If only you knew

that I tried
wanted to be different,
alive
free fell fast forward
and didn’t know it,
survived

If only you knew

the truth
that it was never about me
that you were more important
but I couldn’t,
compete

If only you knew

about the darkness
the shadows that waited
the monsters in the closet
the fears,
the patience

If only you knew

how it felt
watching from the distance,
missing
caught by the way of it all,
imprisoned

If only you knew

that there were no escapes
no rescues
no voices,
perspectives or views
no choices,
outside of you

But you didn’t know

and no expectation waited
no warning sufficed
no way to say different,
so what was waned
lingered,
disguised

And you wanted to know

if it mattered
or if it meant
where it had started
or where it went,

You should have known

that something else
would be recognized
would be revealed
was going to happen
and would conceal…

If I only knew,

when.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet