Addict…

You met a me that had no idea who I was and had myself been any the wiser or known any better I would have let you let it go before you let me know that you recognized me from a future that would someday become one I was likely to know…
Because now what’s done is done and you won’t believe a word I say outside of I was wrong and I’m too stubborn to relinquish the rights to my pain just long enough to understand that you got hurt helping me, and that what both of us did was done selfishly, and that means we have something else in common other than the denominator that equates to us taking drama up and down the escalator of nowhere…
It’s not fair that I get to express and explain while you only have to maintain some sense of dignity that sustains your credibility and reputation versus having to move on to someone else waiting or willing to be dealt the hand you decided would not give you a chance to beat me, love is a fixed game, you only win if you cheat me…
And so speaking for what we could have been/did/or had, I’ve been, did, and had and I will be/do/ and have again, so you again is just what it is and that goes for you as well, no telling if we will cooperate with destiny and definitely or be distracted and delay what is inevitable…
Right one, wrong too, so we belong sorted into boxes of oxymorons that are thrown into the mix of emotions I attempt to separate myself from when I run into my reflection and attempt to direct my self to express some sense of clarity or compassion towards asking the question…
Did it matter that I only mattered when it mattered to you? Or did it ever occur inside of your imagination that I was just as confused? Or were you blind to my imperfections because you only saw through to my being capable of being yours one day and so you were willing to look past my past hoping to past me off as something else other than someone good enough to settle for saying “I do” one day…
I do one day intend to stop long enough to start seriously considering the fact that I’ve backed myself into a corner that is far more comfortable than the warmest of regard that you could offer and so the coffers of my wellsprings only mean a damned thing to which I imply that I don’t apply a damn thing, according to you I was just a damn thing, you’ve dealt with more before, the truth is that I was yours before you said anything and then you went and said everything that messed that up…
I confess, the rest just sucked. You gave more reasons not to while doing the very thing and that looked like something else but was in fact a slight difference being that I never asked for it…
My bad for it being this way but this way you can blame me for the very thing that makes you want to be away while still being able to stay apart of my story to save face, …
It is only because of amazing grace that I have no faith in us, trust issues aside you just arrived at the wrong time and the truth be told, it was all lies, one way or another, my perspective or your opinion, neither convincing enough to argue for a continuance or a stay so it’ll be much easier if we just say good bye as opposed to good riddances and avoid any long drawn out sentences that we will probably commute anyway,
You know if I see your face,
Because the only reason to say no is death and I’ve got too much life left in me to be pretending that I don’t want you back, even if its just for that, sad,
Dear Habit, I got you bad.

©2013 Cornelious “See” Flowers

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