Tag Archives: Drive

Love Is… (Relationship)

There is definitely a period or season in which your relationship will be even, where it should be even. “Even” in a sense of and respect to accord and assurance and automatic access to agreement. There is a time where everything seemingly always goes together in a symbiotic unity that is all spectacular and in the space of magical amazingness.

It is supposed to be like that.

For a period, for a season.

But relationships that actually last and have depth and definition and detail and evolve into destiny aren’t “even” all the time. Not even most of the time.

There is always an issue, some challenges, some changes, disruption and delay, confusion, chaos, hurt and hell to go through. There is always a problem, a decision, a choice, an obligation and a responsibility to pick a side. There is always question and instigation and accusation and controversy. There is always mess and frustration and misery demanding to sit in your company. There are moments of lack and lethargy, discontent and so much noise.

While the work has to be done.

While the bills have to be paid.

While the home has to be kept.

While the kids have to be raised.

While the time keeps passing by.

And still, more importantly still…

The soul has to be uplifted.

The spirit has to be nourished.

The mind has to be stimulated.

The romance has to be maintained.

The peace has to kept.

Your mate has to be considered.

Love is not just love. Love is everything more than love. Love is all the things more than love. Love is sacrifice and surrender whilst satisfying self. Love is particular and specific and yet ambiguous and wide. Love is gentle and firm. Love is intelligent and understanding. Love is complete yet open, comprehensive and curious.

And relationships require the steadiness of the unknown to abide its journey into fate. Ever heard of the good fight? The good fight is a relationship. The good fight is an ever-ongoing battle for the sake of someone else. The good fight is sleepless and exhausting and turbulent and demanding and constant. It always is. There is no time or room for the expectations or ask that a relationship is anything other than that.

Those seasons of complete congruence are the ultimate reward for complying with a confrontation that is compliment of your courage and cause. That good is a direct result of how good you become in the tantrum of this dynamic. You will absolutely know the days that are fantastic by the default of what those terrible times demand of you!

You’ll find “odds” more often than not. What you will achieve good at is deciding when to debate and when to defer. Compassion and patience are outfits that should align the wardrobe of your wants. Love is tender. Love is an acute mandate that you honor and embody to stay in the way. To be available for the fight. To be present and aware to the unknown. Because you chose this and for as long as an iota of desire rest in the two of you, you are obligated to take arms and forge into the fisticuffs of faith and action.

Through it all. For as long as it takes. And that is matrimony. That is what marriage really is. That is a relationship. Arduous and audacious and ambitious and abundant and adamant.

For each one of you.

Because on both sides, bookending that “season” of total compliment is life. And life requires that differences be met with diligence and discipline. And life requires decision. You decided on a relationship.

This is what you have to do.



©2018 Cornelious “See” Flowers


Relationship (Notes)…

The best relationship is the one where y’all can actually RELATE! Like, the two of you KNOW one another because you learned and studied to gain the wisdom of how to treat/deal with/care for/love on/trust in/be trusted by/respect/appreciate/build/build with/acknowledge/honor/protect/be loyal to/be committed to/ be faithful to/understand/challenge/grow/push/motivate/drive/inspire/parent with/share with/be responsible for/regard/consider/plan with/plant with/grow with/succeed with one another. And there is so much more.

The REAL relationships don’t just make it when things are good, when there is money, when there is a crowd, when everyone is watching, when the weather is perfect. The REAL relationships survive the quiet, navigate through and get better through the storm, figure out how to handle and respect the hardships and trials. The REAL relationships communicate through it all. Whether they talk it out, hug it out, cry it out, pray it out, plan it out, THEY WORK IT OUT TOGETHER. These are the relationships that survive. Because they’ve earned being fought for. Because they have value aside of temporal and trivial desires. They matter more. They mean something more TO BOTH PARTNERS. There is more than a sense and notion towards the consistency. They strive to be solid. They acknowledge and understand the peace in that. They are backed by love BUT they are maintained by THE WORK! By the effort! By the energy put forth.

The REAL relationships aren’t always on the same PAGE but they are ALWAYS working towards the same ENDING of the same BOOK. So any disagreement/argument/critique/criticism/issue is always handled with this in mind: We may not always “agree” but WE HAVE AGREED that nothing is too big or to hard for our own selfish desires to humble and acknowledge that we may be wrong or uninformed or unaware of and able to constructively work through. REAL LOVE and REAL RELATIONSHIPS acknowledge this and accept that this is the law that must be abided by. Because there will always be a reason or excuse to walk away or give up but the reason to stay is worth doing just that.

And then know this… THE RIGHT MATE, PARTNER, SPOUSE is absolutely worth surrendering, sacrificing, and settling for. That is what you have to do in order to remove the pass and access that exposes you to temptation or “options” outside of your committed relationship. The Safety/Security/Significance of your union requires and depends on you choosing and standing/staying by YOUR choice. And when two people have this as the mandate of their hearts/minds/souls then what follows is the kind of symbiosis that supports and provides FOREVER BLISS, “happily ever after”, REAL!

It is a process. It is work. It requires your attention, your strength, your compassion, your ALL, your EVERYTHING, from BOTH OF YOU, continuously.

It will work IF YOU DO THE WORK and keep working so that it works out…

Can you RELATE?


©2018 Cornelious “See” Flowers


Today’s -see

YOU have to decide whether or not YOU are going to go after that dream, if YOU are going to try to accomplish that goal, when YOU are going to make that change, and how YOU are going to make things happen.
YOU, for YOURSELF, and at first BY YOURSELF, will have to take the biggest chance on YOU! YOU will have to invest in, gamble on, sacrifice for, and take advantage of WHATEVER opportunity presents itself to YOU and sometimes YOU will have to create that atmosphere and opportunity, YOURSELF. Yes, YOU can win because YOU want the win, because YOU want to win, and because YOU are willing to do what it takes to earn the victory but it’s up to YOU. It will happen because of YOU!

Today’s -see

If YOU do not factor in (or realize) what has been deciding YOUR fate(s) thus far YOU will eliminate YOUR chance of being or becoming a or the deciding factor in YOUR destiny going forward; It may hurt to realize that until this point YOU have been controlled by a force or familiarity outside or aside of YOURSELF but taking in that information and taking control by taking on the situation(s) will give YOU the right and reason to get back on track and in control, NOW!

Closure. A resolution.

CLOSURE and RESOLUTION are two very different things;
YOU may never get resolution in or on certain matters because resolution most often requires someone else to take responsibility for whatever it is that has left YOU open, hurt, broken, or taken advantage of and more than likely that person or those people are not likely to adjust or amend how they operate or have operated, what they did or are doing because how they have been or are operating is due to who they were or are and not who YOU are or were to them.
Closure, on the other hand, requires that YOU take advantage of YOUR brokenness or pain by being open to the healing effects of faith, hope, belief, trust, and time in order to begin to operate outside and beyond the horrors of hell that YOU may have been put in or through despite the facts and truths of how much had or has happened. Resolution normally holds someone else accountable while closure makes account for YOU!
Resolution, to our normal idea and practice, aligns with the mitigating factors and realities of justice, vengeance, retaliation and/or retribution. Closure realigns YOU and constitutes YOU a factor in spite of the presence of reciprocity or responsibility of other parties. Resolution makes YOU a part of whatever conclusion justifies your satisfaction in seeing them “pay” for what they have done, closure sets YOU apart from what they have done. Resolution is a reminder, closure is a release.
Most times we confuse the two, closure and resolution, or we combine them unknowingly as we seek to redeem or rehabilitate ourselves, our feelings, our dreams, our trusts, our families, our hearts, and our pasts and they are not always synonymous. As we seek healthy interaction and inclusion we often measure our progress based on the amount of “justice” that has been served or the “karma” or “payback” that has availed itself unto the person or people that so harmed us and by virtue of being able to appreciate that they have or are suffering some consequence or constraint gives us a sense of confidence in not being singled out or severed by their act or actions, instead we are led to believe that our closure is contingent upon the opening of their wound or the eruption or corruption of their world as was or is ours. And often, if we have not dealt with “closure” properly, aside from resolution or the idea of resolution, to see a person suffer does nothing to or for us. It instead leaves gaping holes and questions, surmounted by immeasurable pain and prolonged devastation and chaos., it only facilitates the perpetuation of habits and histories of tradition that become ingrained into the system of our lives and livelihoods and is soon a part of our individual and immediate culture. It sets up the premise and personification of generational and bloodline curses and habits, it forms the negative identities that become our reputation and resolve as well as our reflex and response to ourselves and others. Unresolved issues promote unimaginable, unbelievable, and unthinkable ways and means of survival that most often are generated out of desperation and a dire need to gather attention in some fashion as a way of being able to feel existence as because most tragedy and trial done to or involving us leaves us feeling alienated and/or unknown. We then become offensive defenses that are hypersensitive to the chance of being hurt and so to eliminate that variable we become the arbitrator and administer of the pain, or the punishment. We do unto others before they can do to us.
That is what happens when things are unresolved and when we depend on resolution as our closure. This is the cycle and circle of mediocrity that seasonally plays out in our lives and in our interactions and becomes the way that we relate in our relationships, friendships, and acquaintances. This is what happens when we rely on a system or the system of authority or the system that we are or have/had been part of to mandate and manage itself to our safety, security, and significance. That system being government or grandma. The law or our loved ones. Whatever “system” it is that should, or should have, protected us, that should have shown care and consideration towards our “best” interest, that should have defined its success and survival on the premise and platform of those that it is charged to be responsible for. Quite often that system, government or grandma, fails us. Even being all that we may know as love, support, foundation, integrity, character, morality, family, value, inspiration, motivation, habit, choice, everything and anything that has to do with everything or anything, these systems fail us and our idea of success is to operate and succeed in these systems, to the degree of difficulty known to be overcome by those before us have that been able to survive it. So then we are resolute in the resolve that when these systems “fail” us we must obtain closure in order to function aside of the disappointment and devastation and that closure, as I mentioned earlier, is to be due to what we can get “resolved”, whatever “resolution” that satisfies our appetite or thirst for being equal, being deemed “justified”, being seen as matter. And it, this idea, feeds on itself as a nutrition, and that is most dangerous and unhealthy. YOU become what has been done to YOU and you feed from that and thus become more of it. As the saying goes, “Hurt people HURT people”.
Or YOU get closure.
And closure is simple.
Closure is believing that nothing or no matter what has happened, YOU still have to keep going. Closure doesn’t mean that YOU have to or are going to forget the past, nor does it mean that YOU won’t run into “it” along the way but closure means that YOU won’t continue to be vulnerable to it as YOU had or have been. Closure means that YOU allow YOURSELF to breathe and to rest and to grow above and beyond whatever circumstance or situation, instance or individual, that YOU encountered along the way that seemed to have happened to distract, destroy, or distance YOU from YOUR destiny. Closure is YOU being able to tell YOUR truth with the facts that are YOURS to tell in order to expose YOU to the benefit of being able to have overcome the trials, troubles, and tragedies of YOUR past. Closure is knowing that things happen, life happens, to everyone, anyone that is living and the fact that YOU are still living gives YOU a chance to live more life, alive, in the face of adversity and on the heel of a history that may have not been so much so to the expectation and desire of YOUR plan. But closure is a chance to try again. Closure is a guarantee that YOU won’t be hurt like “that” before and YOU won’t respond like “that” again. Closure is YOUR safety, security, and significance. Closure is YOU taking the power away from who or whatever hurt YOU and instead empowering YOURSELF to move on, up, and over into better days. Closure is YOUR resolution. Closure doesn’t mean that “justice” doesn’t need to be served, it means that a need for justice won’t define nor deny YOU going forward. Closure will open YOU up to new opportunities and new people that YOU will make YOURSELF available to and YOU will benefit from because of whatever YOU had been through, whatever YOUR story is. Closure doesn’t take away the pain, it shows YOU that YOU are able to progress through it. Closure shows that YOU can be vulnerable and feel and TRUST and believe and have faith and LOVE and that YOU CAN AND WILL DO THESE THINGS AGAIN! Closure is YOUR rest assurance that YOU are free from the binding ties and turbulences that had marred or marked YOUR path before this point and are now just place-markers, reference points, along the way of YOUR journey to remind YOU of what YOU can and have accomplished. Closure is a success in and of itself and though it does not guarantee that things will always work out YOUR way, it shows YOU what YOU are able to work YOUR way out of! Closure eliminates a lot of the hard work that comes with having to deal with people or be dealt with by them.
YOUR resolution should be closure. Maybe they get what they deserve, maybe they don’t. YOU don’t deserve to suffer because of it.


©2013 Cornelious “See” Flowers

Today’s -see

The. best way to “demonstrate” is to have YOUR “demons” straight; YOU overcoming (whatever it is that YOU make it through, over, or to) will come over as a more believable and attainable reality to use as an effective example and exercise toward change than your preaching or posturing ever will. People don’t always listen to what they are told but they can’t ignore what they’ve been shown. Show them.

Today’s -see

Once YOU have recognized and accepted that YOU are or have been capable of acknowledging, accepting, and/or allowing, to this point, the “worst” of any today (past or present), YOU will be able to approach and attack, without fear, the “what if” (good, bad, and unknown) of any tomorrow.