Tag Archives: Yourself

Today’s -see 3/24/2014

How to “pass” the past. In 12 steps.
By -see

Step 8: Challenge.

Facing the past is one of the most difficult actions that some people will ever take in their entire lives. Some people never do it. Some people never develop or desire the strength and courage that it takes to confront the issues or the people that are the reason or cause for them not being able to proceed through life effectively. Guilt, shame, anger, bitterness, hostility, and frustration are just some of the roadblocks that impede the progress or processes of healing, forgiveness, or restoration. Some people never accept responsibility or become accountable for their participation in their own lives or for mistakes that they have made that caused and contributed to the cycles and seasons of mediocrity or madness that the past holds their lives hostage to. And these issues, facts, and traditions, all become generational and identifying characteristics that are emulated and carried on in the relations and relationships of that person. Depression, hurt, sickness, and trouble, are all synonymous realities with a life spent avoiding or dodging the past. And that opens up the individual and their present-day existences to the vulnerability of triggers and coping mechanisms that are generally unhealthy means and modes of communication or dealing with their certain histories. The past is responsible for holding so many people back from reaching their potential or their goals. The past, or lack of dealing with the past, is most often the reason that people are diverted from what could be their true purposes and identities, what could be their freedoms, and what could be their peace.

But YOU do not have to be YOUR past!

Far too often we gauge or measure our cumulative success or failure based on the precedents or perceptions of what the broader society decides is the success of other people. So we either live up to, beneath, or beyond the accomplishments of individuals who the perception says were able to overcome, conquer, or defeat monsters or mountains similar or much larger or not as significant as our own. The idea is that we are all human, and we all have the very same 24 hours, and that it is our personal strength and determination that decides our resulting fates. And that is the general consensus of belief that attributes to the pressure of idealizing a standard level of accomplishment, or success, that is thereby the bar by which we set our expectations and our limitations, upon. There is a system of belief that empowers many of us to rationalize that we are successes, or failures, based not on our own reality, but totally based in the reality of individuals who have “made it” or “made good” in this life despite or in spite of the spontaneity and randomness that life has to offer. So the true story of an individual who overcomes significant odds or tragedy or adversity or a mixture, or mess of these all, becomes a standard by which others are measured or expected to measure towards achieving growth out of and beyond what any condition or situation is.

But YOU are not them, YOU are YOU…

This step is about challenging YOURSELF to be YOU! It is pompous and preposterous to imagine that any life outside of YOUR life holds more importance to who YOU are in YOUR life. It is kind and considerate, a noble gesture, to put emphasis and energy on things and people outside of who YOU are in order to fulfill an inherent desire to empathize or feel responsible for others but if YOU do not exist, does that mean that they do not? No. But because YOU exist, is the fact that YOU can add or subtract value to or from their lives. My thinking is that YOU are the most important person to YOU whether YOU believe it or not and once YOU acknowledge and then grow to appreciate that importance YOU will treasure and value who YOU are, in YOUR now, and the past will be unable to control or corrupt YOU as it may have been able to. Because for YOU, there is no survival as pertinent as YOURS. Whatever YOUR aspirations or agenda or belief is, what makes it relevant and possible to YOU, is YOU!

I challenge YOU to challenge YOURSELF to be YOU! By being YOU and understanding who that is, success and failure become personal aspirations and attributes that YOU have complete control over. When YOU discontinue the habit of comparing or justifying YOUR actions or activities to the experience of others YOU are sure to realize that YOU create and maintain YOUR path and the “success” or “failure” of YOUR expectations is completely negotiable to what YOUR journey is.

“… All paths lead to success, if learned is the process…”

-from the poem, “This is the moment”, by -see

YOU have to understand that everyone has issues, everyone has trouble, everyone has pain, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has challenges, and everyone has a past, and then YOU can begin to appreciate that we all struggle with “stuff” that happens and causes havoc and messes things up. YOU have to know that YOU are not the only one who has dealt with disappointment and depression. YOU are not the first person to let someone down or be hurt by someone or have YOUR trust betrayed or betray someone else’s trust. We’ve all experienced loss and tragedy, of magnitudes that no human should ever have to endure, but they have, and they do, and as long as life continues, they will. Far too often we isolate ourselves in the caves of our imaginations of what magnitude we pretend our issues to be. So we avoid confrontation and connection in an effort to hide or distance ourselves from what sometimes feel like a fatalistic truth of our poverty. And we harbor negative thoughts and feelings to the behest of our own inherent and often inaccurate declarations of what our situation is. And we then poison the gardens of opportunity that are planted for us to enjoy with the weeds of lies and facts that we tell ourselves are insurmountable and impossible to be forgiven.

Challenge YOURSELF to let go!

Today is the chance YOU have to start the process that leads YOU to the place or person or purpose that is beyond YOUR past. YOUR biggest challenge is no other person, no thing, no place, no issue, or no expectation, YOUR biggest challenge is YOU! YOUR most daunting obstacle will be to face the person that stands in the mirror of YOUR own reflection and identify with that individual that it is okay to live. It is okay to breathe. Whatever the thing, or past, that YOU have been dealing with or hiding from will exist and haunt YOU until YOU step out of the shadows and stand up to it. Then YOU will realize that YOU are much bigger that who YOU were, or what happened, or what YOU had feared or assumed was the case. Quite common is the truth that we are understood but undiscovered, because we shy away from the chance to be embraced and encompassed by the support and love or compassion and understanding that is the fact that any human, at any given time, is sure to realize.

I challenge YOU to be bold in opening YOURSELF up to being freed of whatever hold that the past once held on YOU. I challenge YOU to stop fighting and stop running and stop hiding and stop blaming and stop making ridiculous excuses. I challenge YOU to let someone know what YOU are feeling and to listen as they share those same feelings, of their own, with YOU. I challenge YOU to decide that “now” is the one day YOU have hoped for to be rid of the hurt and shame and loneliness and guilt and un-forgiveness and silence and repetition that the past has become for YOU. I challenge YOU to breathe. To breathe in a new feeling of what is possible for YOU and to receive, as YOU inhale, the opportunity to be noticed, to be recognized, to be considered, to be trusted, to be healed, to be forgiven, and to be loved, and as YOU exhale, YOU release the feelings of doubt and hurt and insignificance and trauma and insecurity, that have paused YOUR life.

It is YOUR time. It is YOUR turn.
Once YOU accept the challenge!


©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers


Today’s -see 3/22/2014

How to “pass” the past. In 12 steps.
By -see

Step 6: Free.

[So I am halfway there. I’m halfway through the process. I’ve taken a first step, I’ve acknowledged the things that needed to be acknowledged, I’ve told the things that needed to be told, I have identified what certain issues are and that I am not alone in dealing with them, and I have studied myself and my past in a way that has allowed me to open up my mind and heart to being free from what the torments of my past once were. Now is time to free myself and free others from having to suffer the sabotage, the secrets, and the silence, which were all once part of the way I dealt with, handled, or coped with my life and my issues. It is time to allow the freedom of my being to open up my eyes, mind, hands, arms, and self to opportunity. It is time to allow healing and closure and resolution to happen in my life. It is time for me to take control of myself and live in that power. It is time to free!]

It seems so easy to suggest that being “free” allows a person to function in the mindset of freedom. If YOU are free then YOU are supposed to get to do the things and enjoy the activities of free people. Freedom should allow YOU deciding power over YOUR choices and the decisions that come YOUR way. Freedom is the absolute right and entitlement that guarantees YOU the opportunity to experiment and experience with the enjoyments of abundance and overflow and promise of what life has to offer.

Holding on or staying in YOUR past will stop all of that! YOUR past, good or bad is a cage. YOUR future, good or bad, is a cage. If YOU do not relinquish the attachment that YOU have to what happened, or what didn’t happen, or who did it, or who didn’t help you, or where the problem was, then YOU will certainly ensnare YOURSELF inside of a cage that will keep YOU locked away and far from reaching any potential that ever was for YOU. It is the same as being so broken in any sense that YOUR only hope is for the “future”. Sometimes we get so displeased with what has gone on or happened in our past or present lives that we separate ourselves from what is, or can be, by holding on to a what could be or what should be future that we begin to imagine for ourselves. The major problem is that in hoping for that future we ofttimes neglect to deal with or handle our issues with the past or present and only continue to create or foster the environments and conditions that hold us hostage. Some “dreamers” have this issue to a detriment. They become permanent dreamers and never get to “do” the things that are necessary to be done in order to realize those dreams. Dreams should be “naps” in YOUR life, short moments that create the atmosphere and opportunity to plan and rest, not long slumbers that keep YOU hoping or imagining a thing or some things that YOU could have experienced if YOU were “woke” per say. I have a line in one of my poems about Dr. King that reads:

“They needed us in a permanent dream,
that needed us in a permanent sleep,
they killed him
His dream survives permanently…”

In the broader scope of Dr. King’s life I completely understand and respect that he “did” and was about action that produced what he had envisioned and desired for humanity. I revere and respect him with a resolute affection for his stance and willingness to keep going and keep moving for what he had determined was his purpose. I have a great deal of love and admiration for his ability to press forward in the face of danger and difficulty that was, in his day and time, quite lawful and legal. He pressed forth for a bigger picture for us, those for whom he fought for. His dream should have been realized by now, but maybe as a people we are in the permanent sleep of it and haven’t done what was needed to “do” in order to realize it.

I refer to Dr. King in no manner to disrespect or disregard the legacy of such a man. The fact is that Dr. King accomplished many feats and was a part of the movement that made great strides in achieving certain freedoms and rights for people. I use him as a reference because Dr. King’s life was on the heels of slavery, a past that haunts this country and many people affected, to this present day. The horrific chains and cages and whippings, separations, lynchings, and murders all destroyed and devastated an entire race of people. And that past, that terrible past still exists for the truth that it is still held onto and remembered and carried on through the spirit by tradition and habits learned and experienced in those days. In secrecy and silence was how slaves communicated. When YOU are enslaved by YOUR past, YOU communicate in secrecy and silence. The slave mentality also justified the “not as bad” frame of consciousness that led to a mindset of thinking that perpetuated certain past realities into almost permanent presents.

Like “chitlins”, best way I can explain it is by using “chitlins”. I looked up chitterlings and found this:

“Chitterlings made from pigs are still occasionally eaten in the southern U.S. Consumption of chitterlings is uncommon today in the developed world, and is usually associated with poverty and in the black community.

In colonial times, hogs were slaughtered in December. When slavery was practiced in America slave owners commonly fed their slaves as cheaply as possible. At hog butchering time, the best cuts of meat were kept for the masters and the remainder, such as fatback, snouts, ears, neck bones, feet, and intestines, given to the slaves.”

Chitlins was what they gave slaves as nourishment after the good meat and parts of a big were eaten by the masters or better people. Chitlins was the best they, the slaves, could get. And the course stayed on menus and at the dinner tables of the south for generations now. To some, chitlins is a delicacy! I have never eaten them in my life. The smell alone is enough to prevent me from ever trying them. But knowing the history of them and that they are not healthy nor good for you, angers me that we keep on cooking up the chitlins. And the “fatback, snouts, ears, neck bones, are feet” rest assured on tables in our homes year after year.

Chitlins are not good for YOU. Chitlins are not necessary for YOU. They are the past and we have kept them going for all of this time. Chitlins are like the N-word.

Or YOU get free!

The “free” step is about accepting that YOU are able and capable to engage in new and different things than YOU may have been accustomed or acclimated to. Some of the negative things that we hold onto from our past are connected to the positive or good or desires that we hold and hope for. Chitlins are associated now with holidays which bring us together with family and friends and celebration and gift and love and togetherness. So they are continuously enjoyed by the virtue of tradition and culture and engrained in the memories of our identities. Never mind that they are unhealthy or not good for us. Doesn’t matter that they are what they always were, the trash of the hog, given to who were considered the trash of the time. And with the N-word, it was given just as chitlins was, and we began to identify with it and define ourselves, some of us, with and by it.

The “free” step is about being vulnerable and open to adjustment and learning new things. It is about being willing to forgo some of the old habits and traditions, not to completely distance YOURSELF from who YOU were or are but to create an identity that compliments who YOU know YOURSELF to be. YOU get to become and begin. YOU get to breathe and YOU get to live. YOU get to be healthy. YOU get to be free. YOU get to be free in YOUR speech and in YOUR thoughts. That freedom opens YOUR world up to opportunity and experience and relationships that aid YOU in the process of developing the life that YOU want. Being “free” as it pertains to a mindset opens up YOUR cage of the past and let’s YOU out. It unlocks the cage into YOUR future. it keeps YOU open in the now. And NOW is where YOU can best achieve and excel in what being “free” is.

Free YOURSELF up. Free YOUR mind. Free YOUR energy. Free YOUR life. To love and to live and to lead. To be and become. To dream, then DO!

To get a chance to presently be YOU! YOU have been “catching it” for too long, it is time to pass the past.


©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers

Today’s -see 3/20/2014

How to “pass” the past. In 12 steps.
By -see

Step 4: Identify.

Whose who;
Who is YOU;
Who sees YOU;
Who are YOU?

[The steps to passing the past are not linear. This process is not an “in order”, gradual method to accomplishing the success of properly or proactively being able to move on, move in , or move towards YOUR future. These steps are necessary but completely subjective to YOU and YOUR specific level of need. Some of them YOU already know or do, some of them are completely foreign concepts or thoughts. The fact is that YOU may be just one step away from realizing YOUR dream self, or YOU may need all 12. There is no requirement. YOU and YOUR truth will determine where these truths apply.]

One of the biggest mistakes humans make in the scope of not being able to live their optimum life is the feeling and idea they have that they are the only one who feels or experiences their particular pain. It seems almost inherent to individualize or internalize the idea that what YOU deal with is autonomous to YOU. We feel an ownest or obligation to our plights and perils, often to the detriment of observing the much larger picture. And we soon forget that we all experience and engage in a life that is very generous and bountiful in its disbursement of displeasures. An old friend once told me, “We’ve all got a little red wagon that carries our issues. YOU never know what some people are dragging along”. At the time that he said that to me I was way too caught up in my own selfish routine and regimen of sulking and sabotaging to realize the truth of his words. I felt for almost 20 years that no one could possibly know what I was going through. My feeling was that no one understood, they couldn’t possibly understand.

But they understand. Oh, do they understand! The fact of the matter is that we are all human. We are all composed of the same exact matter. We all need oxygen to breathe. We all need blood to circulate. We all need water to hydrate. We all need nourishment to survive. We all need connection. Although we eventually grow from birth to develop our own personalities, preferences, and particulars, I believe wholeheartedly that the three components to our living a most productive and positive life are SAFETY, SECURITY, and SIGNIFICANCE. I believe that all of our true needs and desires fall under those specific umbrellas. No matter who or what YOU are, SAFETY, SECURITY, and SIGNIFICANCE, are the elements that YOU seek in order to be pleased with YOUR own self, with YOUR specific journey, with who YOU, specifically are.

And everyone can identify with that!

The “IDENTIFY” step is about identifying the who, what, where, why, and when, of YOU in an effort to realize that YOU are YOUR own self and YOU own that self but YOU are not at all, in any point, by YOURSELF. There is someone who identifies with YOU. The names, dates, or places, may be different but the request and results are all the same. Someone knows what YOU are going through. Someone has or is going through it. There is someone who recognizes and realizes YOUR issues. Either because they have studied them by education, or studied them by experience. YOU are a part of a much larger group of “selves” and in that group may be the answer or an example that YOU may find helpful in being able to identify what it is YOU are going through or dealing with and how to or how not to cope. There is an advocate, there is someone who acknowledges what YOU are, what YOU are about, and what it is about YOU that YOU may or may not know the identity of. Just that knowledge is refreshing. To find out that it is a possibility, reason, and justification for our worst secrets, our darkest silence, our most embarrassing stories is cathartic, and revealing.

This step is about recognizing that when YOU have identified what issues are present then YOU are able to define and deal with those issues. Knowing that YOU are not alone will allow YOU to take some of the pressure and weight from thinking or believing that no one else would or will be able to aid YOU in being able to appropriately relieve the stress or the causal factors for those stresses. The theory is actually quite common, especially as we observe the reasons that people join or associate themselves in groups, associations, and organizations. It is for the purpose of having common ground and comfort with the principles and platforms of like-minded, or like-inclined, individuals. There is truly strength in numbers. And in that overall cumulative strength is the power and capability to empower the individuals that come together to form or support such. So YOU get to identify YOURSELF as someone who is able to move forward and beyond whatever has been able to hold YOU back. YOU get to do that by reaching out and communicating with someone like YOU. Or someone who is familiar with what YOU have dealt or are dealing, with. When YOU identify YOURSELF or whatever the problem may be, it makes it easier to be made aware of what the solution is, or what the habits, tendencies, and traditions are, that have led YOU to maintaining the mediocrity or messes as YOU have.

When YOU have identified what the issues are, what YOU are “in” or “are” because of those issues, why those issues exist, who is responsible for those issues, and when or what may be triggers for those issues or what happens because of them, YOU will find access to the solution and support for resolving them. Identifying who YOU are and what YOU want, need, enjoy, or require, to live YOUR best self gives YOU the safety, security, and significance that satisfies YOUR reason and purpose for being.

The end result is finding out that YOU are capable and able to achieve the success and greatness that YOU deserve. Once YOU identify what imprisons YOU, YOU can better achieve freedom. YOU will better determine what it takes to get free, to be free. YOU will leave the place that YOU have no desire to be in. YOU will pass the past. Because of who YOU are, in the bigger picture. The stroke that YOUR life is, on the larger canvas of existence. The color that YOU are, in the rainbow of what the promise of what being given life is. YOU are “body” in the sense of the everybody that goes through, deals with, suffers from, struggles with, and encounters … something, stuff, life, the facts of life, and the facts of living.

Once YOU see that, they will see YOU!


©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers