Monthly Archives: January 2015

Love Specs… [POEM]

Ever Love. in moderation, sometimes modification.
Modest beyond reproach.
It has to be honest,
and patient,
weighted
Love must be awakened
Tasted. Nothing vague,
Blatant. Flagrant.

Even Love. in context,
sometimes complex.
Radical beyond understanding.
It must be won,
no contest
In concert.
You must chase it
Love will be ready
Available. Something stable,
Spectrums. Tables.

Even Love Ever,
Ever Love Even
Seasons. signs of
Change. Feelings. Often
measured, in cups
And molds, dimensions
Love is only a fraction
Specifically. A certain,
Particular. Purpose.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

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As it relates to God… [POEM]

No night came suddenly
No day unexpected
No hour unknown
No minute rejected

as it relates to God

No soul ever unaccounted
No heart taken for granted
No spirit lost for eternity
No mind evilly planted

as it relates to God

No child stricken with hatred
No man purposed to strain
No woman obligated to hurt
No family destined to pain

as it relates to God

No prejudice with cause
No slaughter with merit
No consideration for injustice
No thought done careless

as it relates to God

No reason to ponder
No lesson to doubt
No answer to question
No gesture without,

as it relates to God.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Figuring her out… [POEM]

Her words meant different things
but I wasn’t listening
only heard history
and left before she could explain

She said, “don’t leave”
I only heard control
She only wanted me to say,
“I will never leave your soul”

Her tears were for the best
I thought that they were hurt
I didn’t notice the seeds
that had been planted in the dirt

She said, “stay”
I heard her telling me to bend
sounded like her trying to “fix” me,
She was only trying to mend

Her rules were not extraordinary
they were steps and clues to see
but “close” feels like being captured,
when you are a wounded man like me

She said, “I want more”
I heard not being enough
soon her expectations were insurmountable,
it wasn’t like that once

Her feelings were surely right
Her emotions certainly real
somehow I failed to see the resemblance,
too busy trying to conceal

She said, “I want you”
I heard something else to do
thought I had her figured out,
and didn’t have a clue.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Love came after… [POEM]

You hurt me,
helplessly
I healed you,
selfishly
It worked out,
especially
for where we are now

in totally different places
stranger things have happened
I gave up believing you,
love came after

I trusted you,
when
you worked with me,
then
it was anticlimactic,
end
you will never know how

I finally found that strength
the strong you said I was
I was so weak back then,
all because of us

I left,
suddenly
a long time coming
you moved on,
utterly
we both went running

in totally different places
stranger things have happened
I gave up believing you
love came after.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Always… [POEM]

never saying never,
never again
never believing doubts
never pretend
never holding a grudge
never not attempting grace
never plead excuse
never posture hate
never leave to chance much
never attempt to appease
never cease to discover,
never, ever, leave
never find fault
never question true
never want for need
never don’t do
never fail to try
never succeed at lack
never enjoy mediocrity
never, ever, do that

never go unfinished
never go undone
never come unwilling
never come to run

never fight the feeling
never ignore the sign
never trust the worry
never pass the time

never do the least
never try the nothing
never go the nowhere
never give up wanting.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Love, Questioned… [POEM]

Love is tragic
an inconvenient magic trick
a rabbit from a hat
in a lions den,

What happens then?

a stupid decision
like permission to be
a frustration
that no one needs

Why even concede?

Love hurts
and it works against you
like wind, unthinkable wind
that was meant to

Who chooses you?

and maybe bases it on a God
expecting tangible things
from imaginary beings
in the name of control

Where would you go?

Love never changes
it just makes things different
always a sense of urgency
with commitments

When will you listen?

but something about it
must and has to be
or else nothing becomes
just as is with we

How do you see?

Love gives its own reason
but yet it gives none
no clarity for the relentless
until such is gone…

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Every Time You Leave… [POEM]

Every time you leave
a part of me
goes,
wanders about
the where you are
froze
bits and pieces
puzzled in the reasoning,
exposed
leaving me to wonder,
why must you go?

Every time you leave
frightens me
thoughts
about the distance,
the sights you may see
the feelings you felt
touches you left by the bed
a moment we missed
in the shower
what wasn’t said
a kiss I may have denied you
a hug you longed for
what am I wrong for
what are you gone for?

thoughts that I think,
every time you leave

finding something to do
every thing seems so old
without you
you bring difference constantly
something new
driving myself crazy
tunnel vision
towards forever,
my view
I feel like a stowaway,
how long must I wait
until I can escape
or be rescued,
what is by myself coming to
I don’t want to find out,
so I choose

Every time you leave
I say a prayer
and make a wish
send out a vibration,
then take a sip
of the last air you exhaled
or I clutch the pillow you left
to remind myself that you’ll be back
and that I have no reason
to stress,

…And that I will be alright
except,
Every time you leave.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Cupcake… [POEM]

My favorite
kind of chocolate
cocoa cream
caramel sprinkles
soft and sweet
warm and tasty
pretty too
custom made,
just for who?
All mine

My cupcake
wonderful
from every side
every bite
every swallow
every feel
thank the God
that made my cupcake,
very real…

Cupcake
for breakfast
snack
dinner
and in-between
Cupcake
in place of meat
in any place we meet
whatever for anyone else
I’ll take a cupcake,
Please

For no reason other
than whatever reason I need
to make my cupcake believe…

that this cupcake
belongs to me.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Scream Your Name… [POEM]

A great sadness swept through
it left you
for as long as I had kept you
hidden
in the recesses,
prison
and then the darkness
no one came to rescue
or turned on a light
no one else,
willing to fight
no one made an effort,
extra
so there I was,
desperate
reaching to find footing
grabbing at the walls
mirages, all
painted in oil
looting
robbing the very store
that fed me
and had led me to
too
I pilfered the storehouse
then tiptoed out
right past an open door
but for nothing
escaped into oblivion,
hunting
for you
or something like
maybe a dream,
but a shadow would do
notes written on hearts
and balloons
presumed you’d receive
or at least believe
that I would always
no matter what
in spite of everything,
continue
to remember,

But what good is December
if not for Christmas
when all I ever knew
was this
was special
was incredible
was right
or what you said
what you meant
and no slight to any other
but you made me
a certain way
and I got caught up,
you escaped
no present
Christmas not Christmas
anymore
irrelevant, a ghost
haunting the doors
and hallways,
always
memories stuck on repeat
and you not there
to speak,
and they tried to hide your voice,
from me
said that you were dead
and I should just let that be
I should get over it
because Christmas,
was never real
just some reason
to flee
reality

Until I woke up
finally able to sleep
found your spirit alive and well,
in the place you left it
I thought we’d given it away
but we’d kept it
cathartic means
are not always sensible
but clarity
only has to make sense to you
and I can hear you again
in the laugh
and in the smile
of your “SassyCountryBabyGirl”
and the baby boy
who still yearns for you
and me,
finally accepting the world
that you’d prepared us for…

Still got those pictures
even the ones that aren’t
especially the ones that say,
scarred
and the ones
from every Christmas
when things were different
even if they were pretend
it still meant everything
because now I know
what it takes,
to see

So today,
I screamed your name
wrote it all over the place
hid it in the dark spaces
so that they’d awaken
told your story
to a stranger
and put away my blanket
I don’t need to hide anymore
I’ve tried that before
and I no longer need them
to believe me
this is Christmas Eve
and I’m sleeping
just as excited
about presents
as ever,
Believing.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

New words, for Old Feelings… [POEM]

Healed,
the pain spilled over
into pleasure of differently
Standing in the mirror
at a reflection
of what isn’t me
I can see me now
free from
how you held my heart captive,
I can be me now
and I like it

Might get someone
to match it
discovered myself to be,
some type of catch
It is,
quite amazing, I must say
no longer attached
to your expectations,
I’m done killing myself
over you,
action
no shortness of breath,
this sigh is long overdue…

the way you hurt,
helped
your reluctance to touch
felt like a deathblow
but now I know
now I am able to see
my old ways
have new feelings
and technique
I’ve been rescued
good that you didn’t want me

love looks just like lust
betrayal feels just like trust
fear appears to be faith
tears have a beautiful taste
when they fall from eyes
to cheeks
to lips
that say, “I can wait”
with a kiss
and a promise
to sit tight
some people had to be tried on,
to find one that fits right

such an adscititious state
commensalism as a fate
who would have known
after such a mollitious idea
that there would be this day
no longer panurgic for you
and feeling this kind of way…

New words
for those old feelings
I’m peeling off that skin
a new layer exposed
deadweight lost,
I’ve thinned

Cured from being sick of you
exposed,
and vulnerable
looking forward to someone else,
and wanting to…

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet