Monthly Archives: October 2014

Allowance… [POEM]

She almost gave up
before She got to me
he was the reason she gave out
so She’s got to be…
Careful
He benefited because
She cared to
because that is what someone who cares will do,
She cared through
the situation-shit
knew better
but you know a situation-ship
which was all it was
Docked in the same place
stagnant,
in place of relationship

She waited

as if potential would parlay into probably
or something prone to be problem-free
but instead
all She got was parts of being partially
part of what a partner can be,
now She’s cautious,
hesitant about giving her heart to me…

Some things have to be broken apart to be free

but She allowed it
while being responsible for keeping a towel wet
soaking up every ounce of wasted pride, semen,
and brow sweat
because She knew no other way to see men
than to see man as a child, yet
so She had to see him in order to see them
It was a wild bet
She gambled,
doubled down on the odds against him
even happy that She had staked her everything
on the chance that he’d notice
that She was the only fan still in the stands,
when the crowd left
but She can’t smile,
the clown left

Didn’t even care that She cared
He stared right past her
used her as a stepping stool, stone, and statue,
passed her
While She was this fools clone and what have you,
even his pastor,
bastard

And She almost gave up…
had gave him the same stuff, same dose,
it was a different party,
just the same host
She’d traveled different waters
but ended up on the same coast
different bread,
same toast

She required a bare minimum
but put up with way too much subliminals
Deserving something symbiotic,
not even getting synonyms
tried to learn the way he feels
while teaching him the way toward being touched
had to suffer the consequences,
you know the ones that happen
when you allow emotions to wear costumes, playing up
dressing up affection and attention to look like love,
while true intentions are being made up
Trick or Treat type fantasy,
She’s passing out her candy
for him showing up
sporadic visits on random days,
Nothing consistent,
but all the same stuff
I want to see her go a different direction
but She’s sitting still until the light say it’s us…

and She ain’t going
because She almost gave up
got to me kind of different
new set of rules
She say I’ve got to be a specific kind of different,
the kind that listens
Right before taking it to heart
followed by taking specific actions
or She is not taking part
She is not taking starts as substitutes for following you
She wants to be led, so my direction has to be
follow-up
and follow-through
says She will go
but I have to give her the map
for where She is following to
not just plans
specifics put in place of
“All we can do”
say intention is great
but intention mistakes
following fools for following proof

She say,
“Trust me, this ain’t just how my face look
I’m dead-ass serious,
I’m not even following dudes on Facebook,
we can just be friends
Or you can just begin at:
What I’m doing, done,
and what this will do for you
no more suppos-ed ventures
not another concept will do
show me,
no more context clues
and I will allow it
won’t disavow it
won’t discredit
won’t deviate from destiny
but I just won’t let it be all that I count on
we both know what we’re worth
but what is that to count on?
mortgage companies
don’t accept potential as payment
we’ll be on the pavement
and sure I’ll stay with you if we fail
but I don’t want to have to tell our children
that we never built it
and I don’t want to argue
not over necessities
those kind of mistakes are too expensive
‘meant it’ is not even good to mention
so show me your diet
And maybe I’ll try it…”

She finally gave up
and now I have the chance
She’s in the process of standing still,
and now I have to dance
She knows how, but wants to know if I can
She’s sitting down,
observing my stance
ready to feed off of me
Vegetarian,
but will eat meet in the middle,
agreement
and visual
I SEE HER
She’s visible
turning off my words
it’s my action that She listens to…

Allowance.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

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No Words… [POEM]

There are no words
for friendships
that turn into more
yet become something worse
than what was before
or either could afford

And now it hurts

realizing that it doesn’t work
or couldn’t be
had things been different
or more like imagined
if being human is imperfect,
then why shouldn’t we

keep it like it was

people say what they should
when they have to
and act like they care
when they are backed in
forced to make choices
or hear how bad it is

Something about torn hearts

and about being torn apart
chased into choosing
between
Loving and Losing
or settling for perceptions

while love rests on a wind

Playing miss them again
there are no mistakes,
just misdirections
so a disagreement is chance,
Kiss them again

and blame it on such youth

Truth is that love is ever lost
until it finds you
grieving is how it is approached,
until the time proves
that you never get over them

or you win through it,
what you lose

Distance speaks a language
and says what is right
makes sense in the morning
feels terrible during the night
and is crazy either way

because once in a lifetime
is a stupid game to play
where forever only happens
when you know no other way

and there are no words,
to explain it.

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Comfortable, for You… [POEM]

Half-past an hour since,
I’ve missed you
left to reminisce,
I’ve kissed you

Why did we go to sleep?
if you understand my love,
wake up with me

Let’s talk about forever,
again
I don’t want this ever,
to end

I want your sentences,
finished
and our differences,
replenished

We can work it out,
anything
Come talk about it,
here with me

Why did we go to sleep?
if you understand my love,
wake up with me

Let’s stare into one another’s eyes
Let’s laugh about it
Let’s sigh
we can let it all out tonight,
Let’s cry

Show me where your nightmares are
Show me that you’re scared
Show me that you long for it,
then show me where…

and I’ll fall asleep with you,
comfortable.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Forfeit… [POEM]

I’m willing
to give up
words
for you,
and do

surrender
all of my dreams
to believe
walk away
from whatever
whomever
wherever
I have,
to see

in order to prove
that I only want
you
to choose
accordingly
and in sync
with destiny,
just
let me

I’m more than ready
to commit
or at least be
present
until you are,
redeemed

Give me
space
to admit
that I can
face it

the reality
that you are real
and you believe
in how I feel,
basically

and this is
serious
that’s why
you’ve taken me

and all I know to do
is move.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

If only, when… [POEM]

If only you knew

that I tried
wanted to be different,
alive
free fell fast forward
and didn’t know it,
survived

If only you knew

the truth
that it was never about me
that you were more important
but I couldn’t,
compete

If only you knew

about the darkness
the shadows that waited
the monsters in the closet
the fears,
the patience

If only you knew

how it felt
watching from the distance,
missing
caught by the way of it all,
imprisoned

If only you knew

that there were no escapes
no rescues
no voices,
perspectives or views
no choices,
outside of you

But you didn’t know

and no expectation waited
no warning sufficed
no way to say different,
so what was waned
lingered,
disguised

And you wanted to know

if it mattered
or if it meant
where it had started
or where it went,

You should have known

that something else
would be recognized
would be revealed
was going to happen
and would conceal…

If I only knew,

when.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

You need me, believe… [POEM/SONG]

I wrote this song
to break your heart
hope it let’s me in
your soul is dark

and you need me
Baby, believe me

It’s cold outside
come and take my hand
let me warm your body
like I know I can

Oh, you need me
Baby, believe me

Sometimes we find out how
that we don’t know much
what we don’t know now
and we have to just have some faith
in this time
it’s the reason I believe we can make it
if we try
there’s a chance to get through, we can take it, we can do it,
if you’re mine

Yea, you need me
Baby believe me

I see your pain
I hear your blues
I know your stains
but I still want you

and you need me
Baby, believe me

these words I say
don’t sound like much
but they’re not just play
I will back them up

Oh, you need me
Baby, believe me

Sometimes we find out how
that we don’t know much
what we don’t know now
and we have to just have some faith
in this time
is the reason I believe we can make it
if we try
there’s a chance to get through, we can take it, we can do it, if you’re mine

And you need me
Baby, believe me

I spent all my life
you saved all yours up
we should meet in the middle
in a space just because

I wrote this song
to break your heart
hope it lets me in
while you’re torn apart

You need me
Baby, believe me

Sometimes we find out how
that we don’t know much
what we don’t know now
and we have to just have some faith
in this time
is the reason I believe we can make it
if we try
there’s a chance to get through, we can take it, we can do it, if you’re mine

You need me…
Baby, you need me

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Thought for the Moment [#11]

Just BE with who you want to BE with…

The person that brings BEING out of you. The person that BELIEVES in you. The person that BECOMES with you. The person that is there BECAUSE they want to BE and you want them there! The person that inspires, motivates, and pushes you to BE more, or BE better, or BE different. The person that wants you to BE free, BE healed, and BE greater! The person that BESTOWS trust and loyalty and honor into your life. The person that helps you BEGIN the work, or the process(es) necessary to BE what or where you want to BE.

First you have to BE you. No mask, no disguises, no pretending. You can’t BE afraid. You have to BE willing to open your mind, heart, soul, and life, to someone else in order for them to BE able to BE a partner to and for you. You cannot BE ashamed or insecure about what you have BEEN or done. If they can acknowledge you, they can accept you. You have to BE strong enough to allow yourself to do that. It is the ultimate test of faith and courage, but you won’t ever BE whole until you account for the broken pieces. You have to BE willing to present all of it.

There is someone that makes you want to BE honest, BE faithful, BE stable, BE secure, BE revealed, BE healthy, BE productive, BE accountable, and BE theirs. BE honest with yourself, BE honest with them. BE with them. BE committed. BE open. BE courageous. BE willing. BE true.

And it will BE. That safety, security, and significance, that you’ve been searching for. That friendship, that relationship, that understanding. That bond, that home, that fantasy, that dream, that life, that LOVE. That love that makes it all make sense. That love that you’ve longed and looked for. That love that calms you. That love that energizes you. That love that brings you peace. That love that you’re willing to fight, or wait, for.

It could BE yours.
It will BE yours.
You just have to BE ready.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Sacrifice… [POEM]

I’m willing
to give up
words
for you,
and do

surrender
all of my dreams
to believe
walk away
from whatever
whomever
wherever
I have,
to see

in order to prove
that I only want
you
to choose
accordingly
and in sync
with destiny,
just
let me

I’m more than ready
to commit
or at least be
present
until you are,
redeemed

Give me
space
to admit
that I can
face it

the reality
that you are real
and you believe
in how I feel,
basically

and this is
serious
that’s why
you’ve taken me

and all I know to do
is move.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

What more can I Say… [POEM]

What more can I say
About you,
My whole idea has changed,
About you,
I’m willing to change what I have to make my life more,
About you

Let me count the ways,
You’ve shown me,
What I didn’t know,
You told me,
You gave me a chance,
Not knowing,
If I’d ever turn out to turn around the way you hoped I would

This life has its way
of giving us
The reasons to keep on
Forgiving once,
The season has come
To leave
Or learn
Or live
With who we choose to love

And nonsense makes sense
Now that I’m here with you
I’m willing to fight
As long as its with you
We make up excuses to bring out the passion inside while we’re hiding behind

I’ll give you it all
And even more
Just give me your worse
So that I’m secure
I know we can find what we’re looking for
If we try, if we try,
If we try to not to hide it

I’ll find you…

-see

©2012 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Worth her desire… [POEM]

Her desire for
something keeps her
awake in the middle of
the time she spends
dreaming of him to
see that she is
waiting on him to
do something different like
love her for once
instead of giving her his least
expected piece of nothing that she takes until what
she had before he left
returns to the place that
gives her a choice of
whether or what is not
meant to be

Her desire for herself
makes her desire for him
worthless
or worth everything.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet