Tag Archives: Change

Today’s -see 2/20/2023

I don’t argue about God. I might go back and forth with God (in my mind, in my spirit, in my self-talk) because oftentimes I’m not clear on what I’m doing and sometimes feel like God “allows” me to spin my wheels without going anywhere, unnecessarily. But it’s always turned out good and to my benefit from the perspective that I have consistently and constantly found myself to be guided by the presence of God in my life. I’m okay with that. This is my life.

I’m not getting into God-arguments though. Not anymore. God doesn’t need me to defend God. God doesn’t need me to justify, prove, persuade, convince, or argue that or why I believe God to be. God doesn’t need me as a spokesperson for God. This is God I’m speaking of! God- responsible for the creation and maintenance of existence- does not need me to validate that God is. And I won’t spend another second doing that. Not when I know what God is for me. With or without religion, in or out of a church, up or down in my feelings, God is. That’s where I’m at with it.

I’m not confused about it either. I’m not trying to figure out what and which text is the best one or one I should most-loosely adhere to. I’m not confused by which part or paragraph is to be taken verbatim versus which should be analyzed and ascribed to analogy or anecdote. I don’t believe I’m supposed to figure that out. I’m not going to try to.

I believe that I am here to be here. To be present and aware in the NOW of however long of a moment that I have in this realm. I know that I am here. I believe that while I am here it is my responsibility to connect and exhibit compassion, to show consideration, to acknowledge consistency, to conclude that grace and understanding are the best means and measures by which to accept and address humanity. I’m not here to be perfect. I’m here to participate. To experience pain and passion just the same. With eagerness to learn from the opportunity to exist.

I’m not here to be God.

I believe that I am very much so a particle of God. I believe that all the things that I consider good, God created. I believe that all the things that I consider not so good, God created. Because I believe that God is THE creator. Of ALL.

I know that there are a great number of things that I don’t know.

I know that I can suppose and assume and suggest and surmise a great deal about what I think God desires or demands. I know that I can get as lost as I choose to in the vortex of theological rhetoric in an effort to study for the sake of showing “thyself approved”. But, for what?

I’d much rather, not.

I am by no means “perfect”. I am by all means “participating”. My intention and my institution is to be good. I do far more good than I do the contrary. I help far more than I hurt. I give way more than I take. I love far deeper than I loathe. I consider quicker than I criticize. And as it relates to healing- which has been my personal albatross for a great period of time in life- I have finally arrived at this philosophy: It is imperative that I forget more than I remember.

I trust that God has all the stuff that I spent so many years trying to figure out, figured out. I believed- for most of those years- that to be my job, call, purpose, mission: to know what God intends. And I spent so much energy and time and all I possessed in an effort to get that clarity, that closure, that comfort.

And when I didn’t, I felt- especially because I listened to everyone else but me- guilty and ashamed by the disappointment of not getting the understanding or specific clarity that satisfied my questions. That made life extremely difficult. Feeling like I was a failure because I was confused. Because I didn’t get absolute and defined understanding.

Meanwhile, God and I have this relationship that has allowed me to see another side of things. But I felt guilty about it. Because that relationship didn’t fit me into the spaces of what I was told my purpose to be. The relationship that I have with God doesn’t have me in church or “ministry” like I was always told I should be. The relationship that I have with God doesn’t have me pressured to live restricted and removed like the guilt and shame of being a “sinner” had me feeling I should be. The relationship that I have with God doesn’t suffer me the frustration and fear that I once encapsulated while attempting to register how I feel about so many things. I have a relationship with God. No one else gets to or has to answer for me. I am confident that I can stand by my choices and decisions regarding the relationship that I have with God. I have no doubts there.

I’m not arguing about God.

I’ll argue about humans though. I will definitely argue about human behavior and human words and human feelings. There are some human problems and issues that exist that I believe I can help with. I believe we all can help one another. But what I’ve seen and experienced, far too often, is that religion and the establishments of religion- propagating under the guise of God’s word- perpetually prevent the people from problem solving. Because of power and control. Because of guilt and shame. Because of greed and jealousy. Because of envy and hatred. Because of system and tradition and race and money.

Because “that’s the way it’s been”.

We can’t afford to keep doing things the way they’ve been done. We have to change. We need to change.

I haven’t been a more productive part of that change because I was afraid to tell y’all that I don’t agree with y’all about God. (That’s a blanket statement). More specifically, I didn’t want to face the disappointment and disdain that I’ve seen and experienced when one doesn’t subscribe to the fold. I’ve lost relationships, friendships, and acquaintanceships because I don’t believe what some of my people feel that I should believe. I’ve experienced the alienation and abandonment that comes with not cooperating with a certain community. I’ve observed this in my own village most of my life.

No matter how “good” of a person I could have been. When I started voicing my concerns and questions I was seen as anything but good. It was like I’d done or said something absolutely monstrous. I was treated as such. That triggered a trauma response and so I shut down more of myself in order to stay in some fashion of committee with people.


Story time:

I call most soul food dinners “plantation plates”. I call it that because most of the traditional soul food that I am accustomed to and know about is writhed with a history that developed around a specific time period. When I hear stories of the Black Sunday dinner I almost always envision scenes from a time period that I don’t want to recall. But I know the history. I know that “soul food”, or the idea of, comes from the southern plantation dinner practices where enslaved black people were given limited rations of food from the white slave masters and they made due. They were given the scraps and scrapings but they prepared masterpieces! Some of our staple dishes come off of those menus: barbecued ribs, catfish, chitterlings, cornbread, and more.

Over time, even as we got free from that version of slavery, we’ve held onto that menu. Truth being told, 3 of my favorite foods are soul foods: Macaroni, Dressing, and Candied Yams. I’d eat them everyday without any problem. I like them just that much.

But I know they are not healthy choices. Macaroni is filled with butter and cheese, sodium, and fat. Dressing is high in calories, fat, sodium, and refined carbohydrates. Candied yams have entirely too much sugar. Yet I love them.

As a culture we love the plantation plate. Most of our homes serve these very dishes at least one day of the week. And every holiday consists of a spread that showcases the full farm of this traditional treachery.

Even as we suffer from diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, glaucoma, gout, cancer, stroke, heart attacks, death and more, disproportionately to other groups.

I often joke with “chitlin” eaters, “… You don’t have to eat that. We are free!” but to no remedy. They don’t want to hear that. They don’t care. They want what they want. Even if dit is ACTUALLY killing them.

But I know why. I believe that black folks know how unhealthy most of what we consume (as it relates to traditional soul food) is. That’s not why they eat it, or why it’s difficult to give up.

It’s hard to give up because these dishes and recipes were prepared for us by someone we love. Momma macaroni. Granny dressing. Aunty potato salad. Uncle ribs. Daddy pork chops. Great-Granny banana pudding. Big Momma neck bones and rice. And so on.

Giving up these dishes that are imprinted on our lives would mean disappointing and dismissing these people. Because Granny ain’t letting you leave her house without eating. Nor is Momma. Good luck walking out of most of our family’s homes and not breaking bread. Because these dishes mean something to us. To the individual that prepared them. To the history that passed them down. To the legacy that is shared through them.

These meals mean more to us than sustenance. They represent fellowship and community. They represent love and care. They represent concern and togetherness. They represent talent and time. They represent support and structure. They represent consistency and comfort. They represent some idea of success and celebration.

And that’s why it’s hard to give them up. Because of what they represent. What they mean to everyone. The who we attach them to. The where we attach them to. The when we attach them to. There are soul food dishes that mark specific occasion. These meals literally mean something.

We’re connected to them. We are not trying to let them go.


It’s the same with religion. The God that most of us serve was introduced to us with those meals and by those very important people. And just like those meals, we’ve passed down the sentimental attachment our traditions have served us.

And we’re attached.

Any attempt to disengage us from the hold that religion has on us is deemed an attack.

Even if/when we know that the intention is not to attack, we interpret it as such.

Because telling any of us that the God or the Jesus that we’ve known for so long is not who or what we have believed does not sound like that.

It sounds like you’re telling us that Grandma lied to us. Or momma lied to us. Or the church lies to us. And we care about those people. They love us. They wouldn’t lie to us.

Grandma’s midnight prayers to Jesus- we are told- saved our lives. Momma’s faith- in the God she knew- has kept us all this way. Our family has been in that church- the one preaching this very God- for 50 years. You’re not going to tell us that we’ve been doing any of this wrong. You’re not going to tell us that we’ve spent all this time and energy and thought into something that is not what we believed and had faith in it to be. You’re not going to tell us that we’ve come all this way to find out that this was the wrong way.


And because of the sentimental and generationally traditional habits of doing things the way we know, letting go is not going to be easy. For many it’s not even going to be possible.

It’s going to be more than an argument.

Faith too strong.

Spirit too stubborn.

Mind too made up.

I absolutely understand that.

Even if I can’t explain it as clearly as I might want to. Even if I don’t agree with it. I do understand it.

But I’m not finna argue ‘bout God.

No mo.

Because we need to be DOING the “Lord’s” work.

With that, well, I WILL NOT be arguing about God. Never again.


While I’m arguing about God, some work is not getting done. And there is too much work to do. Work that I believe is in OUR hands to take care of. Because God- who controls the entire fvcking universe- has the power to change our “circumstances” at the thought of changing it if that was what God wanted to do! If God had other intentions it would not take time to be. This is God we are talking about!

Breathe, See. Breathe.

I’m not arguing about God anymore. It’s not a win. Ever. It’s a distraction. It’s a detour. It’s a business. It works too freaking well with the scheme to keep us fighting and fussing about something that we have no reason to fight and fuss about.

Because while we’re going at it about God, the world that God created is suffering. And after all this time I’m going to say that maybe “waiting on God” is not the answer to each and every problem.






The “US” that God wants to work TOGETHER to figure all of this out.

Instead of debating, dissing, demonizing, distracting, deflecting, or even deciding.

Too many are spending an entire lifetime DECIDING.

Because they’ve made up their mind what God’s people look or sound or act like.

And honesty, God can’t use you like that.

And I’m not going to argue about it.




Break… [POEM]

We must take it
by faith in by force
we are to make it happen,
no matter of course

There are no givens
still are no guarantees
in order to obtain
we must beseech where we believed

Old habits must be forgotten
traditions need be denied
where either of them falter
revolution must be devised

Organization of the fighters
conversationalists removed
the struggle has been elongated
by a people we behooved

Yet color don’t mean common
and state don’t measure just
there is mud within our water,
betrayal amidst our trust

The chains have been restructured
their links now give us way
configured to persuade us
for freedom we must pay

But image still perceives that
indentured terms suggest
the savior of the captives
never was to have them best

So now we take arms
feet firmly for the way
together in the cause
to lead into the day.


©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers

Thought for the Moment [#6]

It is so easy to SAY how hard you had it.

What IS hard is making the conscious choice and performing the deliberate practice of doing the NECESSARY things to alter/change/shift YOUR circumstances or situation towards what YOU need them to be.

What is sometimes even more difficult is the process and having to endure the time it takes to accomplish what you have set out to do. Especially in the face of other adversity and against the grain and guide of expectations or assumptions that are formed based on what people/society/history states is the “way” you should or should have done something.

Listen here…

Find out what works for you, that you can sustain, and do it. Repeat it. Practice it. Master it. Continue doing it for as long as need be to produce the results that align with what is YOUR desired or designed outcome. Try things, new things, different things, random things, until you find the thing or things that do work. Use your experiences as EXPERIENCE! Count no mistake or mishap as death, instead LIVE towards the expectation and in the freedom of this knowledge:

Every lesson is a lesson. It may not take you where you wanted to go, but it can, if you allow it to, give you a better idea and position relative to your desired place, EVERY LESSON! That means every friendship, every relationship, every place, every job, every road, every bad thing, every “wrong” thing, every mistake, every avenue, every tool, every question, every regret, every hardship, and EVERY hurt. As well as EVERY good thing. It is all capable of being fused and forged into YOUR FORWARD PROGRESS!

You must gain a matter of perspective that is a perspective that MATTERS, to YOU! You have to attain and achieve discipline and discernment, and diligence. You MUST make a priority of what are YOUR PRIORITIES! And go after them. You must multi-task and multi-FINISH! You have to follow-up and follow-through! You have to MAKE IT WORK!

And where need be, YOU will require and YOU MUST accept, help! You are going to be able to benefit from the experience, expertise, and example of others! Those who are QUALIFIED to lead you. Be sure to recognize or realize when someone is actually QUALIFIED to help you! And ACCEPT that help!

No man, or woman, is self-made! They may be self-inspired or self-motivated or self-driven, but YOU ARE NOT GETTING VERY FAR, in reality, BY YOURSELF. Someone advised, invested, cooperated, listened, petitioned, prayed, considered, or thought about, YOU. And it mattered. Any story with ONE character, was a short one!

And YOUR STORY is waiting. It’s time for YOUR STORY! Your story, especially the part that matters most, gets to BEGIN, RIGHT NOW, with YOU! That’s where it starts. And the “start” is probably- from what life teaches us- the real hard part! That is the part that presents the greatest challenge. The part where you choose to change. The part where you believe in that change and take the attitude and steps necessary to make that change happen. To make that change, REAL.

It is very easy to say what stopped you. But what’s stopping you from doing something about it?


I can see the change… [POEM]

I can see the wind is blowing
a change has come upon
shapes and shifts abound
a former season done

I can see the wind is blowing
I can see the change is near
but I’ve not moved one bit
I’ve set about in fear

I can see the wind is blowing
the change is on the way
there is so much to be done
there is nothing left to say

I can see the wind is blowing
the sound of change is loud
while I remain here silent
for a cause of being proud

I can see the wind is blowing
a change is such at hand
I must get out this window
and change as if I can…


©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers

Dear young Me,

This morning I saw an old picture of you.

You were smiling.


I remember you smiling like that. I remember how often you smiled like that. Those smiles were real. They were so real.

I looked at your eyes in the picture. I remember that look in those eyes. Those eyes carried a smile that was even bigger than your smile was. Those eyes smiled so happy and excited and curiously. Those eyes smiled so certain and believing and determined. Those eyes smiled like they should, because they were supposed to.

I remember that.

I remember what you were seeing back then. I remember all of it. Even the bad stuff. And you still smiled.

Then I started smiling. Because I started to remember some things that you had said back then…

Your favorite car was a mustang. You used to carry around a little matchbox model of one with you. You used to tell grandma that you were going to buy you one day and you were going to take her for a ride, wherever she wanted to go. You promised to drive her around the world in your mustang.


And you used to promise your grandmother and your mother that you’d buy them both houses. You used to ask them how many rooms they wanted and what color they liked because you were going to make the houses exactly like they liked them. And they could have all of the nicest. most expensive, furniture and jewelry and cars and boats.

I remember you wanted the family to be together. I remember your hopes for family.

I remember your feelings being hurt a little, here and there, as life began to enter your smile. Life that was full of circumstances and issues begin to creep into your world. Life that was dealing with those around you but affecting you all the same.

I remember you holding your mothers hand once while she held you, while she cried about things that were going on. I remember you promising yourself that one day you’d be big enough to fight life for her.


And then grandma got sick. Cancer, kidney failure, diabetes, all of the other health issues that she suffered through. I remember you wanting her to get better.

I remember your confusion about religion. Because grandma and them were Jehovah’s Witnesses but momma was baptist. And none of the men you knew were either. I remember how you questioned God about those things. Because their beliefs in God kept them from being able to do certain things as a family. I remember your questions.

And then you got molested.
You kept it to yourself.
And you started to have sex. You were only 10.
You kept it to yourself.

Momma made a few decisions that you didn’t understand.
And you started witnessing some of the things that momma was going through..
Momma told you to be quiet.

You kept smiling.


I wish that the extent of what you went through ended somewhere back then. I really wish that all you had to deal with was that stuff. And that stuff was horrible. I saw you robbed of your sexual innocence. I saw the inception and development of habits and traditions that would eventually poison the pure intentions and hopes of your heart. I saw you begin to lose faith and confidence in people. I saw you begin to discover the ugly and cruel of life. I saw you begin to accept that there was a such thing as impossible.

You had a secret and you were told to keep it.
You were told to keep what went on in the house, in the house.
You watched as people went about life as if certain things weren’t happening.

That is where the problem started. That is where your habit of hiding and keeping stuff to yourself began. That’s when people started telling you that you were “strong”. What they were really saying is that you knew how to keep a secret. Momma used to always tell you how “strong” you were and how proud that made her. It was her way of telling you that she could trust you to keep her business “out the street”. That made you feel responsible.

And you didn’t want to let her down. That’s why you kept the other stuff secret too. That’s why you never even told her that you had been abused. That’s why you hadn’t told her that you were having sex. You didn’t want to let her down. You didn’t want to disappoint her.

You should have said something.

Because you had every right to. You did not have to go through stuff like that. And the truth is that some more stuff is going to happen and you’ll feel like it was your silence that allowed it.

Your mom gets murdered.
You won’t know how to deal with it.
Grandma dies.
She was the only one that understood.
You’re going to find out all kinds of things after their deaths.
You won’t think that you can go on.

But you did and you began to believe that it was just how life worked.

That silence and secrecy only got worse. You got better at it. And you learned to smile in spite of it. Your smile seemed so able to assure everyone that you were okay. And you thought that you were okay.

Dear young Me,

Today I found a picture of you. It made me smile. Then I felt a little sadness. Then I decided that I had some words for you…

• How you see you is more important than who else does. –
I remember how insecure you were about your teeth. They always called you “Bucky”. I remember how bad that made you feel. Especially since there was nothing that you could do about them. Teeth were natural. Teeth were part of what “God” had given you. I remember you hated smiling because of your teeth, but you couldn’t help it. Smiling came just as natural.
I remember something that you were even more embarrassed about than your teeth. Not having a belly button. You hated having to take your shirt off. In school. At the beach. At the pool. As you got older, around girls. The hernia surgery as an infant had taken away your belly button. I remember how unnatural and incomplete you had felt. That insecurity coupled with the secrets and other issues had begun to diminish the esteem you had in yourself. You started to feel bad about things that weren’t even your doing, things that definitely weren’t your fault.
Well, guess what, you had nothing to worry about! That crooked smile is going to get you just as many girls as a mouthful of aligned pearly whites ever could. I promise you that. And that belly button, you won’t even remember it. You’ll get older and it’ll be a footnote. You won’t hide it. You won’t care what people think about it. And actually, people are going to think its cool. I know, right!
There were a lot of other things that you used to struggle with about yourself. You’ll learn to love and appreciate them as well. Funny thing is, people liked them even though you didn’t.
And the stuff that people made fun of you about wasn’t about you. The belly button, your height, your teeth, your nappy hair, your shoes, your clothes… All of that was their way of struggling with their own identity. Trying to make you feel bad about who you are distracts people from facing themselves.
But it’s only important if you make it important! You have to live with you and there are a great number of people and places that are willing to accommodate once you make that decision. The most important thing is that you learn to acknowledge and accept who and what you are in a comfortable way. You can change things, but know that no exterior change will erase an interior thought or feeling that remains there. What you believe about you is what the most important people in your life will believe about you!


(I had a lot to say to you about that because I know that to be where it started. Here are some other notes.)

• You are alive. That is amazing. Embrace it. –
Life is really a gift. No matter how it’s wrapped. Everyone has some issues. Everyone has some problems. Everyone has some drama. But you’re here. You’ve got a chance to fight for a chance. Make the best of that chance. There is so much to try and attempt for you. There are so many possibilities. Of course there will be pain. There is going to be a lot of pain and loss. Geez, you are going to lose some people. Some of your hardest days are ahead. And it will be tragic. Loss is always a tragedy. But in loss you will discover strength and character.
Loss is also going to illustrate that fragility of life. You will be exposed to the vulnerability and risk of being human. You will bear witness to weakness and sadness and grief, beyond what you could ever imagine. And it is going to hurt. Unfortunately, you are going to internalize and hide your feelings about it. But eventually you make it through. And you’ll be a better person for it.
And you’ll still be alive. That is definitely amazing. Loss will teach you that so many don’t get that chance. Embrace yours.

• Dream. Remember your dreams. Never forget them. –
Remember when you thought that you could be a super hero? Remember when you wanted to fly? Remember when you wanted to save the planet from destruction? Remember your dreams about saving the world? Plans were born of those dreams. Don’t ever give them up.
Remember that you want good. Remember that you want love and peace. Remember that you want happiness. Remember that you want to believe people. Remember that you believe people.
Your dreams are possible! There is resistance. There is confusion. There is not a lot of support from the people closest to you. You think that it’s because they don’t like you. You think it’s because they don’t want to see you “make it”. It’s not any of that. You’re different and they don’t know what you need. They are familiar and accustomed to a certain way. Eventually they’ll learn that they were trying to impose their own beliefs and limitations on you but in the meantime, you’ve got to keep dreaming. You’ve got to remember what’s in your heart. You’ve got to follow the inner voice and pull that draws you to opportunities and places that do recognize who you are and what you want. Don’t be afraid to leave. Go! It’s okay, you can come back. You will return, many times. And even though people appear to be fighting you at every turn, about every choice and decision that you’re making, it’s not what it looks like. You’re encouraging them. You’re inspiring them. You’re doing exactly what they expected you to do.

• Be prepared to make adjustments. Make adjustments. –
“The way it is” is different from “the way it was” and might be a hell of a difference from “the way it will be”.
Don’t get too attached or comfortable with anything. Life is too fragile. Life is too susceptible to elements outside of your control. Things happen. Good things and bad things. Things that interrupt the flow and monotony. Things that alter the situation beyond what you may be able to comprehend at the time. So be ready. Be flexible. Learn some new things. Learn new words, new places, new people. Learn outside of your comfort and convenience zones. Be ready to move with the wind and opportunity of change. Allow yourself to accept change and different. Allow yourself to change and do different!
Sometimes the thing that you feel you want to do is a direct result of what you’ve been exposed to or what has been expressed to you. Be willing and open to new things. Adjust. Adjust with the time. Adjust with the seasons. Adjust with your age. Adjust with your maturity. Adjust with your growth.

• Trust is important. Trust yourself first. –
You cannot be afraid to be vulnerable. Don’t do that to yourself. Trust establishes connection. Trust establishes relationship. Trust establishes bond.
You need these things for your health and well-being.
You need to trust yourself in order to recognize trust in others. There are things and feelings that you will understand only after you have attained a particular level of trust within yourself. You have to trust your mind and your heart. You have to trust your feelings. You have to trust your “gut”. You have to trust your instinct.
Your word is one of the first things that you will need to trust. You have to trust your own words. Your own word. You have to establish standards and boundaries, limitations and limits, for yourself, by your own self-application of trust. You have to know what you can and cannot take, allow, do, be. You have to secure yourself in the foundation of that trust in order for you to be able to recognize or realize trust in others. If you trust you, once you trust you, you will be able to perceive when a person has trust in their own selves. By that factor, you will be able to allow yourself to trust your heart, and feelings to the unknowns of life. Because you need to.
You’ll be let down quite a few times. But even that is necessary. It builds you up. It creates better and stronger boundaries. It teaches you lessons that must be learned before you enter into agreements and partnerships, eventually relationships.
It all starts with trusting yourself.

• People are going to let you down. It’s life. –
It’s a part of life, kid. And you’ll never get used to it.
I wish that I could walk you through life if for nothing else but to protect you from this behemoth of reality. People are going to be your undoing. They might just as well be how you arise, but they are going to be a part of your fall.
People are going to disappoint you and let you down. People are going to take advantage of you. People are going to misuse and abuse you. People are going to incorporate you into their mess. People are going to manipulate you. People are going to attempt to encourage, influence , and persuade you to do, be, become, think, feel, and act to their desires, wants, and expectations. It’s going to be subtle, it’s going to be subversive, it’s going to be surreal! But it’s going to happen.
The truth is that people aren’t just going to let you down, you’re going to let them down as well. You’re not without the ability to be just as human. And the fact is that letting people down is a very human thing. Sometimes you’ll do it inadvertently. But there will be times that you do it as a defense mechanism. You’ll have moments where you do it in retaliation and for retribution. You’ll do it as a reflex, responding to your own hurt and harm.
And because it’s life, it will be a part of this cycle that you’ll never be able to control, only manage. I pray that you manage it well.

• Find a way to trust people, anyway. –
I hope that one of the lessons you learn is that people don’t always deserve to be forgiven for what they’ve done but they always deserve to be given the chance to be understood as being human. Stuff happens. People will “turn” on you for the darnedest of reasons. Pushed to an “edge”, there is no telling what someone is capable of. You included! So be willing to trust people. Limit your exposure by limiting people’s access to you but don’t cut off humanity for the sake of being bitter.
You need people. You’ll need people. You’ll always need somebody.

• Love yourself. That’s enough love to carry you.
I cannot stress this point enough. I wish someone would have told you that early on. I wish that someone would have been willing to give you the self-confidence and self-assurance that would have reinforced the belief and understanding in you to discover what love really is. I wish that you hadn’t been warped and confused by some of the things that you were exposed to. I wish that you hadn’t experienced sex so early and then went on to confuse sex with love or sex with communication, or sex with trust.
You are in for a long road to recovery. It is going to take years for you to break the emotional and psychological stronghold that those unfortunate events will hold to you. It will cause all kinds of issues and it will reek havoc on how you identify emotion and feeling.
But self-love, is a difference maker. The road to loving yourself is a long and arduous one. But once you get there, things will be so much better. I promise.

• Don’t let anyone hurt you with their mess. No one. Ever. –
Be careful with what you allow yourself to feel responsible for. Be careful who you surrender the power to influence you to. Watch out for those serial manipulators and people who play on your heart and emotion. You have a big heart and you’re naive. You’re gullible. You are prone to believing and trusting people, face value. That has let you down often. That will let you down often.
But you have to get up. You are going to have to get up and fight through the feelings of abandonment and loneliness. Because you will invest your time and energy into people and so what they have going on will affect you and they will make you feel as if things that have to do with them, automatically have to do with you.
You’re not responsible for everybody. Don’t let them make you feel like you are.

• Speak up. So that you are heard. –
You have every right to how you feel. You have every right to express how you feel. No one will ever know if you don’t speak up though.
From early on you brought into the culture of silence and secrecy that allowed for things that went on in the dark to ruminate and fester. That stuff became toxic thoughts and actions. It became bad habits and traditions. It separated you from open and honest relationships.
And that became what was once labeled as your “independence”. But you weren’t independent, you were insecure. And you just kept on smiling.

• Never lose that smile. –
You have no idea how much life your smile brings to a room. Don’t ever stop. I know it hurts sometimes. I know that sometimes that smile is a disguise hiding every horror and hell that you’re going through. I know that smile is masking pain and troubles. That smile is hiding grief and depression and stress that began to deteriorate your health and your psyche.
Just don’t lose it. It makes people feel better. It shows people that things are going to be okay. That smile is a medicine. It is a cure to a sickness. It heals. It’s self-medication. Keep giving the world doses of it.

• It’s your youth, there will be a time to grow up. –
I wish you would have tried a little more of the things that kids did. You were forced to grow up too fast. You hid in the presence of older people because you felt responsible. And for some reason you were allowed to. I wish you would have done some more juvenile stuff. Your teenage years weren’t spent “trying to be grown”, they were spent having to be grown. You had to mature fast. You had to be a certain responsible and accountable. You felt a certain responsible and accountable. You were really hurt and afraid. I wish that you would have gotten counseling or therapy and given a forum to discuss your issues. Maybe then someone would have heard your cries and gave you the correct direction.
I remember momma always telling you to “go be a kid” and you hated that.
Believe me, you’re going to wish you had done it afterwards.

• Much more will happen. –
What happens when the “worst thing that could happen”, does?
Something else.
That’s what happens. Something else happens, a new “worst thing”.
If you could take any advice that I give you to heart, I’d encourage it to be this: YOU HAVE NO IDEA what you are about to go through. And every time it seems like the waters are calming or a storm is passing, BAM!, you will be hit by something else. Each time a thing that you never thought would be possible.
From death to heartbreak to failure to trouble. You are going to have some unbelievable things happen to you. You are going to do some unbelievable things. And time won’t heal all of it. Time won’t make every amend nor will it apologize away the stupidity or unfortunate nature of some of your mistakes. And those mistakes will compound. Believe me, you have no idea how bad it’s going to get!

• You are going to get through it. –
Guess what… You’re going to survive those things. You are going to overcome so much. You are going to win so many battles. You’re going to make it through darkness, tunnels, over mountains, all those proverbial obstacles and the real ones too.
You’re going to do some amazing things in the midst of it all. I know how much you worry about stuff. I know how much you internalize and let things get in your head. You’re golfing to make it. I promise you are.

Today I found a picture of you and a feeling came over me. It was a familiar feeling. At first I hesitated to allow myself to feel it but before I knew what I was doing, it had totally encompassed me. And I was doing something that I remembered doing when I was about your age, I smiled so hard. I smiled like I didn’t have a care in the world. I smiled like it mattered. Like nothing mattered but yet everything did. I smiled with hope and dreams and possibility.
You were the reason that I smiled and that felt good.

Oh young Me, I wish I would have known then what I know right now. I wish I could have given you the courage that I just discovered before you discovered the facts of life. Because what I know today is that those facts are able to hurt you when you have fear. But when you have courage and determination, those facts are bound to your preference. You get to choose how they affect you.

It’s crazy.

There are so many things that I’d love to say to you. So many details. So many pitfalls that I would love to help you avoid. I wish that I could fight the battles for you. I wish there was someway I could give you what I now know.

But, it’s so much and I wouldn’t want to ruin that smile. And plus, well after all of it, I’ve got my own smile back. Thanks to you somehow. So in some way, it was the way that it was going to happen.

I’ll smile for you. From now on. I’m going to smile because I have every right to. I deserve to. Especially after all that has happened to us.

I can’t believe we made it.



A much older You.


©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers

What’s next… (After I’m so…) [POEM]

Hope the reflections bring about respect
Thinking about those back in the days
make me wonder about what’s next
You for it
Or just flex?

It was bad back then, no lie
Gangs, drugs, rap music, and some guns
But we had “stop the violence” movements
we were able to move around, some fun

There was beef,
legit or not
But there was a sense of order
we had spots

There was community
and a sense of pride
but somewhere in between Harold and Hadiyah,
It died

And music went from
Common to a mindless behavior
as Jesus alternated
between a charm and a Savior,
either way Jesus ain’t gone save us
We are responsible for applying the lessons that the story of Jesus gave us

I remember when you were “bogus” or “out of pocket”
and somebody “called it” for the blocks
When you were able to post up on the porch,
a legitimate neighborhood watch

We used to kick it
whether you were “sent off” or “on a mission”
and the real D-Boys wanted to do something good
and we listened…

and I miss it

Social media has made us anti-human
propaganda got us believing the hype,
undue influence
opposition prepared post put us in the paint,
from righteous to ruin
The media, the madness, this mess,

So now we “turn up” instead of turn out
we went from “burnt up” to burnt out
and the old heads are tired
Everything they worked for,
didn’t really work out

We brought into being independent
without independence
and such we scattered about our history
without any dependents
from the first descendants
to being first offender defendants


I remember when hustle was hard work
until you came up
That was how we came up
now the hustle is to hustle
Rob, Steal, and Kill
that’s how they came up,
then call it “squad”
so they gang up
bad representation,
society blame us


And still we skirt the real issues
fighting for freedoms in no mans land
400 years of hurt and still mis-used
Stuck in a religious time warp,
No matter what God ole masta gave us,
them still his views

And our inheritance
became irrelevant
It was once intelligence
became benevolence
feasting from the rations of a welfare portion
that’s not heaven-sent

So the “I’m so” is the “oke doke”
a nice distraction for the brunt of jokes
and debating legislating plants
is the blunt of smoke

We still got probationary voting rights
Evil is evil, you can’t vote it right
the miseducation taxed Lauryn Hill
and making niggaz laugh axed Dave Chappelle
what story shall we tell?…

Too many babies, too many babies
burying children, too many lately
Too many ways to explain it off
who do we blame, it’s OUR own fault,
We brought into it, WE brought them to it
WE have to call it off!


I hope these reflections bring about respect
the good ole days are gone,
What’s next?


©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
– @seethepoet

YOU, for a change…

“No person or place or program can ever change YOU. They can implore or inspire or insist that YOU change but they cannot change YOU. YOU have to change YOU. If you ever change, it will be because YOU decided to change and thus deliberately did so. Not that any of those things that wanted YOU to change were of any less importance but in order to change, YOU must want it and become the more important that is required of YOU to realize a change.

Until YOU realize this, YOU will probably remain as YOU are, as YOU have been, or as YOU have been trying to move from. And thus there will perpetually be a road, a journey, a path, a lesson, needing to be traveled, learned, discovered, by YOU, willingly or resistantly, to where YOU want to be.

Change is the most simple complexity that YOU will ever achieve. The most complex simplicity that YOU will ever endeavor. Change is ever and never, alike, and different, and impossible, or certain. Definite or definitely not, but ultimately and inevitably, always, up to YOU.”


©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers

How to “pass” the past, in 12 steps. (Complete)

Step 1


Step 2


Step 3


Step 4


Step 5


Step 6

Step 7


Step 8


Step 9


Step 10


Step 11


Step 12


Today’s -see 3/17/2014

How to “pass” the past. In 12 steps.
By -see

*Day 1*

Step 1: STEP!

YOU HAVE TO TAKE ACTION! YOU must first make a conscious thought that is focused towards doing something, anything, a thing, in the direction of the progress and process that YOU desire. YOUR first “step” does not have to be a physical act but it does have to be a psychological one. YOU MUST START WITH YOUR THOUGHTS! Every progress, production, or promotion, began as a thought. Either the response to or the results from, a thought. That is YOUR very first move, changing the way YOU think.

The idea sounds simple, the implementation will take work. The fact is that sometimes we don’t even realize that the way we think or the things that we think are unhealthy and/or toxic to our ultimate goals and desires. Our thoughts are learned behaviors and direct manifestations of our exposures and environments. YOUR thought process is a byproduct of how YOU brought into what YOU experienced and what YOU were exposed to, even before YOU were equipped or experienced enough to make decisions to receive or reject what those ideas were. Our thoughts are also directly attached to how we interact or interacted with the people, places, and particulars, of our past. How YOU recognize and interpret the emotions, feelings, and belief systems that influenced everything about YOU is a materialization of thoughts. And based on how we achieved those relationships or found identity in them, is how those subsequent thoughts affect or infect our lives. And time, especially periods of time, will eventually harden the form and shape of what those thoughts and resulting realities become. And it will take time, and sometimes, periods of it, to loosen and ultimately break those holds.

But it starts with a thought.

A new thought, no matter how profound or prestigious towards rescuing YOU from a certain place it is, will actually prove to adversely affect YOUR plan if that thought is just added to a convoluted mix of years and generations of other or over-thinking. A brand new shiny anything will get dusty over time, it will sully quicker in the company of trash or mess!

So the first step for YOU may be to have a thought of clearing YOUR mind. Don’t pressure YOURSELF to produce some fantastic thought that gets YOU or YOUR life to going in any direction, new or different. YOUR first thought may just be to clear all of the other thoughts and that is a process and success all on its own.

(Here is an article about simple meditation techniques. Meditation s one of the surest and proven successful methods of clearing the mind, improving focus, and regulating breathing. And changing the way that YOU think going forward will require a lot of deep breaths, lol)


Whether YOU are easily adept at doing this or willing enough to challenge YOURSELF to start, this is the first step. And it is a very BIG one. Making the conscious decision to identify and define YOUR thoughts and thought processes will undoubtedly grant YOU a brand new level of growth and development. It is not just a good way, or a convenient way, or a suggested way to start, it is the only way to start that can guarantee that YOUR start and YOUR finish are aligned and affixed to a consistent and routine pattern of exercise that will inevitably serve YOU better and more effective than any alternative. YOU know the saying “Change YOUR attitude and YOU change YOUR altitude”? Well, it is definitely true and maintaining the proper altitude is mandatory for successful flight into YOUR destiny!

Here is my own personal formula (M.O.V.E) for the first step:

Meditate, Observe, Visualize, Experiment

First: Meditating on who YOU are and where YOU are.
Then: Observe the possibilities and opportunities present.
Next: Visualize (Plan) YOUR desired wants/goals/desires
Then: Experiment with these steps until YOU get it right.

There are many formulas and theories that are based and built on platforms that seek to teach YOU how to do this. Which one works specifically for YOU is going to be determined by YOUR own trial and experience. I suggest first opening YOUR mind to the possibility of change and then, well, embracing that step. That little shift in thought can make a phenomenal difference. It changes the perception and perception is a difference maker. How YOU see the possibility determines the possibility!

Once YOU are able to “see” a difference, YOU will be able to make a difference. NOW is the perfect time to start. Think about it!


©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers