Category Archives: Spoken Word

Feelings…


I no longer have feelings…
my feelings have me
hostage to not having control,
and forced to let things be

My feelings have me convinced
that I deserve to cry
I don’t deserve the guilt and shame,
I don’t deserve to die

I’ve feelings for my past abide
was it right that I maintained?
I longed for a numbness to decide
if I should ever change

the hurt and having no remorse
the habits of walking away
the reservations for possibility
the having of nothing to say

Feelings feel like nothing I’ve felt
and I am fraught with feeling fear
don’t know how to control so much,
that one feeling is clear

I’ve felt for more than otherwise
but I was stupid in my feels
because I ignored my honest truth
in my attempts to let me heal

and my feelings took that control,
convinced me to protest
so I found retreat in darkened states
to hide a heart I could not protect

running was my sound resort
even neglecting to stop for air
letting all the pain be breeze behind
I couldn’t feel what wasn’t there

until it caught up with me and fought
as fast as I’d ever seen
before I’d know anything better
I wouldn’t know what to believe

a tingle, a touch, a tear, at a time
soon enough I’d be willing to see
that the life I’d spent knowing so sure
was in fact a life nothing like me

this was the truth that had me bound
coerced into facing a mirrors eye
submerged inside of a sterile hope
that nothing was ever worth the try

because feelings have but such a life
and expire like words unmeant to say
Yet here I was pretending to not care
but harboring care in every way

the penultimate threat was love
I distasted her once, or twice before
the pendulum swinging stuck in line
with a hatred I had for knowing more

I evolved into a mess of sorts
a sensitive version of broken man
in dire need of recompense
or at least another chance

Because,

I no longer have feelings…
my feelings have me
hostage to not having control,
and forced to let things be.

-see

©️2022 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet





In the End


yesterday i had no fear
today i have regret
tomorrow shows no remorse
in the end i won’t forget

yesterday i lived
today i think too much
tomorrow doesn’t even matter
in the end was not enough

yesterday i prayed
today i proposed
tomorrow is not promised
in the end i should have chose

yesterday i imagined
today i was hesitant
tomorrow won’t recognize
in the end was no evidence

yesterday i liked
today i loved
tomorrow i will remember
in the end i was

yesterday was important
today means that much more
tomorrow is an opportunity
in the end that might occur

yesterday might have taught
today i surely learned
tomorrow i’ll know better
in the end i had my turn

yesterday was for discovery
today is my decide
tomorrow will be different
in the end i’ll be defined

yesterday i had no fear
today i have regret
tomorrow shows no remorse
in the end i won’t forget

-see

©️2022 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Until We Equal One…


It’s no different
that I listen
when you cry out your eyes

just my system
to pay attention
to what you hold deep down inside

make no mention
the all you’ve been through
made you just the way you are

who wants perfect
it’s not worth it
If it’s hiding all your scars

I know better
than to love you
like you’ve once been loved before

how dare you settle
for another ever
when you desire so much more

coping methods
searching desperate
for a reason to be held

using leverage
just a weapon
that’s the secret that you tell

it’s not meant to lie
this reason being
instead of baring all you can

what is happy
having not been hurt,
and giving one more chance

you want yours
I want you
there is much that must be done

making sure
to do the math
until we equal one.

-see

©️2022 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethpoet







I Believe You [Poem]


I believe you...
led him to believe
that you wanted to
because you wanted to
and he had given you
some kind of impression
that he wanted you
and that was, at some point
enough of a reason
for you to come into
a space that,
made you comfortable
and by that point,
he was there to comfort you

... and a look continued
into a touch
that became a kiss
and you wanted so much...
to let him let himself go,
do whatever he wanted to
in order to let himself know
that he was in control
your mind, body, and soul
all in submission
and you had given him permission
to this point
to go this far
but now you feel different
like you don’t want to
and it’s hard
because it’s hard
and he’s saying that...
that you made it like this
and this part
is just this hard
and for his part, he’s no help
only caring about himself
at this point
and you’re not into it
or him,
instantly.

I believe you...
had and have
every right
to change your mind
even this instance,
to stave off the kind of
guilt and shame
that comes and came
with feeling obligated
or oppressed into
being an object meant to supplant
his ego for your emotion
and by no means
is your suggestive gesture
any measure of support
that he should suggest his pleasure
more important
than your self-respect
or dignity
you do not owe him
a release, or relief
or anything that requires
that you surrender
to his desire
when you don’t want to
or it
does not matter what you said
what you wore
what you had done
how far you had gone
or if.

I believe you...
are believable
and it is absolutely inconceivable
to me
that anyone is unwilling to see
that it is not ever going to be
a power of any men
to un-empower you
and I’ll put my foot on the neck
of one attempting to devour you
or your voice
you are not our chattel
WE ARE YOUR CHOICE
as so you choose
and there are some of us
who will advocate and apologize
until you lose... the fear
of not being valued
AND PROTECTED
because too many of us
are insecure,
and in fear of being rejected,

I believe you...
deserve consideration
because you considered waiting
even after you’d considered saying
something else
you get to say no
whenever you say so
no one can say something else
and you get to consider you,
not what someone felt
or what they’ll say about you
because no matter what they say
IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT YOU
and you being present and aware
in and at any given moment
to decide that you want to do
whatever you have chosen,
not what he, she,
or society says is appropriate
or inferred
don’t you dare accept responsibility
or a role
for anything absurd...
like “no one will believe you”
because YES the hell WE DO
and contrary to whatever context
that he will cite,
let me repeat:
WE WILL FIGHT!

So speak up about it
Speak out your loud
and Speak your truth
however you need to,
You are worth it
You are
worth whatever amount of
whatever it takes to
let your voice be heard,
and someone needs you
someone needs to hear you say it
that you survived
because you decided
not to take it... anymore
same rules apply,
to any woman
to any sister
to any daughter
to any niece
to any aunty
to any mother
to any cousin
to any friend
to any neighbor
to any free spirit
to any virgin
or any version
to any sex worker
to any whore...

That’s your body
and yours to say no
and if you say you didn’t say so,
I believe you.

-see

©️2021 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet


Re-Pair-Ed… [POEM]

i remember wanting you
and nothing else
until you hurt me
now nothing helps
to bring you back to life
from the dead to me you are
and i still love you
but i’m reminded by this scar
that has healed so well
and you’re beautiful as a memory
the ugly things you did
aren’t even worth remembering
but serve as a lesson love leaves
so that i can try again
instead of feeling ways
how about we just not be friends
i’ll still hope for you the best
and even pray you live your truth
i don’t see our time as wasted
your presence gave me proof
that work is more than words
and action must be real
your apologies meant me nothing
but to keep me standing still…

Damn i remember wanting you
i thought that would be enough
until i found true love in myself,
so there is no need for us.

-see

©2018 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Love Is… (Relationship)

There is definitely a period or season in which your relationship will be even, where it should be even. “Even” in a sense of and respect to accord and assurance and automatic access to agreement. There is a time where everything seemingly always goes together in a symbiotic unity that is all spectacular and in the space of magical amazingness.

It is supposed to be like that.

For a period, for a season.

But relationships that actually last and have depth and definition and detail and evolve into destiny aren’t “even” all the time. Not even most of the time.

There is always an issue, some challenges, some changes, disruption and delay, confusion, chaos, hurt and hell to go through. There is always a problem, a decision, a choice, an obligation and a responsibility to pick a side. There is always question and instigation and accusation and controversy. There is always mess and frustration and misery demanding to sit in your company. There are moments of lack and lethargy, discontent and so much noise.

While the work has to be done.

While the bills have to be paid.

While the home has to be kept.

While the kids have to be raised.

While the time keeps passing by.

And still, more importantly still…

The soul has to be uplifted.

The spirit has to be nourished.

The mind has to be stimulated.

The romance has to be maintained.

The peace has to kept.

Your mate has to be considered.

Love is not just love. Love is everything more than love. Love is all the things more than love. Love is sacrifice and surrender whilst satisfying self. Love is particular and specific and yet ambiguous and wide. Love is gentle and firm. Love is intelligent and understanding. Love is complete yet open, comprehensive and curious.

And relationships require the steadiness of the unknown to abide its journey into fate. Ever heard of the good fight? The good fight is a relationship. The good fight is an ever-ongoing battle for the sake of someone else. The good fight is sleepless and exhausting and turbulent and demanding and constant. It always is. There is no time or room for the expectations or ask that a relationship is anything other than that.

Those seasons of complete congruence are the ultimate reward for complying with a confrontation that is compliment of your courage and cause. That good is a direct result of how good you become in the tantrum of this dynamic. You will absolutely know the days that are fantastic by the default of what those terrible times demand of you!

