Category Archives: Relationships

Todays -see 8/28/22

Psssst…

Can I tell you something?🗣

You probably weren’t “equally yolked” in the first place; You were equally (similarly) shelled.

Let me explain:

Your outsides matched. You sounded the same. Liked comparatively. Appeared familiar. Communicated in language and tone that was easier to comprehend. Had commonality. Related in an identifiable fashion. Possessed and prayed towards conjoined destiny’s. Knew the same people. Had the same, or similar, friends, or job, or story. Or faith, or fears. Shared community.

… On the outside (the shell).

But on the inside… You couldn’t have been 2 more different people. Nothing agreeable. Everything a fight. Each moment a battle. What isn’t a battle is bound silence and the mediocrity of pretending to not have objection or an opinion. Not about control, but a sincere deviance from how that other person purports or pictures themselves to be.

You recognized one another. But you have no idea of how to understand who one another is.

See, when you’re equally shelled, the “other things” can keep you together. Money fixes shells. Clothes costume shells. Makeup and cosmetic work improve shells. Environments can influence shells. People can disguise and hide themselves amongst shells. You can dress up a shell to look like, be like, and blend into other shells.

Sex works, on shells. Cars and houses and trips, impress shells. Jewelry mesmerizes shells. The light, and the dark, affect the shell in certain ways. Music and tv can draw the attention of shells, rather easily. Shells can be camouflaged and manipulated to cooperate with the idealistic requirements of other shells. Shells tend to be collected and paired according to appearance. In cartons per say.

And that’s where you found the last assortment of shells you went through.

On the inside (the yolk)…

Being equally yolked means that you are intrinsically and instinctively thread by the character and value of your spirit-worth. Yolks are your true feelings, purpose, calling, and character. Not just who you are behind the mask, your yolk is who you are without it. Yolks are more than your story. Your yolk is every word and moment and encounter that creates you. Your yolk is your true intention and desire, feeling and fantasy, high and low. Your yolk is not what you say aloud. It is what you’ve not said, been afraid to say, and held in. Your yolk is your innermost collection of thoughts and reflection. Your processes and anecdotes. Your comfort zones and coping mechanisms. Your yolk is where your true identity lives. Where your absolute aspirations and perfect imaginations call home.

Shells are about attention whereas yolks are about intention. Shells are who you are in the crowd; Yolks are what you are when alone. Shells are defined by what someone sees in you. Yolks are characterized by who you see in yourself. Shells are your religion. Yolks are your spirituality.

I’ve heard it so often said that two people, in relationship, should be equally yoked. Growing up in and around the church, I’d always taken that phrase and received it analogously to the context of an egg. I always thought I was hearing the word “yolk” Y-O-L-K. And it made sense to me. Somehow I deduced it into the process of making eggs for breakfast. I would only imagine that it’d make sense to crack similar eggs to make a dish. I took the contrary to mean an extreme: you don’t want to mix fresh eggs with rotten ones. And thus I began psychoanalyzing the process in order to rectify my discomfort with the phrase I’d heard so often. Not once had I actually read the scripture to see that I was thinking of the wrong “yolk” the entire time. That’s probably what my angst and anxiety stemmed from. My spirit was telling me to go and read the words for myself, because I had the wrong idea.

But I didn’t and instead I went years working on my yolk/shell concept.

I was today years old when I read the scripture and saw that the word was “yoke” Y-O-K-E. That threw an entire flag onto my field of play. Because I know what the word “yoke” means. And in context to marriage, or relationship for that matter, I don’t like using that word one bit!

“Yoke” means harness. When I see or hear the word I think of animals and slavery. Not humans and marriage. Even if I try to accept it to represent relationship, I am quickly chastened to the reality that there is someone controlling the yoke. Someone that is not the persons under its control. And I don’t like that even more.

Plus, I don’t think that most people know that the scripture says YOKE, as opposed to YOLK.

But I digress.

And “yolk” it is.

With that, back to my point…

Most times that people say that they are “equally yolked”, they are talking about being equally shelled. “Equally shelled” does not often produce a partnership/relationship/marriage that can withstand the extreme conditions that will undoubtedly encounter your union. And quite honestly, shells can’t withstand all that pressure; They break. Being equally shelled will mean that you are both just as vulnerable and exposed to the fragility and risk that comes with such a thin layer of substance “covering” you.

I hope this is making sense. I pray that you know your yolk. That part that you’re holding beyond what we all see. I hope that you’re looking for someone to match that. After they know their own yolk. And are prepared to break through the facade and disguise to open up truly. Not just someone who is cracked and has some of the goodness seeping out.

Because ofttimes that’s what we see, and get… the seepage. The bits and pieces, the particles, the hints, the potential. The “what they could be”. The ingredients dressed as a finished meal.

And we try to digest that. Try to act like it is feeding us, satiating our appetite, satisfying our palate, soothing our hunger for the humankind.

And we eat that until we can’t pretend anymore. Or until we realize that we have a taste for the real thing. Or a desire for something/someone else. More fulfilling, more suited to our table. More in our budget. More like us. More… equal.

Someone we can yoke.

And who we don’t mind being yoked to.

Ha.

I get that one now, too.

Time to eat.

Smile.

-see

@seethepoet

Daddy (‘s) Issues


You have always been
the sun to me
my reason being
extraordinary
a destiny
not one bit unclean

I always wanted to
get to know you
follow you
be under you
be around you
have you proud of me

I never saw the empty bottles
nor the empty promises
nor the bags filled with regret
that you hoarded
and never forgot
like you tried to un-remember me

I thought the smell of Kool 100’s
and Old English
and outside
was independence
and unapologetic proudness
and normal

Your silence
and slow walk
and nonconforming energy
and no talk
was matter of fact and course,
and an awe inspiring force

I only saw your big feet
and big hands
and that you were tall,
everything man
an opportune example,
a chance that I could too

You had it easy
with me
You could have said
anything
and I would have believed
that every word was true

because that’s what a father…
means to you.

-see

©️2022 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet


Until We Equal One…


It’s no different
that I listen
when you cry out your eyes

just my system
to pay attention
to what you hold deep down inside

make no mention
the all you’ve been through
made you just the way you are

who wants perfect
it’s not worth it
If it’s hiding all your scars

I know better
than to love you
like you’ve once been loved before

how dare you settle
for another ever
when you desire so much more

coping methods
searching desperate
for a reason to be held

using leverage
just a weapon
that’s the secret that you tell

it’s not meant to lie
this reason being
instead of baring all you can

what is happy
having not been hurt,
and giving one more chance

you want yours
I want you
there is much that must be done

making sure
to do the math
until we equal one.

-see

©️2022 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethpoet







Re-Pair-Ed… [POEM]

i remember wanting you
and nothing else
until you hurt me
now nothing helps
to bring you back to life
from the dead to me you are
and i still love you
but i’m reminded by this scar
that has healed so well
and you’re beautiful as a memory
the ugly things you did
aren’t even worth remembering
but serve as a lesson love leaves
so that i can try again
instead of feeling ways
how about we just not be friends
i’ll still hope for you the best
and even pray you live your truth
i don’t see our time as wasted
your presence gave me proof
that work is more than words
and action must be real
your apologies meant me nothing
but to keep me standing still…

Damn i remember wanting you
i thought that would be enough
until i found true love in myself,
so there is no need for us.

-see

©2018 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Love Is… (Relationship)

There is definitely a period or season in which your relationship will be even, where it should be even. “Even” in a sense of and respect to accord and assurance and automatic access to agreement. There is a time where everything seemingly always goes together in a symbiotic unity that is all spectacular and in the space of magical amazingness.

It is supposed to be like that.

For a period, for a season.

But relationships that actually last and have depth and definition and detail and evolve into destiny aren’t “even” all the time. Not even most of the time.

There is always an issue, some challenges, some changes, disruption and delay, confusion, chaos, hurt and hell to go through. There is always a problem, a decision, a choice, an obligation and a responsibility to pick a side. There is always question and instigation and accusation and controversy. There is always mess and frustration and misery demanding to sit in your company. There are moments of lack and lethargy, discontent and so much noise.

While the work has to be done.

While the bills have to be paid.

While the home has to be kept.

While the kids have to be raised.

While the time keeps passing by.

And still, more importantly still…

The soul has to be uplifted.

The spirit has to be nourished.

The mind has to be stimulated.

The romance has to be maintained.

The peace has to kept.

Your mate has to be considered.

Love is not just love. Love is everything more than love. Love is all the things more than love. Love is sacrifice and surrender whilst satisfying self. Love is particular and specific and yet ambiguous and wide. Love is gentle and firm. Love is intelligent and understanding. Love is complete yet open, comprehensive and curious.

And relationships require the steadiness of the unknown to abide its journey into fate. Ever heard of the good fight? The good fight is a relationship. The good fight is an ever-ongoing battle for the sake of someone else. The good fight is sleepless and exhausting and turbulent and demanding and constant. It always is. There is no time or room for the expectations or ask that a relationship is anything other than that.

Those seasons of complete congruence are the ultimate reward for complying with a confrontation that is compliment of your courage and cause. That good is a direct result of how good you become in the tantrum of this dynamic. You will absolutely know the days that are fantastic by the default of what those terrible times demand of you!

You’ll find “odds” more often than not. What you will achieve good at is deciding when to debate and when to defer. Compassion and patience are outfits that should align the wardrobe of your wants. Love is tender. Love is an acute mandate that you honor and embody to stay in the way. To be available for the fight. To be present and aware to the unknown. Because you chose this and for as long as an iota of desire rest in the two of you, you are obligated to take arms and forge into the fisticuffs of faith and action.

Through it all. For as long as it takes. And that is matrimony. That is what marriage really is. That is a relationship. Arduous and audacious and ambitious and abundant and adamant.

For each one of you.

Because on both sides, bookending that “season” of total compliment is life. And life requires that differences be met with diligence and discipline. And life requires decision. You decided on a relationship.

This is what you have to do.

-see

@seethepoet

©2018 Cornelious “See” Flowers