Can I tell you something?🗣
You probably weren’t “equally yolked” in the first place; You were equally (similarly) shelled.
Let me explain:
Your outsides matched. You sounded the same. Liked comparatively. Appeared familiar. Communicated in language and tone that was easier to comprehend. Had commonality. Related in an identifiable fashion. Possessed and prayed towards conjoined destiny’s. Knew the same people. Had the same, or similar, friends, or job, or story. Or faith, or fears. Shared community.
… On the outside (the shell).
But on the inside… You couldn’t have been 2 more different people. Nothing agreeable. Everything a fight. Each moment a battle. What isn’t a battle is bound silence and the mediocrity of pretending to not have objection or an opinion. Not about control, but a sincere deviance from how that other person purports or pictures themselves to be.
You recognized one another. But you have no idea of how to understand who one another is.
See, when you’re equally shelled, the “other things” can keep you together. Money fixes shells. Clothes costume shells. Makeup and cosmetic work improve shells. Environments can influence shells. People can disguise and hide themselves amongst shells. You can dress up a shell to look like, be like, and blend into other shells.
Sex works, on shells. Cars and houses and trips, impress shells. Jewelry mesmerizes shells. The light, and the dark, affect the shell in certain ways. Music and tv can draw the attention of shells, rather easily. Shells can be camouflaged and manipulated to cooperate with the idealistic requirements of other shells. Shells tend to be collected and paired according to appearance. In cartons per say.
And that’s where you found the last assortment of shells you went through.
On the inside (the yolk)…
Being equally yolked means that you are intrinsically and instinctively thread by the character and value of your spirit-worth. Yolks are your true feelings, purpose, calling, and character. Not just who you are behind the mask, your yolk is who you are without it. Yolks are more than your story. Your yolk is every word and moment and encounter that creates you. Your yolk is your true intention and desire, feeling and fantasy, high and low. Your yolk is not what you say aloud. It is what you’ve not said, been afraid to say, and held in. Your yolk is your innermost collection of thoughts and reflection. Your processes and anecdotes. Your comfort zones and coping mechanisms. Your yolk is where your true identity lives. Where your absolute aspirations and perfect imaginations call home.
Shells are about attention whereas yolks are about intention. Shells are who you are in the crowd; Yolks are what you are when alone. Shells are defined by what someone sees in you. Yolks are characterized by who you see in yourself. Shells are your religion. Yolks are your spirituality.
I’ve heard it so often said that two people, in relationship, should be equally yoked. Growing up in and around the church, I’d always taken that phrase and received it analogously to the context of an egg. I always thought I was hearing the word “yolk” Y-O-L-K. And it made sense to me. Somehow I deduced it into the process of making eggs for breakfast. I would only imagine that it’d make sense to crack similar eggs to make a dish. I took the contrary to mean an extreme: you don’t want to mix fresh eggs with rotten ones. And thus I began psychoanalyzing the process in order to rectify my discomfort with the phrase I’d heard so often. Not once had I actually read the scripture to see that I was thinking of the wrong “yolk” the entire time. That’s probably what my angst and anxiety stemmed from. My spirit was telling me to go and read the words for myself, because I had the wrong idea.
But I didn’t and instead I went years working on my yolk/shell concept.
I was today years old when I read the scripture and saw that the word was “yoke” Y-O-K-E. That threw an entire flag onto my field of play. Because I know what the word “yoke” means. And in context to marriage, or relationship for that matter, I don’t like using that word one bit!
“Yoke” means harness. When I see or hear the word I think of animals and slavery. Not humans and marriage. Even if I try to accept it to represent relationship, I am quickly chastened to the reality that there is someone controlling the yoke. Someone that is not the persons under its control. And I don’t like that even more.
Plus, I don’t think that most people know that the scripture says YOKE, as opposed to YOLK.
But I digress.
And “yolk” it is.
With that, back to my point…
Most times that people say that they are “equally yolked”, they are talking about being equally shelled. “Equally shelled” does not often produce a partnership/relationship/marriage that can withstand the extreme conditions that will undoubtedly encounter your union. And quite honestly, shells can’t withstand all that pressure; They break. Being equally shelled will mean that you are both just as vulnerable and exposed to the fragility and risk that comes with such a thin layer of substance “covering” you.
I hope this is making sense. I pray that you know your yolk. That part that you’re holding beyond what we all see. I hope that you’re looking for someone to match that. After they know their own yolk. And are prepared to break through the facade and disguise to open up truly. Not just someone who is cracked and has some of the goodness seeping out.
Because ofttimes that’s what we see, and get… the seepage. The bits and pieces, the particles, the hints, the potential. The “what they could be”. The ingredients dressed as a finished meal.
And we try to digest that. Try to act like it is feeding us, satiating our appetite, satisfying our palate, soothing our hunger for the humankind.
And we eat that until we can’t pretend anymore. Or until we realize that we have a taste for the real thing. Or a desire for something/someone else. More fulfilling, more suited to our table. More in our budget. More like us. More… equal.
Someone we can yoke.
And who we don’t mind being yoked to.
I get that one now, too.
Time to eat.