You’ll find “odds” more often than not. What you will achieve good at is deciding when to debate and when to defer. Compassion and patience are outfits that should align the wardrobe of your wants. Love is tender. Love is an acute mandate that you honor and embody to stay in the way. To be available for the fight. To be present and aware to the unknown. Because you chose this and for as long as an iota of desire rest in the two of you, you are obligated to take arms and forge into the fisticuffs of faith and action.

Through it all. For as long as it takes. And that is matrimony. That is what marriage really is. That is a relationship. Arduous and audacious and ambitious and abundant and adamant.

For each one of you.

Because on both sides, bookending that “season” of total compliment is life. And life requires that differences be met with diligence and discipline. And life requires decision. You decided on a relationship.

This is what you have to do.

-see

@seethepoet

©2018 Cornelious “See” Flowers

Relationship (Notes)…

The best relationship is the one where y’all can actually RELATE! Like, the two of you KNOW one another because you learned and studied to gain the wisdom of how to treat/deal with/care for/love on/trust in/be trusted by/respect/appreciate/build/build with/acknowledge/honor/protect/be loyal to/be committed to/ be faithful to/understand/challenge/grow/push/motivate/drive/inspire/parent with/share with/be responsible for/regard/consider/plan with/plant with/grow with/succeed with one another. And there is so much more.

The REAL relationships don’t just make it when things are good, when there is money, when there is a crowd, when everyone is watching, when the weather is perfect. The REAL relationships survive the quiet, navigate through and get better through the storm, figure out how to handle and respect the hardships and trials. The REAL relationships communicate through it all. Whether they talk it out, hug it out, cry it out, pray it out, plan it out, THEY WORK IT OUT TOGETHER. These are the relationships that survive. Because they’ve earned being fought for. Because they have value aside of temporal and trivial desires. They matter more. They mean something more TO BOTH PARTNERS. There is more than a sense and notion towards the consistency. They strive to be solid. They acknowledge and understand the peace in that. They are backed by love BUT they are maintained by THE WORK! By the effort! By the energy put forth.

The REAL relationships aren’t always on the same PAGE but they are ALWAYS working towards the same ENDING of the same BOOK. So any disagreement/argument/critique/criticism/issue is always handled with this in mind: We may not always “agree” but WE HAVE AGREED that nothing is too big or to hard for our own selfish desires to humble and acknowledge that we may be wrong or uninformed or unaware of and able to constructively work through. REAL LOVE and REAL RELATIONSHIPS acknowledge this and accept that this is the law that must be abided by. Because there will always be a reason or excuse to walk away or give up but the reason to stay is worth doing just that.

And then know this… THE RIGHT MATE, PARTNER, SPOUSE is absolutely worth surrendering, sacrificing, and settling for. That is what you have to do in order to remove the pass and access that exposes you to temptation or “options” outside of your committed relationship. The Safety/Security/Significance of your union requires and depends on you choosing and standing/staying by YOUR choice. And when two people have this as the mandate of their hearts/minds/souls then what follows is the kind of symbiosis that supports and provides FOREVER BLISS, “happily ever after”, REAL!

It is a process. It is work. It requires your attention, your strength, your compassion, your ALL, your EVERYTHING, from BOTH OF YOU, continuously.

It will work IF YOU DO THE WORK and keep working so that it works out…

Can you RELATE?

-see

©2018 Cornelious “See” Flowers

@seethepoet

No Regrets [POEM]

the way you loved me worked

even if the way you loved me hurt

but I’d long ago gotten used to it

after all, I’d gotten use through it

I prefer a pain that prepares me

and being ignored just scares me

so I was always going to make it

to show you that I could take it

while you’d never been challenged

for manners you had learned malice

I felt that I could reach you

felt my submission would teach you

oh, you hurt me as routine

but my wants were as you need

I surrendered pride and peace

for attention

traded self-esteem and dignity

for a mention

I am torn for your amusement

worn or warned as you choose it

you found new ways to destroy

apology used as a decoy

my body served you first and last

you never had to ask

I had to beg for reciprocity

or for you to get on top of me

to adore me in your lust

you’d just ignore me in your rush

your pleasing was to oblige me

but you’ve never been inside me

while I emptied you of desire

you just let mines expire…

but the way you loved me worked

even if the way you loved me hurt.

-see

©2018 Cornelious “See” Flowers

@seethepoet