by don’t operate nor function orderly or to the benefit of YOUR best interest or well being. Especially when that environment or those people in the environment are catalyst or culprit to whatever the cause of YOUR hurt or pain.

So YOU have to create it. YOU have to maintain it. YOU have to example it!

YOU have to find or seek out a plan and process that works for YOU. YOU have to try some things. YOU have to open YOURSELF up to being healed, being restored, being helped. YOU have to begin! YOU have to be willing to be vulnerable, again, which YOU may identify as what caused YOU such grief in the first place. YOU have to acknowledge the (YOUR) lack of order and address it. YOU may have to remove YOURSELF once YOU have identified it. YOU have to stop it!

YOU can “pass” YOUR past, in order, and YOU will need order to do so!

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
-@seethepoet

Today’s -see 3/26/2014

How to “pass” the past. In 12 steps.
By -see

Step 10: Invest.

Time
Heart
Energy
Feelings
Talent

Money
Opinions
Doubts
Emotions

Options
Fears
Faith

Take note that the first letters of the words above spell “Theft Mode Off”. In order for YOU to effectively “pass” the past, YOU are going to have to take off the brake, get in motion, move. One of the biggest defense or coping mechanisms that we use to tuck ourselves in from being exposed or vulnerable to life is to lock up or get defensive or protect ourselves from what we feel is the impending or certain reality that someone or something is coming to steal our moments, our peace, our trust, our hopes, our confidence, our identity, our safety, our security, or our significance. And some of our history has proven this to be true. Our religious dogma and declarations have proven this to be true: Our enemy, real or perceived, has come to steal, kill, and destroy. We acknowledge this and prepare ourselves with measures that we design or devise to guarantee ourselves a sense of safety, protection, or isolation that prevents the theft of our goods, our belongings, our selves, in the shelters of our imagination or in the bubbles of our created environments, in order to hold on to something that gives us a sense of stability, or normalcy, or routine. We arm ourselves with sometimes extreme protective services that are thought to shield us from confrontation or continuation of whatever trauma our past has caused. We become overprotective, over cautious, over skeptical, and often go overboard in alienating ourselves from contact or the freedom of participating in the buoyancy of existence. We arm ourselves physically and through other means considered to be sufficient in guarding us from danger. This is sometimes originated in childhood and a practice that we perfect well into adulthood. It begins psychologically and graduates into being the discipline we exhibit in all areas of our lives.

It is time to turn it off.

Step 10 requires YOU to invest. Investing is the polar opposite of safekeeping and protection that we enable in order to maintain our privacy and primary function. Whether it is with money, or time, or talent, we -those who are momentarily inept at being able to process or progress beyond certain tragedies or traditions- find ourselves hoarding the belongings of our past and arming ourselves in order to identify with what our insecurities and inadequacies suggest we have come to be. We shut down, we shut out, and we close off exposure from the world in an effort to prevent further losing any sense of value or worth, if any at all seems to exist within us. We operate and function in “Theft Mode”, guarded and protected to the extreme!

And no one gets in. We don’t go out.

In order to take the risk that “investing” is YOU are going to have to turn off some of YOUR “theft deterrent” protocols and habits that have been sustaining YOUR sense of security and well-being. YOU are going to have to gamble on the chance that getting over, getting through, and getting healed, is. YOU are going to have to go “all in” in some respects, in regards to putting everything that YOU have, think, know, imagine, or feel, out there and on the table. The smartest investors in the financial market master the intelligent systems of comprehending risk versus exposure versus market capitalization vs timing versus having a good sense of supply and demand. And then there is still the probability of being wrong or the luck of being right. The fact is that YOU will have to take a similar chance on YOU! YOU will have to enter the market and risk YOURSELF for the opportunity to increase YOUR worth. YOU will have to expose YOURSELF to the chances of stake that YOU may be unfamiliar with or resistant to. YOU will have to bet on YOURSELF and preceding and following that bet with substantive intelligence and data that can most accurately guide YOU towards the return YOU expect.

YOU will invest YOUR:

Time- Spending the proper time to gather the information and insight necessary to learn and live.
Heart- YOUR heart is YOUR collateral and YOU must put it out there for the opportunity to have it valued.
Energy- YOU must be willing to commit YOURSELF to this process and work of passing YOUR past.
Feelings- YOU will present YOURSELF vulnerable and open to the possibility of becoming and being.
Talent- YOU have a gift, a power, a skill, a tool, and YOU must use it for the work of YOUR process and progress.

Money- All of YOUR resources must be directed towards paying the price of getting YOU, the best YOU, back.
Opinions- YOU must open YOUR mouth, YOU must be willing to speak out and open up about who YOU are.
Doubts- We all have them and YOU must be willing to part with them, in order to lose them or realize their insanity.
Emotions- YOUR emotions are not YOUR feelings. YOUR emotions are how YOU express them and YOU must be ready to let them out, for the sake of being corrected or acknowledged.

Options- If YOU never try, YOU will never know. YOU have options and YOU must be willing to explore them.
Fears- Fears are faith without courage and YOU have to overcome them by killing them with effort and dissent from the mediocrity of thinking that enables their existence.
Faith- If YOU believe it, YOU can try it. Faith is YOUR belief that something is possible. YOU must see YOURSELF as able to grow, produce, win, receive, heal, thrive, be forgiven, loved, happy, and be at peace, in order to accomplish any of these.

At some point or another in YOUR past one or more of the above was stolen or lost from YOU. That loss greatly grieved or devastated YOUR belief and trust systems and that loss scarred YOU beyond what anyone may have ever known or believed possible. So YOU got protection. YOU hardened or YOU hid or YOU hurt. YOU became impenetrable to connection and interaction and feeling. YOU developed a callous sense of self that alleviated YOUR desire or surface need to embrace people or pleasantries. So YOU suffered the silence in a synchronized pattern of routine and character that has probably garnered YOU a reputation or lifestyle much contrary to who YOU really are or want to be. But YOU were safe somewhat or in control enough to decide YOUR own mess and so YOU have settled for that.

But now YOU are empty. YOU are bankrupt. YOU are alone. YOU feel like YOU are losing.

Time to invest in a change.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
-@seethepoet

Today’s -see 3/25/2014

How to “pass” the past. In 12 steps.
By -see

Step 9: Touch

(This excerpt is from an article I read on The Huffington Post about the film “Walking Contest”.)

‘Walking Contest’ Makes Us Face Life Questions Like, ‘What Is Human Connection?’ And Stuff

We’ve all experienced it — you know, that awkward moment when you’re on the street, walking next to a stranger, going the same pace, same footing, same direction.

What do you do in that situation? Do you turn it into a competition? Who can walk faster? Look busier? More important?

In this short film directed by Vania Heymann and starring Daniel Koren, we are faced with the larger question of why this moment feels so awkward to us anyway.

What is it about basic human connection that make us feel uncomfortable? Perhaps we should all just slow down and take a moment to appreciate walking next to someone. Maybe we have something in common with them because if nothing else, we share direction.

-Written by Sarah Barness
The Huffington Post
03/13/14

Here is the video that the article is written about…

http://vimeo.com/m/88916863

I read the above article this morning as I was preparing to write Step 9 in the “pass” your past process. It was a very brief blurb but a few sentences caught my attention that I feel strike a daring connection to what I was planning to speak on…

1. “… That awkward moment…”,
2. “…What is it about basic human connection that make us feel uncomfortable?…”,
3. “… Maybe we have something in common with them because if nothing else, we share direction.”

I found it relevant to look up the word awkward for clarity-

awk·ward
adjective
1.
causing difficulty; hard to do or deal with.
synonyms: difficult, tricky; More inconvenient, inappropriate, inopportune, unseasonable, difficult
antonyms: easy, convenient
deliberately unreasonable or uncooperative.

2.
causing or feeling embarrassment or inconvenience.

“No present is inherently awkward. The past does that. YOUR past recognizes connection with isolation and abandonment or pain and thus a given moment becomes “awkward”. Because no moment in its present is aware of success nor failure, without reference. Possibility is the ambitious consciousness of life. Until that belief is met with obstacle or instruction contrary to its nature, it will thrive and thrust forward to symbiotic relation with elements, environments, and individuals, that share in its aim. An inability to adjust to the idiosyncrasies of former events, emotions, or energies, will greatly divert the paths of clarity and comfort that should be the guarantee of any “now” that is available to the human existence.”

– an excerpt from an essay I wrote about dealing with the past.

Step 4 in this process was about identifying YOURSELF and YOUR particular situation with the reality in mind that someone, somewhere, is dealing with something similar or far more severe based on what may be their advantages or disadvantages in their own journey out of the past. Identifying was also about recognizing and realizing YOUR specific state and place in an effort to more appropriately make the necessary adjustments or changes that will allow YOU to break forth beyond the stagnation and stoppage of life that holding on or holding YOURSELF in, the past, causes. Identifying YOURSELF is about making YOURSELF “known”. This step, 9, “Touch”, is about making YOURSELF accessible to the answers, healing, forgiveness, and peace, that are available to YOU, once YOU are known, or identified.

In the movie, “Walking Contest”, we are introduced to the dialogue of what we “all” know as that awkward moment when YOU catch YOURSELF in the instance that YOU and a total stranger find YOUR strides at a very second, in sync, and parallel, as YOU both move forward towards YOUR destination. Like he says, “…we have all experienced it…”, and at some point in our lives we have all felt a sense of nervousness as it seems kind of weird to be at the exact same pace of a total stranger. So either YOU speed up or YOU fall back a tad, so that YOU don’t feel awkward. After I read her article I went and watched the video, I believe that it is a great study and hypothesis to consider as we attempt to dissect the parameters of human relations. I found the video a perfect correlation with my perception of our core relation to the past.

But why?

The truth is that normally when YOU do that -walking contest as shown in the video- or someone does it to YOU, YOU do get uncomfortable. If they go past YOU too fast YOU wonder if they are implying that YOU are not moving quick enough. If YOU fall back, but within a noticeable distance, it appears that YOU are following, or stalking, and somehow a threat to, that person. Conversely, if YOU are the one on the set pace that is then interrupted by another person on that path, YOU feel these very things. And quite often react that very way. It happens almost everywhere. When YOU “bump” into people or encounter them on the unintended randomness of life’s journey it is almost expected to feel or seem “awkward”. And awkwardness sets the tone for discomfort, which is the impetus for disfunction and dis-ease.

And such awkwardness is the exact sentiment that we empathize in deference to our past. Thus the past, or failure to cope or deal with the past is able to betray the fluid nature of what the natural flow of life is to be. So our encounters along the way that come into the alignment and correspondence with other like-lived human becomes an uncomfortably awkward experience like the walking contest. We should just speak or “touch” and discover that we may not just be going the same way but coming from a similar place (past). But it’s often that we don’t. We internalize, introvert, and interpret that we, or the other “runner” is not worthy to share. YOUR inability to function or thrive beyond events and “stuff” that should have served as fertile experience instead of exaggerated, dragged out, or mundane exploits in YOUR is what stops YOU from living YOUR ideal life.

The past, especially a past that is unforgiven or unconnected or unresolved, creates a feeling and energy much akin to awkwardness. Like the definition of awkward, “causing difficulty; hard to do or deal with”, the past is much of an albatross and an inconvenience to the productivity of maintaining a balanced and stable living environment. And just as the above article states reference to the human nature of feeling this particular way in being met with other individuals in the spontaneous moments of interaction, we are so apt to distance and drive ourselves away from other people who too have “pasts” that are as turbulent or terrible as we imagine our own to be. Yet instead of finding it opportune to introduce ourselves or at least acknowledge one another, we switch speeds or trails or jobs or friends or states, all to escape the awkwardness, to escape the past.

YOU need to touch. YOU need to be touched. YOU need to feel and be felt.

This step is about testing YOUR challenge. This step is about breaking through the glass encasement that is the box that YOUR past has imprisoned YOU and YOUR identity in. This step is about allowing YOURSELF the benefit of a chance. Whether it be a second or a seventeenth! This step is about getting back the feeling that YOU have numbed YOURSELF to. Beginning to “touch” and developing a system of touch is the catalyst to allowing YOURSELF to being able to release the vice grip that the feeling or idea of isolation may have on YOU. This step is about “sharing lanes” with other runners in the “walking contest” of life. Stop and introduce YOURSELF, listen, learn something. The truth is that we pass our answers and solutions all the time, unknowingly, in the swiftness and naivety of dealing with our own selves. We are so busy with our own hurts and hells that we are unconscious to the healing powers of connection that a “touch”, the right “touch”, provides.

There really is viable and steady proof that touch and agreement is a particularly stable component of communication that fosters growth and relationship for people. It is pertinent that we connect with others, especially as we aspire to “pass” the past. The awkward isolation that delays, distracts, and sometimes destroys our lives in the aftermath of tragedy and trial is most often an automatic reaction to our own imagination of how to deal, or not deal, with things. And we get scarred, we get scared, and we get scarce. And then we walk, in contest with others who have the exact same feelings, or issues, but never engage. We instead just keep on walking. Not so much as eye contact. Until that becomes our habit. Then it becomes our way. Then it becomes our technique.

And then we’re in a contest to ourselves, racing alone, with no connection to the finish line, untouchable, unreachable, in a losing fight to the finish.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
-@seethepoet

Love, finally… [POEM]

Someone wants a love
that wants them
that flaunts them
without secret
and yet private
mature
but wild yet
with no inhibition
willing to listen
that mentions how much
it can’t be without
someone wants a love so sure
and with no doubt
a love that escapes fear
and foolish mistakes
a love that takes,
chances
a love willing to dance
to old songs
but with new moves
and romance
a love that stands outside
and waits
or cries
just to get your attention
enough to shift your sadness
to gladness
for enough of a while
to be the ever after
that captures the smile
that precedes the laughter
that seems to just blurt out
faster
than it did before
when it wasn’t love
but instead
longing
to be released
from being free
because someone wants
to be captured
by love
Immediately…

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
-@seethepoet

Today’s -see 3/24/2014

How to “pass” the past. In 12 steps.
By -see

Step 8: Challenge.

Facing the past is one of the most difficult actions that some people will ever take in their entire lives. Some people never do it. Some people never develop or desire the strength and courage that it takes to confront the issues or the people that are the reason or cause for them not being able to proceed through life effectively. Guilt, shame, anger, bitterness, hostility, and frustration are just some of the roadblocks that impede the progress or processes of healing, forgiveness, or restoration. Some people never accept responsibility or become accountable for their participation in their own lives or for mistakes that they have made that caused and contributed to the cycles and seasons of mediocrity or madness that the past holds their lives hostage to. And these issues, facts, and traditions, all become generational and identifying characteristics that are emulated and carried on in the relations and relationships of that person. Depression, hurt, sickness, and trouble, are all synonymous realities with a life spent avoiding or dodging the past. And that opens up the individual and their present-day existences to the vulnerability of triggers and coping mechanisms that are generally unhealthy means and modes of communication or dealing with their certain histories. The past is responsible for holding so many people back from reaching their potential or their goals. The past, or lack of dealing with the past, is most often the reason that people are diverted from what could be their true purposes and identities, what could be their freedoms, and what could be their peace.

But YOU do not have to be YOUR past!

Far too often we gauge or measure our cumulative success or failure based on the precedents or perceptions of what the broader society decides is the success of other people. So we either live up to, beneath, or beyond the accomplishments of individuals who the perception says were able to overcome, conquer, or defeat monsters or mountains similar or much larger or not as significant as our own. The idea is that we are all human, and we all have the very same 24 hours, and that it is our personal strength and determination that decides our resulting fates. And that is the general consensus of belief that attributes to the pressure of idealizing a standard level of accomplishment, or success, that is thereby the bar by which we set our expectations and our limitations, upon. There is a system of belief that empowers many of us to rationalize that we are successes, or failures, based not on our own reality, but totally based in the reality of individuals who have “made it” or “made good” in this life despite or in spite of the spontaneity and randomness that life has to offer. So the true story of an individual who overcomes significant odds or tragedy or adversity or a mixture, or mess of these all, becomes a standard by which others are measured or expected to measure towards achieving growth out of and beyond what any condition or situation is.

But YOU are not them, YOU are YOU…

This step is about challenging YOURSELF to be YOU! It is pompous and preposterous to imagine that any life outside of YOUR life holds more importance to who YOU are in YOUR life. It is kind and considerate, a noble gesture, to put emphasis and energy on things and people outside of who YOU are in order to fulfill an inherent desire to empathize or feel responsible for others but if YOU do not exist, does that mean that they do not? No. But because YOU exist, is the fact that YOU can add or subtract value to or from their lives. My thinking is that YOU are the most important person to YOU whether YOU believe it or not and once YOU acknowledge and then grow to appreciate that importance YOU will treasure and value who YOU are, in YOUR now, and the past will be unable to control or corrupt YOU as it may have been able to. Because for YOU, there is no survival as pertinent as YOURS. Whatever YOUR aspirations or agenda or belief is, what makes it relevant and possible to YOU, is YOU!

I challenge YOU to challenge YOURSELF to be YOU! By being YOU and understanding who that is, success and failure become personal aspirations and attributes that YOU have complete control over. When YOU discontinue the habit of comparing or justifying YOUR actions or activities to the experience of others YOU are sure to realize that YOU create and maintain YOUR path and the “success” or “failure” of YOUR expectations is completely negotiable to what YOUR journey is.

“… All paths lead to success, if learned is the process…”

-from the poem, “This is the moment”, by -see

YOU have to understand that everyone has issues, everyone has trouble, everyone has pain, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has challenges, and everyone has a past, and then YOU can begin to appreciate that we all struggle with “stuff” that happens and causes havoc and messes things up. YOU have to know that YOU are not the only one who has dealt with disappointment and depression. YOU are not the first person to let someone down or be hurt by someone or have YOUR trust betrayed or betray someone else’s trust. We’ve all experienced loss and tragedy, of magnitudes that no human should ever have to endure, but they have, and they do, and as long as life continues, they will. Far too often we isolate ourselves in the caves of our imaginations of what magnitude we pretend our issues to be. So we avoid confrontation and connection in an effort to hide or distance ourselves from what sometimes feel like a fatalistic truth of our poverty. And we harbor negative thoughts and feelings to the behest of our own inherent and often inaccurate declarations of what our situation is. And we then poison the gardens of opportunity that are planted for us to enjoy with the weeds of lies and facts that we tell ourselves are insurmountable and impossible to be forgiven.

Challenge YOURSELF to let go!

Today is the chance YOU have to start the process that leads YOU to the place or person or purpose that is beyond YOUR past. YOUR biggest challenge is no other person, no thing, no place, no issue, or no expectation, YOUR biggest challenge is YOU! YOUR most daunting obstacle will be to face the person that stands in the mirror of YOUR own reflection and identify with that individual that it is okay to live. It is okay to breathe. Whatever the thing, or past, that YOU have been dealing with or hiding from will exist and haunt YOU until YOU step out of the shadows and stand up to it. Then YOU will realize that YOU are much bigger that who YOU were, or what happened, or what YOU had feared or assumed was the case. Quite common is the truth that we are understood but undiscovered, because we shy away from the chance to be embraced and encompassed by the support and love or compassion and understanding that is the fact that any human, at any given time, is sure to realize.

I challenge YOU to be bold in opening YOURSELF up to being freed of whatever hold that the past once held on YOU. I challenge YOU to stop fighting and stop running and stop hiding and stop blaming and stop making ridiculous excuses. I challenge YOU to let someone know what YOU are feeling and to listen as they share those same feelings, of their own, with YOU. I challenge YOU to decide that “now” is the one day YOU have hoped for to be rid of the hurt and shame and loneliness and guilt and un-forgiveness and silence and repetition that the past has become for YOU. I challenge YOU to breathe. To breathe in a new feeling of what is possible for YOU and to receive, as YOU inhale, the opportunity to be noticed, to be recognized, to be considered, to be trusted, to be healed, to be forgiven, and to be loved, and as YOU exhale, YOU release the feelings of doubt and hurt and insignificance and trauma and insecurity, that have paused YOUR life.

It is YOUR time. It is YOUR turn.
Once YOU accept the challenge!

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
-@seethepoet

Today’s -see 3/23/2014

How to “pass” the past. In 12 steps.
By -see

Step 7: Affirm.

af·firm
əˈfərm/
verb
1.
state as a fact; assert strongly and publicly.

I am bigger and better than I used to be.
I am stronger than I once was.
I am no longer trapped in the cage of my past.
I am free from who I used to be.
I have changed my ways for the better.
I am open to possibility for me.
I believe in trust and faith and hope, for the good, for me!
I am aware of how fortunate I am to be me.
I know that I can, should, and will, succeed at my goals.
I believe in love, relationship, and communication, for me.
I open myself up to the realization of my dreams, now.
I am learning and working to be a great:
Son, Brother, Father, Friend, Uncle, Nephew, Cousin, Associate, and Person.
I am SAFE, SECURE, and SIGNIFICANT in my own skin!
I am proud of who I am.
I believe in me!
I understand and undertake the responsibility of service, compassion, and generosity towards others that is required of me as I do what I aspire to and grow and develop at it.
I am supportive of what and who I believe in.
I am responsible for my actions, thoughts, and words.
I am accountable to my responsibilities.
I am consistent in my thoughts, actions, and words.
I am exercising for better health and fitness for me.
I am able to follow-up and follow-through in order to complete tasks that I set out to do and that are assigned to me.
I am able to provide the stability and lifestyle that is necessary for me and my family.
I have effectively let go of the past that haunted me and I now live free of the torments and trouble it once caused; I celebrate and honor that which is good to remember and was necessary for my peace of mind; I trust the process.

Those are some of my daily affirmations that I announce to myself. I have a dry erase board where I have also written a personal daily affirmation to myself that I read as often as I need to so that I am reminded of my pronunciations, proclamations, and declarations. This is a part of my process that I had long overlooked. I had said “positive” things to myself all the time. I had thought positively most of the time. But often I only spoke the reality. So I spoke a great deal of the pain and the hurt and the bitterness that my past was for me. There was a sense of hope in my conversation but I always remembered and stayed reminded of all of the “bad” stuff that was unhealthy and negative towards my desired outcome. So many of my previous affirmations were open ended suggestions that I just spoke on but they were not spoken to me. So just as quickly as I spoke something positive into the atmosphere/universe I had contradicted it with a feeling or emotion rooted in the very opposite of that idea. My true and honest feelings were still trapped in the cage of my past. That is where my pain was and that is where I thought my answers were. All I assumed that I had in the present was questions and the hurt of that pain. My affirmations were always towards a hope of what I could one day have, they were not facts, they were fantasies. They were what I had longed for but they were trapped away in a cage of the future that I found myself further and further away from.

This step is about being able to envision and visualize YOUR expectations, dreams, desires, and goals, NOW. This step is about being able to announce and identify with the YOU that YOU are very capable of achieving. This step is about developing a method and practice of speaking into and over YOURSELF the facts that YOU boldly desire for YOU and the world around YOU. It is time to face the world with an attitude of certainty and objectivity that promotes YOU to act in the regard of YOUR best interest. This step is about speaking a language that not everyone will recognize, consequently YOU will either have to translate it (not always good nor convenient) or transfer to a place where YOUR words are recognized and spoken! YOU have to surround YOURSELF with environments and individuals who are prone to not just believe in YOU but who also believe YOU! YOU need the support system of support. Support that meets the necessary requirements and needs that YOU must have so that YOU maintain the momentum and motivation that keeps YOU going.

What YOU affirm, YOU will acquire! There is a definite relation between openminded-ness and opportunity. If YOU open YOURSELF up to possibility then YOU are giving possibility the permission to meet and grant YOUR wishes and requests. YOU can not accomplish this being stuck or stymied by the past. The past is the exact opposite of the future so if YOUR memories spend a great deal of energy there (behind YOU) it is impossible for them to be where YOU are (right in front of YOU) or where YOU want to be (ahead of YOU)! YOU don’t have to affirm the past, the past happened, just acknowledge and accept it as it is. YOU affirm YOUR present in order to set the tone and temperature for the atmosphere that YOU imagine and inspire through YOUR work towards it. YOU affirm YOUR openness and energy to the future that is guaranteed through the value of YOUR now! Affirmations are the finite products of thinking that build the inner confidence that motors the reflexive notions of habit and action that create the lifestyle and opinions of YOU that YOU hold as ignition for YOUR process. What YOU affirm is what YOU accept.

This step will serve YOU well throughout YOUR life as YOU begin and maintain the progress in pursuit of the promise that is what YOU are to be. This step changes YOU from the outside in and then resonates from the inside out. This step will determine how others perceive YOU before YOU ever get a chance to explain or express any intention to them. Because subconsciously YOU embody YOUR affirmations and by default YOU communicate them, creating the ideas and incidents that implement the character and reputation that YOU are eventually known for. YOU are what YOU say YOU are, even when YOU don’t know what YOU are saying. What YOU may be speaking as a “reality” is often creating what is “real” for YOU. YOUR language that may be an honest commentary on YOUR situation affirms and attracts that exact situation into YOUR life by attracting people and places that recognize those words. That is why YOU must create the world YOU desire by speaking the words YOU desire. Instituting habits that produce what YOU really want and forcing YOURSELF to routinely check YOUR language so that YOU maintain the energy is key to this step specifically, but the entire process especially.

Affirmation will take commitment. It will take discipline. It will take practice. And it will take YOU where YOU want to be, wherever YOU say that is!

YOUR last words can destroy YOUR past words…
If YOU say so.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
-@seethepoet

Today’s -see 3/22/2014

How to “pass” the past. In 12 steps.
By -see

Step 6: Free.

[So I am halfway there. I’m halfway through the process. I’ve taken a first step, I’ve acknowledged the things that needed to be acknowledged, I’ve told the things that needed to be told, I have identified what certain issues are and that I am not alone in dealing with them, and I have studied myself and my past in a way that has allowed me to open up my mind and heart to being free from what the torments of my past once were. Now is time to free myself and free others from having to suffer the sabotage, the secrets, and the silence, which were all once part of the way I dealt with, handled, or coped with my life and my issues. It is time to allow the freedom of my being to open up my eyes, mind, hands, arms, and self to opportunity. It is time to allow healing and closure and resolution to happen in my life. It is time for me to take control of myself and live in that power. It is time to free!]

It seems so easy to suggest that being “free” allows a person to function in the mindset of freedom. If YOU are free then YOU are supposed to get to do the things and enjoy the activities of free people. Freedom should allow YOU deciding power over YOUR choices and the decisions that come YOUR way. Freedom is the absolute right and entitlement that guarantees YOU the opportunity to experiment and experience with the enjoyments of abundance and overflow and promise of what life has to offer.

Holding on or staying in YOUR past will stop all of that! YOUR past, good or bad is a cage. YOUR future, good or bad, is a cage. If YOU do not relinquish the attachment that YOU have to what happened, or what didn’t happen, or who did it, or who didn’t help you, or where the problem was, then YOU will certainly ensnare YOURSELF inside of a cage that will keep YOU locked away and far from reaching any potential that ever was for YOU. It is the same as being so broken in any sense that YOUR only hope is for the “future”. Sometimes we get so displeased with what has gone on or happened in our past or present lives that we separate ourselves from what is, or can be, by holding on to a what could be or what should be future that we begin to imagine for ourselves. The major problem is that in hoping for that future we ofttimes neglect to deal with or handle our issues with the past or present and only continue to create or foster the environments and conditions that hold us hostage. Some “dreamers” have this issue to a detriment. They become permanent dreamers and never get to “do” the things that are necessary to be done in order to realize those dreams. Dreams should be “naps” in YOUR life, short moments that create the atmosphere and opportunity to plan and rest, not long slumbers that keep YOU hoping or imagining a thing or some things that YOU could have experienced if YOU were “woke” per say. I have a line in one of my poems about Dr. King that reads:

“They needed us in a permanent dream,
that needed us in a permanent sleep,
they killed him
His dream survives permanently…”

In the broader scope of Dr. King’s life I completely understand and respect that he “did” and was about action that produced what he had envisioned and desired for humanity. I revere and respect him with a resolute affection for his stance and willingness to keep going and keep moving for what he had determined was his purpose. I have a great deal of love and admiration for his ability to press forward in the face of danger and difficulty that was, in his day and time, quite lawful and legal. He pressed forth for a bigger picture for us, those for whom he fought for. His dream should have been realized by now, but maybe as a people we are in the permanent sleep of it and haven’t done what was needed to “do” in order to realize it.

I refer to Dr. King in no manner to disrespect or disregard the legacy of such a man. The fact is that Dr. King accomplished many feats and was a part of the movement that made great strides in achieving certain freedoms and rights for people. I use him as a reference because Dr. King’s life was on the heels of slavery, a past that haunts this country and many people affected, to this present day. The horrific chains and cages and whippings, separations, lynchings, and murders all destroyed and devastated an entire race of people. And that past, that terrible past still exists for the truth that it is still held onto and remembered and carried on through the spirit by tradition and habits learned and experienced in those days. In secrecy and silence was how slaves communicated. When YOU are enslaved by YOUR past, YOU communicate in secrecy and silence. The slave mentality also justified the “not as bad” frame of consciousness that led to a mindset of thinking that perpetuated certain past realities into almost permanent presents.

Like “chitlins”, best way I can explain it is by using “chitlins”. I looked up chitterlings and found this:

“Chitterlings made from pigs are still occasionally eaten in the southern U.S. Consumption of chitterlings is uncommon today in the developed world, and is usually associated with poverty and in the black community.

In colonial times, hogs were slaughtered in December. When slavery was practiced in America slave owners commonly fed their slaves as cheaply as possible. At hog butchering time, the best cuts of meat were kept for the masters and the remainder, such as fatback, snouts, ears, neck bones, feet, and intestines, given to the slaves.”

Chitlins was what they gave slaves as nourishment after the good meat and parts of a big were eaten by the masters or better people. Chitlins was the best they, the slaves, could get. And the course stayed on menus and at the dinner tables of the south for generations now. To some, chitlins is a delicacy! I have never eaten them in my life. The smell alone is enough to prevent me from ever trying them. But knowing the history of them and that they are not healthy nor good for you, angers me that we keep on cooking up the chitlins. And the “fatback, snouts, ears, neck bones, are feet” rest assured on tables in our homes year after year.

Chitlins are not good for YOU. Chitlins are not necessary for YOU. They are the past and we have kept them going for all of this time. Chitlins are like the N-word.

Or YOU get free!

The “free” step is about accepting that YOU are able and capable to engage in new and different things than YOU may have been accustomed or acclimated to. Some of the negative things that we hold onto from our past are connected to the positive or good or desires that we hold and hope for. Chitlins are associated now with holidays which bring us together with family and friends and celebration and gift and love and togetherness. So they are continuously enjoyed by the virtue of tradition and culture and engrained in the memories of our identities. Never mind that they are unhealthy or not good for us. Doesn’t matter that they are what they always were, the trash of the hog, given to who were considered the trash of the time. And with the N-word, it was given just as chitlins was, and we began to identify with it and define ourselves, some of us, with and by it.

The “free” step is about being vulnerable and open to adjustment and learning new things. It is about being willing to forgo some of the old habits and traditions, not to completely distance YOURSELF from who YOU were or are but to create an identity that compliments who YOU know YOURSELF to be. YOU get to become and begin. YOU get to breathe and YOU get to live. YOU get to be healthy. YOU get to be free. YOU get to be free in YOUR speech and in YOUR thoughts. That freedom opens YOUR world up to opportunity and experience and relationships that aid YOU in the process of developing the life that YOU want. Being “free” as it pertains to a mindset opens up YOUR cage of the past and let’s YOU out. It unlocks the cage into YOUR future. it keeps YOU open in the now. And NOW is where YOU can best achieve and excel in what being “free” is.

Free YOURSELF up. Free YOUR mind. Free YOUR energy. Free YOUR life. To love and to live and to lead. To be and become. To dream, then DO!

To get a chance to presently be YOU! YOU have been “catching it” for too long, it is time to pass the past.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
-@seethepoet