Tag Archives: Motivational

Love Is… (Relationship)

There is definitely a period or season in which your relationship will be even, where it should be even. “Even” in a sense of and respect to accord and assurance and automatic access to agreement. There is a time where everything seemingly always goes together in a symbiotic unity that is all spectacular and in the space of magical amazingness.

It is supposed to be like that.

For a period, for a season.

But relationships that actually last and have depth and definition and detail and evolve into destiny aren’t “even” all the time. Not even most of the time.

There is always an issue, some challenges, some changes, disruption and delay, confusion, chaos, hurt and hell to go through. There is always a problem, a decision, a choice, an obligation and a responsibility to pick a side. There is always question and instigation and accusation and controversy. There is always mess and frustration and misery demanding to sit in your company. There are moments of lack and lethargy, discontent and so much noise.

While the work has to be done.

While the bills have to be paid.

While the home has to be kept.

While the kids have to be raised.

While the time keeps passing by.

And still, more importantly still…

The soul has to be uplifted.

The spirit has to be nourished.

The mind has to be stimulated.

The romance has to be maintained.

The peace has to kept.

Your mate has to be considered.

Love is not just love. Love is everything more than love. Love is all the things more than love. Love is sacrifice and surrender whilst satisfying self. Love is particular and specific and yet ambiguous and wide. Love is gentle and firm. Love is intelligent and understanding. Love is complete yet open, comprehensive and curious.

And relationships require the steadiness of the unknown to abide its journey into fate. Ever heard of the good fight? The good fight is a relationship. The good fight is an ever-ongoing battle for the sake of someone else. The good fight is sleepless and exhausting and turbulent and demanding and constant. It always is. There is no time or room for the expectations or ask that a relationship is anything other than that.

Those seasons of complete congruence are the ultimate reward for complying with a confrontation that is compliment of your courage and cause. That good is a direct result of how good you become in the tantrum of this dynamic. You will absolutely know the days that are fantastic by the default of what those terrible times demand of you!

You’ll find “odds” more often than not. What you will achieve good at is deciding when to debate and when to defer. Compassion and patience are outfits that should align the wardrobe of your wants. Love is tender. Love is an acute mandate that you honor and embody to stay in the way. To be available for the fight. To be present and aware to the unknown. Because you chose this and for as long as an iota of desire rest in the two of you, you are obligated to take arms and forge into the fisticuffs of faith and action.

Through it all. For as long as it takes. And that is matrimony. That is what marriage really is. That is a relationship. Arduous and audacious and ambitious and abundant and adamant.

For each one of you.

Because on both sides, bookending that “season” of total compliment is life. And life requires that differences be met with diligence and discipline. And life requires decision. You decided on a relationship.

This is what you have to do.



©2018 Cornelious “See” Flowers


Thought for the Moment [#21]

Today means just as much as yesterday and tomorrow, for me. I am a Father, EVERYDAY. I am a son, EVERYDAY! The theatrics and antics of today are mute, null, and void, if they are performed for the sake of presentation, and only for this moment. Will you appreciate that man tomorrow? Did you check on him last week? Did you care when no one was watching?

I get it. This is more to do with capitalism and economics than it has to do with anything else. This is a hallmark moment. Coolbeans! Carry on. But he is still important in the morning. A card, or dinner, or gesture of love and appreciation, would be fantastic on July 3rd, September 21st, November 6th, January 9th… [You get the point], every weekday that ends in y is sufficient to acknowledge and appreciate the man, or men in your life that have contributed to the AMAZING that you are.

“Father” is an incredible responsibility. It is an incredible opportunity. It is an incredible sacrifice. It requires an incredible amount of “all you have”. And even that might not be enough to satiate the needs and wants of him or her of whom you have been charged to parent. Father is an ever-evolving role. It is a position that mandates your full attention and compliance; It requires continuing education. You must be ready, and flexible. Hard, and open.

Son/Daughter don’t make being a Father any much easier. I know that my role as son has certainly tugged on the rug of my Dad’s foundation a many of times. My evolutions, and excursions, have certainly demanded a specific and profound patience from “Rock”. I know the piece of work that I’ve been. And my Dad has ALWAYS been there. Even as he didn’t have one iota of idea of where I was, who I was, or what I was! He remained who he was, who he has ALWAYS been. The amazing part about that is that EVERY good thing about me as a Father, I give credit to him for. I am so far from where I want to be, but the good that I am, I learned from such a good example.

My biological Father, Mayn, transitioned about 4 years ago. He was the man that I am named after. He was the man I resemble. He was the man that I am probably most alike. His characteristics and demeanor are responsible for mine. He is who I sought out for so many years, because it is he who I felt tied to spiritually. But he and I were never able to achieve the relationship that I wanted with him, for a myriad of reasons. His issues and choices prevented him from allowing me to learn of and from him as I desired to. My own stubborn and selfish ways rubbed him wrong. He felt as if I judged him harshly for the mistakes of his past. I only wanted answers that I felt entitled to. I was his seed, I always felt he owed me the water of his ways. But he was the stubborn that I could only bow and fold to. So we argued more than we acted, we disagreed more than we developed. But in his final moments, as he took his last breath, I was there. My sisters and I held hands and I prayed as he left this world. With no resentment, with no anger, with no hurt. I get it. He gave me life. And with his life, he gave me clues and steps. Even if it was from his bad example, he gave me a clear way towards what not to do. And truth be told, he always told me how proud he was of me for not going certain routes. He was excited that some of his vices never became mine. He loved that I had chosen another course for my life. Even as he felt a sense of threatened and intimidation of the relationship that I had with my Dad, he allowed himself to understand that I had turned out well, and I was doing well. Even in my struggles, I had a supporter and system that cared and offered me opportunity.

My son gets a better me everyday. He gets a healthier me, everyday. He gets a more experienced and optimistic me, everyday. Although we don’t live under the same roof, we have unabated access to one another. If he is not with me, technology affords the opportunity for us to see each other all the time. We FaceTime every morning. We text. We talk. I give him the me that I always wanted from my Father. I give him the me that I always wanted from my Dad. I have learned from both of the men, that are responsible for me, how to become a man, how to become a good man. And how to become a good Father. And that I am becoming. I give this experience to my son. Even while I am figuring it all out, I give him a full version of my whole self. It is the unapologetic, transparent, present and aware, me that he gets.

Not too long ago I was putting my son to bed and as I hugged him I said, “I’m so proud of you”. I then ran off a list of so many things that I am proud of him for. He responded, “I’m proud of you too”. That shocked me, I was kind of taken aback. I asked, “Why are you proud of me”? He responded, “I’m proud of the way you love me.”

I melted. If he would have asked for a Ferrari after that, I would have been trying to figure out how to get a Ferrari that night!

Being a good Father is no simple equation. One of the most amazing things I have learned along the journey of my life is how challenging a duty fatherhood is. Because I realize that it requires specifics and adjustments that are not so obvious. By definition being a Father stands as this linear ideal role suited for all, but the truth is that Fatherhood is a case by case, moment by moment, child by child, experience. Not every kid needs nor utilizes the same things. You have to be flexible. You have to be understanding. You have to be ready. You might not ever be prepared, but you must be ready! Readiness is a talent. I applaud every Father who readied himself in order to be a good Dad. I am learning what it takes to be a “good” Dad. I used to think that provision was the key. As long as you could provide, then you would be a successful Father. I equated “support” with success. I thought money was support. I thought child support was only money. I thought what I perceived was correct. But then I looked at my own life, and my own experience, and I saw where financial support without “feelings” produced resentment. And feelings without finance produced stress. There must be a balance. The scales must tip in favor of needs, not wants, or expectations, or even history. Presence matters most. Not just physical presence either, but matters of the heart and soul are key. That is the real and true “child support”, actually SUPPORTING the child, undergirding the emotions and belief systems, offering up experience and expertise on what life is and can be. Being vulnerable to the experience of learning. Fatherhood is all of that. Fatherhood is understanding the role. It is respecting the role. It is knowing your role.

Everyday is “Father’s Day” for Fathers. It is good to be acknowledged and recognized, all at once, in concert, for your efforts and accomplishments, but the work continues. The joy continues. The love continues. The support continues. I have learned how important these things are. I cherish them. I realize them. I appreciate them.

So as I mature and grow into manhood, while simultaneously taking on fatherhood, all the while learning and living my BEST life possible, I am so grateful for the now I have, because of everything that was my “then”. I am thankful for the “Father’s” of my life. For the examples and expressions of Fatherhood that I have been so fortunate to witness. For the access that I have to Brothers who were ready, got ready, learned to be ready, or readied themselves in order to fulfill the responsibility. For the Men and Mentors that stepped into the lives of others in order to provide whatever “support” was necessary. For the results that are motivation and inspiration for all to see.

Everyday should be set aside to acknowledge the significance of being a parent.

“Kids make the right people, the right people.”

-Rosko Craig, Sr.

That is what my Daddy told me. EVERYDAY I realize, even more, how true that statement is.


©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers

Thought for the Moment [#20]

You know what kind of love I want?

I want the kind of love that picks me out of a crowd. While I’m surrounded by people that may be better, or more, or make more sense, or look better, have more money, more talent, even more potential. I want a love that has ALL OF THOSE OPTIONS, and still CHOOSES ME! Because I make sense to them. I want a love that WANTS me. Not someone that only needs me, or settles for me, I want a love that WANTS ME! A love that makes a conscious decision to make me a priority, and partner, and preference.

I don’t just want a “soul” mate, I want a SOLE mate! I want a someone that exclusively decides to forget the past, and has no reservations or questions about the future. They just maximize and materialize the moment of NOW. Making the most of US, putting EVERY effort and energy into US. Someone that is DELIBERATELY active in building OUR brand. I want a love that understands that what, who, where, when, and why, HAPPENED! That’s it. It HAPPENED.
And whatever happened BEFORE US, HAPPENED BEFORE US. It is over. It is gone. It is DONE. As a matter of fact, IT HAPPENED, and that made US possible! So there are no questions about OUR pasts or our previous life choices, but for the purpose of being ABLE to protect WHAT WE HAVE by using the lessons we learned, and lives we have lived, for the sake of LOVING ONE ANOTHER!
I want a love that HELPS ME to CREATE a specific and unique relationship that compliments OUR best and is uncomplicated by our worst. I want a love that selects US as the reason and point. I want a love that gets that.
I want this love that knows that LOVE is a process. But that doesn’t mean it has to be so processed. It can be spontaneous and different and unique and ever-evolving! It can be perfect. It can be real. It can be OURS!
It can be magical.
I want a love that sees me as a canvas. And decides to create on, in, around, and WITH ME! And has no idea nor intention to give me up. Because MY LOVE, chooses the picture and is FINE with the picture and point of view. And has the perspective of seeing that I AM WILLING AND MORE THAN ABLE TO RECIPROCATE EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE ASKED AND REQUIRED OF IT. I want a love that wants a love like mine. I DESERVE a love that DESERVES a love like mine!
I want a CONFIDENT love. With rest assurance and realness. A love that has experience and still has energy. I want a love that has feeling, the sensitive-to-the-touch kind of feeling. I want a love that has been banged-up, and bruised, but IS BETTER, because of that. A love that BELIEVES that it deserves to be better. I want a love that is able to get better. A love that isn’t too hurt to heal. I want a love that recognizes pain and is able to deal with pain and STILL chooses LOVE, over pain.
Yes, a REAL LOVE. Human, unapologetically. With reason to stay still, but with room to grow. I want a love that recognizes LOVE. A love that remembers LOVE. A love that reaffirms LOVE. A new LOVE. Like, the kind of new that stays new, even after we have spent the rest of our lives creating it. I want a love that EXAMPLES and EXPRESSES ITSELF. A love that we can pass on and profess, effortlessly. A love that is so amazing that we don’t even know how to explain how AMAZING it feels.
I want the kind of love that knows no love, other than ours.

… and I am ready.


©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers

Thought for the Moment… [#19]

Hey YOU…

I believe you. I believe in you. I believe FOR you! Sending a confident trust with the EXPECTATION of fulfillment toward you. Sending vibration and reverberations throughout the UNIVERSE, on YOUR behalf. Speaking into the atmosphere, positivity and peace, for YOUR sake. Meditating and breathing good STRONG thoughts about YOUR very existence.

I want you to thrive! I want you to thrust forward- with SO MUCH zeal and tenacity- into the space and time of NOW! I want you to progress and prosper, indeed.

You deserve a chance. YOU ARE ENTITLED TO A CHANCE. No reason other than for having breath in YOUR body, and having the willingness to explore, experience, and EXAMPLE any, or EVERY option that awaits YOUR deliberate practice. I see YOU taking a chance. I see YOU MAKING THE MOST and BEST of the chances that you get. I admire that in you. I admire that about you.

It IS your turn! This IS your time. YOU ARE READY. NOW!

… There is an opportunity awaiting you, and I believe that YOU are prepared and the particular person to take it. I not only wish YOU the best, but I expect it from you, and I look forward to all of the AMAZINGNESS that you ARE going to do with what happens. So excited FOR you!


I have a feeling… [POEM]

I have a feeling
that soon they will be dead
those who hold the stories,
and the truth within their head
the remnants and our reservoir,
the elders and the guides
the ones who lived the story
who know the truth some choose to hide
soon, they will depart
leaving youth and lust behind
to settle into history
amongst the figures a past defined
I have a feeling
that we are not prepared
we didn’t do the diligence
towards a justice we hadn’t faired
and so something will move on
abandon us to ourselves
and for what we have not
a future will await us unwell
I have a feeling
strong, sure, and loud
that lessons will soon leave here
ones we will know nothing else about.


©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers

Thought for the Moment… [#18]


At every moment, with any moment, while you are in the moment, ENJOY YOURSELF. Because promises are mere moments. And if you KNOW that, you can have this next level peace of mind- that I call REST ASSURANCE- in all matters. That “rest assurance” is a particular brand of confidence and comprehension that is so often unknown to people. In addition to being unknown, it is so unfamiliar to many because the status quo and regimens of what has been tradition or routine has been instrumental in clouding and distorting the view of where you could be, or what you should be doing. So you’ve left the moment. As a matter of plain fact, you’ve abandoned the moment! You’ve surrendered it for the sake of some awareness. For the sake of sacrifice. For the situation of settlement. For a sense of self-martyrdom. For the trap of self-righteousness. What a trap.
Nonetheless, the moment is there. Or here. This is the moment. And you know what, the moment is yours. It is yours to help or to be helped, it is even yours to hurt or be hurt. For real.
My advice, “Move like you mean it!”… Keep going, keep doing, and definitely KEEP LIVING. Because LIFE GOES ON. And you will miss every moment of it, being stuck or stagnant somewhere else. Caught in some expired or expensive moment. One that has cost you time, energy, and even money that you should not have to lose. Not when moments are the most abundant resource available. At any given moment, simultaneously, there are an infinite number of possibilities at your discretion. Many of which you are not aware of, don’t see, can’t recognize, will never even attempt to engage-for whatever the reason- but they are there! And while you are festering in the dysfunction of some stale assortment of frozen time-sicle, well there is a fresh batch of custom, personalized, ready and available, suited to your desires and taste, moments, right in front of you!
 I know you’re being told that the point of life is to procure a sense of ownership and identity in the scheme of the bigger picture, but I believe you may be looking at it wrong. Value and worth are so distorted in the picture and perception of what we either define or deny “perfection” to be. What “perfect” really is depends on what you REALLY want, and what it means to you. And that “perfect” so often does not mean the worldly standard and definite of what “perfection” should resemble.
And getting caught up on how things should (look, feel, be) has been proven, time and again, to be a sure-fire way to miss a moment! And the results, catastrophic, detrimental, and even deadly.
Yes, so LIVE. Live in and for the moment. Live at the moment. Make sure that whatever the choice and decision that you make is one that you can LIVE with, and MOVE LIKE YOU MEAN IT! And know that the real trick to the understanding of moments is realizing that as a human, you are entitled to admission into humanity and with humanity comes other humans that will enter your life or circle and their presence may be but a mere moment. They are guaranteed the same free-will and opportunity to shift, change, and decide, as you. To no fault of yours and sometimes at no fault of their own. It sounds almost irresponsible to present the argument that no one bears a certain accountability for the change, alteration, abruption, or interruption of things, but one of the truest sayings that you will ever here is one of the most accurate contingencies that is sure to materialize… SH*T HAPPENS. For real. And it can happen at any moment.

Move… [POEM]

awaken to arise
sunrise of surprise,

inspired to intention
devoid of dissension,

passionate to purpose
compassionate of courage,

favor to faith
patience of pace,

mirror to morrow
survivor of sorrow,

want to will
suffer to still,

motivated to matter
appreciative of after,

goal to greatness
shadow of statements,

right to reason
bastion of believing,

living to love
abundance of above,

potential to possible
oblivious of obstacles,

never to now
world of wow,


©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers

Thought for the Moment [#7]

Stop asking/begging/wishing for people to love you the way “you want to be loved”.

It’s almost an impossible trek.

What you should look for is someone who loves themselves the way you want to be loved.

That way, “loving you”, that way, is something NATURAL and automatic to them.

If you find someone willing to change and alter everything about themselves, to accommodate you, eventually you are going to find [that] person either diluted of their true self or a person with only a perpetrated version of who they believe YOU WANT them to be. And that is draining. It will drain them. It will become a drain to you. And you’ll ultimately lose them or their attention to someone who allows and accepts them for being WHO THEY ARE!

Even before that eventuality though, you’ll probably get bored and tired of someone who is only obeying your command and not capable of any individuality or ability to exhibit or express their innate love ability, on their own, to you. Because you will only have a person who is suffering to you.

A mate who submits to you is one who knows their own power but is strong enough to give you a sense of control and authority for the sake of a mutual objective. A person who surrenders to you is someone who has “given up” such power or control of themselves and has either desperately, or under duress, lost such to someone or something outside of themselves. Love is no fun under surrender. It’s not even love. It is control and captivity, made possible through insecurity and fear.

Such is how and why distrust, dishonesty, and disloyalty, are able to deconstruct and disable a relationship, by becoming it’s disease.

You do deserve to be loved, a particular and specific way, but know that way is not often going to find you. You have to find it, in you. Then you have to study and learn ALL ABOUT it. Then you have to spend time with it and nurture it into a well-meaning and deserving thing. You must test and try it, on yourself. Then you must offer it up to the vulnerability and unknowingness of what “life” is.
Because people can try their best and damnedest to want to give you the specific love that you desire/deserve, but “life” happens. Things happen. Stuff happens. And when things happen, people revert to what are their automatic default settings, their internal feelings and emotions. Those feelings, thoughts, or actions, are what they feel and believe about of and for themselves. They are reflex and natural. Without provocation they are tuning and preferences aligned with their own wants and needs.
So when faced or presented with adverse situation and/or consequence, how they love becomes relative to a defense mechanism. A protection, a shield.
If how you fit in their lives is a matter of their constructing, and not a natural compliment to their composure, you will be severed and sacrificed as a matter of survival. It’s personal, having nothing at all to do with you, it’s about them. It’s about doing what is best for them.

Same with you. If you step outside of your body and true self to make yourself like or love someone, for their sake especially, and that love is unreciprocated or unrequited, you will- in the event of chaos or consequence- abandon that sacrifice, to save yourself. Sometimes you don’t even need to be prompted by an event, because a lack of emotion or energy, substantial enough to adequately satisfy your needs and desires, will be grounds for you to redirect your attention and focus from someone who is unable to recognize or receive you properly. That “proper” is according to your specific request, of which you are entitled and expected to have.
Too often, people forget themselves for the sake of relationship or companionship, in order to present a particular perception. It’s for an image, for an idea, for someone else!

Love, the kind you are looking for, or the kind that is looking for you, takes time to materialize. It requires time to be learned and tested. It requires elements and stages of cycles and seasons in order to grow beyond the surface and appearance. That “real” love takes a great deal of experience and expertise, per say, in order to be conscious and aware, the way it needs to be present for you. Or from you.

You have to do it. You have to go through what you have to go through and learn what must be learned. That requires experiences and time. It will most likely include some hurt and harm, self-inflicted, to be sure and certain. It is a process. An arduously time-consuming delicate process. And it comes without guarantee. Because love is a gamble, subject to the law of chance and risk. You may win, you may lose. And neither has anything to do with luck.

They have EVERYTHING to do with you. Theoretically, you’re the only one that can deal with you the way you need to be dealt with. You set the terms and pace of how you are loved. You determine what you will or will not allow, take, do, or sacrifice. You make the choices and decisions about who comes into your life, and how they play whatever part they do. You determine when and all other matters relevant to what is in your control.

And then you give that all up to chance. And hope that it works out. Not for the best, but for you.


©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers

is not optional… [POEM]

My faith
My beauty
My love

is not optional

They are given freely
not to save you
but to free me
so I offer them
with reckless abandon,

Beyond measure
and above reproach
I surrender selflessly,
my most inner of feelings
to be exposed
and shared

even though I’m scared
My fear,
is not optional

through the storms
of circumstances
and every chance I have
to give
through the situations
for which I have
to live

My story,
is not optional

the magnificent
that met misery
that materialized into madness
but manifested
into more

I took it all
hands raised toward heaven
face down on the floor


My determination,
is not optional

nor is my belief
or my spirit
or my rage
or my sincerity
or my hope
or my trust
or my integrity
or my want

I have every intention to win
to survive
to live

I won’t die

That kind of death,
is not optional.


©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers