Not the one, but THAT one…

There are some people who pass through your life to remind you of your dreams. Maybe you fall in love with them or what they do, or their carefree attitude, or their lackadaisical demeanor and characteristics. Maybe they inspire you with their free-spiritedness and nonchalant attitude towards responsibility or order. But their lifestyle frustrates you. The spontaneous combustion of their impulses only seems to drive you more and more crazy. You want to be mad at them but deep inside you long to see them succeed at who they are because you know in your heart that they are following their true purpose in the timing that is perfectly suited to their journey. They don’t fit the mold or live up to the expectations nor do they assume to pretend to become the normal that society or expectation says that they should. And you are helpless to influence them in a manner that reflects the demands or ultimatums that you’ve imagined are required for them to realize or become the person that may give them the balance and stability that provides more structure and consistency. You’re just left to bear witness. To pray. To feel. To hurt. Sometimes and quite often, you are left helpless, only to be threatened by the jeopardy of their no intention.

But you’ve never laughed louder or cried harder or smiled bigger or felt more impassioned or alive than you do in certain moments with this person. And they make you feel good. Their hopes and dreams, their stories, their visions, their wants, all those things are sexy and they drive you to an insane point of belief and love for the energy of life. You feel a sense of freedom and vulnerability that gives you confidence and strength, it is unexplainable. It is exhilarating! You want to leap valleys over the impossible and do the unthinkable, all to enjoy the peace of being who you are. And this person brings this out of you.

And then they are gone. Like wind through the calligraphy of trees in a forest of miles, they disappear. Yours eyes must close to imagine and remember the breeze of their sound, a noise that reminds you constantly of their words or their faces, or how these things make you feel. They leave your space to pursue an indefinite nothingness and to be extraordinary, just the same. They leave behind memories and T-shirts soaked in the fragrance of scents that remind you of how much you hate about them. They leave behind gaping holes and emptiness that destroys your faith and confidence in taking chances or risk on people who don’t fit the perception. They abandon you in your times of need to flamboyantly explore the generosity of other open doors, or windows, or hearts.

And you’ve been left to find out hints and clues of what could have made things different. But nothing makes sense. And every song seems to remind you of them. You dodge questions and inquiry about them because you have no idea why they left or what went wrong or if at all anything was.

Then they pop up or drop by or call or you run into them and you get to forget the absence in their presence. They have new stories and more hope and bigger dreams. Somehow they have a brighter energy, a more important purpose, and a larger reservoir of golden personality than before. You try to comfort any distress, fix any brokenness, and heal every wound. You listen intently for reasons to doubt but every sound, every syllable, and every word excites you. And you give them meaning for your life. You decide on definition for them being near you. You settle for these moments because these moments give you more fuel to carry you on, in between the rest areas of your life trip. Because an ounce of their pour into you propels you forward unlike anything else ever has.

It is a turbulent trip, a viciously imbalanced and disproportionate cycle. Highs and lows that rock violently from all sides and have no formal shape or form. There are no labels or titles. Just moments. Moments that make you dream and think, moments that make you wonder. Moments that drive you hysterical with questions. Moments that force you to remember that all you have to look forward to with them are moments.

Because they are just passing through. Just sheets in the wind, ideas of the mind, stars in the sky. They are pictures. Stills in the processing phase of your life’s movie. Flowers along the way of your journey. They are in fact moments. Moments that you remember. Moments that you hold onto for dear life. Moments that are so dear to your life that you sacrifice your life for that person, you surrender your time and energy and all else to that person. For nothing but a moment. Moments that destroy your trust but fortify your soul. Moments that give you joy and set the standard for your future resolve towards happiness. Moments that give you hope.

Hope for more…

But you’ll never forget them.


©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers


2 thoughts on “Not the one, but THAT one…

  1. KasharaBlue

    This was a perfect translation of my feelings… I mean 🙂 they were your feelings but damn they sound so familiar. And your way with words is outstanding… more over – touching, rich and smart. This was beautiful.
    Have a great day 🙂



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