This me… (No one knows) [POEM]

Tears run down my face
no sounds
sounds bound by fear
but I speak loud,
usually
no tears
no one knows this me
trapped insecurities
parading as belief
leaving me to believe
that no one
not one
understands me
or stands for me
or is willing to be
what I need
an example of how to
how to
be free
or just be
without the caution…

Lost in my transgression
was my transition
transferred from who I was
to this place here
position
from unknown
to unmentioned
just a speck in the I of who once ago was
a condition
a rendition of a caged birds song
a listen
a vision of remembrance,
history

No mystery that I am as I have
found myself to be loved
for things I hate about me
helpless to fix the brokenness,
an identity
the way I know myself
like in the dark,
the only place I can see
so I find myself
alone
or always trying to be,
purposely
in the company of an imagination
that always loves me
for me
and proves it,
by consistency
consistently,
destroying me

Showing me all of the things
that are wrong
about me
and how all that I wait for
had gone without me
because I was too proud
too proud to doubt me
because I wanted to feel,
authentically
wanted to be loved,
appreciatively
wanted to be aware,
instinctively…

instead I sit here
with these tears,
silently
trying to make sense,
of simple things
just wanting nothing more
than to breathe,
unrestrictedly
wanting to turn on the light
so that I am seen
wanting to fight
for the right of me
and stop the travel
of this blinding plea
this has gone on forever,
in spite of me

I had even lay across the tracks
before the train could leave
and wouldn’t you know,
it was going east
so from the ground,
I watched it flee
instead of what it should have,
run over me
but what more could I’ve known
I’ve such awful luck,
faithfully
just keep on surviving,
such fateful things
and writing these stories
that no one sees
or seems
to believe
are me…

So the tears run down my face
with no sounds
the sounds bound by fear
even but I speak loud,
usually
with no tears,
yet, no one knows this me

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers

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