You know now…

If you do not know the problem or that there is a problem you will never be able or accessible to finding how to solve whatever the problem is. And most oftentimes the problem is something that can be fixed by being addressed but it instead goes unchecked and so it festers and thus it grows. It gets out of hand and uncontrollable and becomes the invisible impediment to whatever your intentions were or are. The problem just sits there, nestled safely in between you and your dream, you and your freedom, or you and your passion. The problem gets comfortable or so used to being where it is that it becomes familiar and recognized as just what or how you are. You then become comfortable with it, comfortable enough to exist in spite of it and with it, comfortable enough to accept the conditions that the problem produces or holds you accountable to. You might not do this intentionally, but you do it faithfully, and so it looks intentional from the outside. People will soon recognize you and your problem as one, as a team, as a known entity that is purposed and understanding of who or what it is that you have become. So blindly you will navigate forward, all the while oblivious to the truth that there is something really wrong and that this thing is tearing up and destroying your chances at being whole and incorporated into family or society or any place as you so desire to be. That problem will eat away at you from the inside out until it voids you of consciousness and awareness of its existence. Then you will blame everything and everyone else for all that is not right in the world, as you live in a world that you create and justify. You make up your own rules that are shaky and selfish at best, and at their worst, completely unfair and inconsistent. But it’s “who you are” and you haven’t the slightest idea of how to change or correct whatever it is. So you attempt to parlay your way of thinking or feeling onto others in a seemingly reasonable attempt to be recognized and united. You just want company, someone and something to be identified in, a place. You might not have any idea that you are miserable or depressed or wrong. You may not understand that your energy seeks out familiar energy and because of this you attract people and situations with hidden problems, unresolved issues, and other silent pains. You just keep living. You just keep on living the way you do because it is what you know.

It is like being handed the keys to a brand new car. A car that is on display at the mall. You filled out a form or by some luck of the draw, it’s yours. They call your name and there’s a parade and ceremony and all that. It’s yours! You’ve been told that it has a tank full of gas, all of the paperwork is approved and in proper status. The tires and all parts that you can see are in perfect condition. It might even be your dream car. Or it could be a car that gets you to your dream car but otherwise it is in perfect condition.

You put the key in the ignition and turn it and… Nothing. You keep trying it and… Nothing. And everyone is watching you. You try it again, and… Nothing.

So now you’re embarrassed. You’re confused. You’re mad. You start justifying the reasons that someone would play such a cruel joke on you. You assert that you deserve such unfortunate luck because of what you didn’t do or how you didn’t act or where you didn’t go with your life. You sit there making excuses and explanations. The whole time you’re sitting in the car, with the windows up and now you’re sweating. You don’t want to look up because you just know that everyone is laughing at you. You just know they are staring at you. Their pointing fingers, you figure that they are all in on this hoax, this conspiracy. In your mind you have conjured all of these thoughts and fit them perfectly into a justification for why you are about to abandon this charade. You are trying to remember the quickest way out. You still haven’t looked up. Now you’re thinking that you’ll wait them all out. They’ll get tired, of laughing at your pain, and eventually go home or leave to live their amazing and fortunately perfect lives. Meanwhile you just keep sitting there.

You want to cry, you want to yell, you want to fight. But instead you just crack a hint of a smile. Can’t let them see that your feelings are hurt. You don’t want them to know that they’ve hurt you again. So you compose yourself and begin to pretend that you’re in on the joke. You haven’t raised your eyes yet but you’ve laid your head back and from the outside in, you look calm. You look normal. You don’t look the mad that anyone else would be in this situation. No, you look so comfortable and at peace with this. You look like an impenetrable force of some sort that is impervious to pain and hurt. You look like a champion. You look like you’re envisioning a place that is filled with treasures and riches and peace. You look amazing. You’re not sweating anymore. You’re fine. That’s what you tell yourself, you’re fine. It’s whatever. You decide to get out of the car, it’s not yours anyway. You start to imagine that some prank camera crew will roll up and ambush you once you step out. But you’re prepared, they won’t see you cry or yell. Nope, you’re not going to show them how mad you are. And you still haven’t opened your eyes but you remove your left hand from the steering wheel and begin to feel for the door handle…

Then a knock on the window.

You open the door and the gentleman asks you to allow him access to the hood latch so that he may reconnect your battery. He explains that they disconnected it so that no one could get in the car and drain its power or steal it while it sat in such a public place until it was won.

Imagine the look on your face.

Your life is like that car. And there is a problem. It is a little problem but albeit a problem nonetheless. And you don’t know what it is or that it is what it is. And you’ve already made adjustments to just keep going. Because of the fear of embarrassment or because of pride or because of un-knowingness, you’ve accepted that “it is what it is”. And you’ve walked away from the car, from your winnings, from your destiny, all because you didn’t communicate or know to communicate whatever the issues were or are.

And you probably never looked up. You just figured that people were laughing or pointing. You didn’t hear them because the windows of your life are rolled up. They were rolled up to protect your destiny. But you have to open the door at least a little to hear what someone is trying to tell you. That takes trust. Your feelings of anxiety and angst were not abnormal, they were natural and necessary but you felt a need to correct them. You did that to protect yourself. You adjusted to fit your own perception of what you think or thought people would be thinking or saying. And so you became “fine” with the uneasiness and soon you communicated that sentiment. That is unhealthy, and you don’t know any better, so you continue to feed on those feelings. And it was just a small issue to begin with that could be resolved. In fact, with the proper information you could have fixed it. But you don’t have to, there are people willing to do that for you. There are people assigned and appointed to do that. But so many times we never open the door and they can’t do their job and so they get frustrated or angry and they walk away. Now the little issue doesn’t get solved because it becomes a problem, and after time it becomes a huge problem! And you’re in that little space hiding in plain sight from those people that you never looked up to see aren’t pointing or laughing at you. They started out happy for you and some of them were trying to yell out instructions on what you should do. But you couldn’t hear them. And they got confused. They misinterpret your intentions just as much as you dismiss theirs. And what could be a miracle becomes a mess.

You needed that car. And the support. And those people. You needed the feeling that comes with being acknowledged. You needed that win. You needed desperately to feel appreciated and blessed. You longed for the feeling of having a need supplied and a wish or prayer answered and granted. You needed to feel that love and excitement for you. You needed that to happen to restore your hope and faith in people or in the universe or in God. You needed that to happen to allow you to break down your walls that have prevented you from trusting. You really needed that to happen.

And it probably would have happened if you let it!

So many times- because we do not recognize that there is a problem- we forfeit and forego our chances at growth and promotion because we are inept at challenging ourselves to compete in the race that life is. We get mired and measured in “stuff” that of course happens to us all but somehow inevitably seems to distract and delay the greater majority of us from expecting or excelling beyond our own self-imposed environments. So either we abandon the process or we just avoid it all together. And we continue to exist in the mediocrity or misunderstandings of our pasts.

It is time to open up. What you have done to this point was necessary to get you to this point. But you have to get the point! And you have to get the problem. So that the next time you get the keys, YOU CAN GO!

The truth is that those people around you, even the one who knocks at the window to come help you out, have been in your shoes before. They are human, and problems aren’t a “you” thing, they are a human thing! We all have some problem or another. The difference within us is that some of us are able to face our “stuff”, our problems with a boldness and curiosity that allows for resolution and communication, such that is needed to break through and out of the difficulty and distress and into deliverance and determination.

So get your battery plugged in. You might even need a jump. Get one. And go get in your destiny! Because it’s your ride, and you deserve it. And you might be the only thing stopping you from it.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

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