Monthly Archives: June 2015

all the ways, all ways, always… [POEM]

You will always love me
“all the ways”,
all the days of Your life
no reason to believe otherwise,
because,
all the ways of my light

and all I am
will always remain
all the way of my like
so unless You change
there is no way at all
that walls can keep that inside

I am not insane
no not at all,
just knowing the depth
of my sight
and to close my eyes
at this point in time,
well, that just wouldn’t be nice

for pretending to lose
instead of being set loose
is a fiction of being denied
and I am a man,
a certain type of man
but not without passion or pride

just going about the way that it is,
while leaving the distance to bind
so You will always love me
“all the ways”,
all the days of Your life

no matter our ways
or all that has changed
there will always be
something inside
and not of a way
that is so hard to say,
it will always be
enough to suffice

whether rest assured
or rest so that you endure
I will never feel set to the side
because I will stand either way
for the same kind of strange
and a will that will never deny

while still and absolute
for now and for then
for safekeeping or strolls about
for how and for when

for ever and for real
for You and for me
for the rest of existence
for as long as I breathe

and then for all that is time
and what is unknown such
You will always remember
You will always touch

and thus always continue
to always contend
that we will always be,
at the very least, friends.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

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Happy should be You… [POEM]

You don’t deserve shadows
nor second places
Your spirit ain’t meant for confusion
or saddened faces

Happy should be You

there is no good reason You should suffer
at the mercy of disbelief
the hope You got in them eyes,
anyone could see

Happy should be You

ain’t no reason to cry Girl
not less You pouring tears of joy
how dare time ever hold You hostage
You are a detail, not a decoy

Happy should be You

fix your face from broken
take Your time and heal
walk off from what has been hopeless,
now is the time for You to feel

Happy should be You

Love ain’t got no limit
You’ve every right to find Your way
doesn’t matter who understands You
it’s Your heart, and it has its say

Happy should be You.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

The Morning Sky, for Two… [POEM]

on the horizon
is our free,
join me
breakfast by the wind
rest assurance served promptly
presence with no pretend
a warm side of satisfaction,
never-ending serving of peace
wants done over-easy,
joy you would not believe
skin toasted ever so slightly
freshly cut ties
thirst quenched by the breeze,
flow with me
as we float into the scene
I’ll do the work,
you. just. breathe
and I will feed you, gently
pouring into your soul
filling you to the brim
serving you the best life has to offer,
again. and again
or infrequently
or in frequency
at your discretion,
or as you need
as long as you eat
a balance of new-trition,
substance, or sweets
as long as the room has windows,
sustenance, or suites
either indulge, we will feast
natures treat.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Thought for the Moment [#21]

Today means just as much as yesterday and tomorrow, for me. I am a Father, EVERYDAY. I am a son, EVERYDAY! The theatrics and antics of today are mute, null, and void, if they are performed for the sake of presentation, and only for this moment. Will you appreciate that man tomorrow? Did you check on him last week? Did you care when no one was watching?

I get it. This is more to do with capitalism and economics than it has to do with anything else. This is a hallmark moment. Coolbeans! Carry on. But he is still important in the morning. A card, or dinner, or gesture of love and appreciation, would be fantastic on July 3rd, September 21st, November 6th, January 9th… [You get the point], every weekday that ends in y is sufficient to acknowledge and appreciate the man, or men in your life that have contributed to the AMAZING that you are.

“Father” is an incredible responsibility. It is an incredible opportunity. It is an incredible sacrifice. It requires an incredible amount of “all you have”. And even that might not be enough to satiate the needs and wants of him or her of whom you have been charged to parent. Father is an ever-evolving role. It is a position that mandates your full attention and compliance; It requires continuing education. You must be ready, and flexible. Hard, and open.

Son/Daughter don’t make being a Father any much easier. I know that my role as son has certainly tugged on the rug of my Dad’s foundation a many of times. My evolutions, and excursions, have certainly demanded a specific and profound patience from “Rock”. I know the piece of work that I’ve been. And my Dad has ALWAYS been there. Even as he didn’t have one iota of idea of where I was, who I was, or what I was! He remained who he was, who he has ALWAYS been. The amazing part about that is that EVERY good thing about me as a Father, I give credit to him for. I am so far from where I want to be, but the good that I am, I learned from such a good example.

My biological Father, Mayn, transitioned about 4 years ago. He was the man that I am named after. He was the man I resemble. He was the man that I am probably most alike. His characteristics and demeanor are responsible for mine. He is who I sought out for so many years, because it is he who I felt tied to spiritually. But he and I were never able to achieve the relationship that I wanted with him, for a myriad of reasons. His issues and choices prevented him from allowing me to learn of and from him as I desired to. My own stubborn and selfish ways rubbed him wrong. He felt as if I judged him harshly for the mistakes of his past. I only wanted answers that I felt entitled to. I was his seed, I always felt he owed me the water of his ways. But he was the stubborn that I could only bow and fold to. So we argued more than we acted, we disagreed more than we developed. But in his final moments, as he took his last breath, I was there. My sisters and I held hands and I prayed as he left this world. With no resentment, with no anger, with no hurt. I get it. He gave me life. And with his life, he gave me clues and steps. Even if it was from his bad example, he gave me a clear way towards what not to do. And truth be told, he always told me how proud he was of me for not going certain routes. He was excited that some of his vices never became mine. He loved that I had chosen another course for my life. Even as he felt a sense of threatened and intimidation of the relationship that I had with my Dad, he allowed himself to understand that I had turned out well, and I was doing well. Even in my struggles, I had a supporter and system that cared and offered me opportunity.

My son gets a better me everyday. He gets a healthier me, everyday. He gets a more experienced and optimistic me, everyday. Although we don’t live under the same roof, we have unabated access to one another. If he is not with me, technology affords the opportunity for us to see each other all the time. We FaceTime every morning. We text. We talk. I give him the me that I always wanted from my Father. I give him the me that I always wanted from my Dad. I have learned from both of the men, that are responsible for me, how to become a man, how to become a good man. And how to become a good Father. And that I am becoming. I give this experience to my son. Even while I am figuring it all out, I give him a full version of my whole self. It is the unapologetic, transparent, present and aware, me that he gets.

Not too long ago I was putting my son to bed and as I hugged him I said, “I’m so proud of you”. I then ran off a list of so many things that I am proud of him for. He responded, “I’m proud of you too”. That shocked me, I was kind of taken aback. I asked, “Why are you proud of me”? He responded, “I’m proud of the way you love me.”

I melted. If he would have asked for a Ferrari after that, I would have been trying to figure out how to get a Ferrari that night!

Being a good Father is no simple equation. One of the most amazing things I have learned along the journey of my life is how challenging a duty fatherhood is. Because I realize that it requires specifics and adjustments that are not so obvious. By definition being a Father stands as this linear ideal role suited for all, but the truth is that Fatherhood is a case by case, moment by moment, child by child, experience. Not every kid needs nor utilizes the same things. You have to be flexible. You have to be understanding. You have to be ready. You might not ever be prepared, but you must be ready! Readiness is a talent. I applaud every Father who readied himself in order to be a good Dad. I am learning what it takes to be a “good” Dad. I used to think that provision was the key. As long as you could provide, then you would be a successful Father. I equated “support” with success. I thought money was support. I thought child support was only money. I thought what I perceived was correct. But then I looked at my own life, and my own experience, and I saw where financial support without “feelings” produced resentment. And feelings without finance produced stress. There must be a balance. The scales must tip in favor of needs, not wants, or expectations, or even history. Presence matters most. Not just physical presence either, but matters of the heart and soul are key. That is the real and true “child support”, actually SUPPORTING the child, undergirding the emotions and belief systems, offering up experience and expertise on what life is and can be. Being vulnerable to the experience of learning. Fatherhood is all of that. Fatherhood is understanding the role. It is respecting the role. It is knowing your role.

Everyday is “Father’s Day” for Fathers. It is good to be acknowledged and recognized, all at once, in concert, for your efforts and accomplishments, but the work continues. The joy continues. The love continues. The support continues. I have learned how important these things are. I cherish them. I realize them. I appreciate them.

So as I mature and grow into manhood, while simultaneously taking on fatherhood, all the while learning and living my BEST life possible, I am so grateful for the now I have, because of everything that was my “then”. I am thankful for the “Father’s” of my life. For the examples and expressions of Fatherhood that I have been so fortunate to witness. For the access that I have to Brothers who were ready, got ready, learned to be ready, or readied themselves in order to fulfill the responsibility. For the Men and Mentors that stepped into the lives of others in order to provide whatever “support” was necessary. For the results that are motivation and inspiration for all to see.

Everyday should be set aside to acknowledge the significance of being a parent.

“Kids make the right people, the right people.”

-Rosko Craig, Sr.

That is what my Daddy told me. EVERYDAY I realize, even more, how true that statement is.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Weather or Not… [POEM]

a flurry of my faith
precipitation of my pain
a chance of circumstances
clouded all the same
but I will make it
weather or not
the horizon holds my horror
on the radar arrives my rights
torrential trials to taunt me
a system I am forced to fight
but I will make it
weather or not
while an overcast of obstacle
drenches me with doom
a forecast naught forever
I am gracious in the gloom
but I will make it
weather or not
troubles like tornadoes
hurt like hurricanes
peace coming best as partly
a climate that causes change
but I will make it
weather or not
whichever rain is my result
whatever clear comes my day
no matter how it looks to you
I’m prepared for the way,
and I will make it
weather or not.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Whatever I Must Do… [POEM]

I am sorry
for every opportunity missed
for not giving you bliss
for the times unspent
for lack of evidence

Forgive me
for not knowing much
for not showing such
for all that is going tough
for not growing up

It is my fault
for being immature
for not willing to endure
for an intolerable cure
for thinking I was sure

I apologize
for the way that I behaved
for the monster I became
for being stuck in my ways
for not having believed

So, whatever I must do
I am willing and here to try
knowing well it to suffice
because I want you in my life
and nothing else feels right.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

She was the love of your life… [POEM]

You can pretend not to miss her
and distance yourself at will
but no amount of time spent hoping
will ever change how you feel

She was the love of your life

those are still the things you remember
that is still the place you met
you still live underneath a sky shared with her
and you haven’t found a replacement yet

She was the love of your life

You won’t un-remember that one song
You can never change how good it felt
It is impossible to unlearn so much about her
Especially when you don’t want to forget

She was the love of your life

Those talks were real
and that touch was true
You’d never had a woman
share that much with you

She was the love of your life

Celebrating special days
Creating good times and memories
Not a moment spent unaccounted for
Everything worth remembering

She was the love of your life

Now alone nights feel lonely
and days without her go noticed
Time spent away seems wasted
and purpose is losing focus

She was the love of your life.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Wishing She was You… [POEM]

She has legs that You won’t ever have
and absolutely no stomach
She has Her own things,
the types of things I’ve wanted
She has curves in the right places
firm in the right spaces
Her skin is a canvas with no blemish
as if a master painter just finished
Her hair curly and thick
that She loves My fingers to pick
Her hands feel like feathers to me
every part perfectly formed, and pretty
Her eyes are beautiful
Her lips so full
Her neck is sexy
Her act is cool
and She’s probably just My type
definitely the kind that I like
We fit seamlessly,
bonded easily
We laugh like it’s Our religion
make love constantly, Our decision
play games, and take chance
We work together, after making plans
similar goals
and familiar stories
common attitudes
even the way We worry
I finish Her sentences
She completes my thought
Our disagreements are productive
unlike when You and I fought
I dream of Her
She says She thinks of me
there is not a moment alone
from Her image
I tend to remember Her,
instinctively
She finds the moon
just as wonderful as I do
She’s learned to study people,
just as much as I knew
and silence makes sense
for both of us
We make noise that is good
for both of us
Her favorite color suits me fine
Her interest I choose to supply
and I have never felt so adored
She obliges Me except to afford

and while that and more is true
there’s only one thing
that I keep trying to do,

that being wanting to stop
wishing She was You.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

love. on repeat… [POEM]

Your poem
feels like poetry
I’d rather words
growing things,
me for instance
knowing dreams
gives me a sense
of clarity

I see this for what it is
temporary
having lived
recognizing signs and signal
you are a symbol
and I had to give

we just had symmetrical situations
parallel problems
issues that intersected
but no answers
no resolution
no guarantees
no particular choice,
no chances

Your idea of love
is not healthy
and it is not helping
but you think it’s right
that is why you left me
to find love on repeat
and selfishly.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet