Part 21.

Last night I went to bed, for the first time in almost 30 years, knowing that Hazel Ezell was no longer on this earth. I went to bed knowing that when I woke up this morning I was not going to wake up still full of the want and desire for her to be charged, arrested, and convicted for murdering my Mother. I went to bed not sick from obsessing over wanting “justice”.
I went to bed knowing that the bogeyman was no longer possibly lurking around every corner that I turn. I went to bed knowing that there was absolutely no chance of me running into her the next day.

Last night I went to bed knowing that no matter the fact that she seemed to have escaped justice and been able to evade prosecution, she was no longer going to be a living reminder of how messed up this world can be.

My wife woke me up 3 times last night. From a deep and peaceful sleep. A hard sleep. A sleep that I don’t recall me ever being able to have. She woke me up because she says I was snoring louder than I have ever snored before!
Every time she woke me up, I went right back to that peaceful sleep. Her waking me up didn’t interrupt my sleep not one bit. I was able to instantly turn over and continue calling every hog on the farm, lol!

I haven’t slept like that since I was a child. I haven’t had any rest since I was a child. I haven’t been able to rest, since I was a child.

Part 21.
Un-arRESTed Development.

Hazel had people that supported her. She had friends and family that loved and cared for her. She had people that have great stories and memories with her. Hell, I have a couple of funny stories with her. I have a deep and intricate history with her. I have memories, and pictures, of times with her.

She was family. I can’t get away from that.

Hazel has people that thought the world of her. A lot of those people didn’t and don’t know the evil that she’d done. They don’t know our history and experience with her. They didn’t know all of the drama, chaos, and trouble she caused. Sh¡t my Mother covered up when we were kids, and forbade me to tell. Stuff that people should have known, and had they known, it would have or at least could have changed the trajectory and outcome of all of this.

There are people, many people that I know and love, care for, and consider friends and family, that are grieving her death. There are pictures on my timeline of Hazel. Pictures with words of care and concern and consideration and compassion.

Some of those words coming from people that I consider family. That my Mother considered family. That are blood related to my blood family.

Then, there are a great deal of people that do know exactly what she had done. They chose to support her still. They chose to be her family and friend regardless. Some of them have tried to be both family to her and to my siblings and I. A lot of them have not. They’ve been unable to maintain whatever level of diplomacy or dysfunction, necessary to be in the middle.

For almost 30 years, I considered all of that. I had to. I had to be the “adult” in this room. I’ve been the one responsible for trying to keep peace while seeking justice, fighting for my Mom, and not losing my sh¡t. I was the one that knew details that only my Mother, Hazel, and I knew. My Mother no longer here to tell, and Hazel not telling. I was the only one that was present for their fights and had been in that house when things went bad. I was the one that knew the details and parts of this story, other than Hazel, that the world didn’t know.

After my Mom’s murder I was the only one that talked to the police. I was who the police, the medical examiner, the States Attorney, and anyone else talked to. Because the world went silent after my Mom was killed. Everyone shutdown, ran away, left. Even my dad. Even my Mom’s siblings. EVERYONE.

And I was just a kid.

A kid that chose to not be silent. I’ve continued to tell our story. The same story. For 30 years.

The luxury that Hazel benefited from was that I was a child back then and without the support that we needed, she was able to shift the narrative and blame. She was able to lie and mislead and distract. She did that. And a damn good job of it. She also benefited from my bleeding heart. My understanding and compassion for her children. My consideration of our family. I didn’t want anyone- outside of Hazel- to pay for what she had done. At the same time, I’d always understood what she’d done and I felt I had a pretty good idea of why she did it.

So I reached out to and for Hazel. For years. I privately and discreetly sent her messages and invitations to come and talk to me. (Check some of my previous posts. I’ve taken pictures and screenshots of my dms and messages to her.) I’d asked for mutual parties that knew us to facilitate a meeting. In 2013 I wrote an open letter and gave some details that only she and I knew, to let her know that I had information and I’d been informed of things that would be detrimental to a case against her if it had ever been presented to a jury or a judge. Hazel averted that and avoided me. She did the latter at all costs. There are people that will attest and affirm to just how strategic and desperate her attempts to avoid me were.

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Let me pause for a second and say something to ANYONE that has something they want to say to me about what I’m saying (Specifically the people that picked her “side”): I made that easy for y’all to do. I got out of the way. Because this wasn’t ever about me versus any of you. This was about me & Hazel. It was about what Hazel did to my Mother. It was about truth and fact and what our experience was. Not about your feelings. Not about your delusions. Not about your opinions. I made it easier for y’all to choose her because anyone that it required a choice for, I have no use for. I didn’t need to convince any of y’all. I don’t try to. Also, I forgave her. Because I was able to do that, KNOWING what she did, I can accept and understand any of y’all being able to. But not one of you has a leg to stand on if your position is outside of the truth. And again, as I’ve ALWAYS stated, and had proof of, your feelings can’t face my facts.
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Last night I slept.
I woke up this morning, different.

There had to be an end to this. In order for me to be and do what God has purposed for me to be and do. In order for me to do what I have planned and the potential to be and do. In order for me to be able to use my power to do what I know I can be and do. I’ve done all that I could, operating from this space. The 15-year-old me that had been trying to do this, this entire time, had done enough. I’ve done well. Did all that I could. That part of me could do no more. So, it had to end. There had to be an end. I needed clarity. I needed closure. I needed to be free. Free of the shadow. Free of the silence. Free of the uncertainty.

I didn’t realize that until I woke up from that wonderful sleep. Rested.

©️2023 Cornelious “See” Flowers