I couldn’t afford her…
only bought her closer to him
what I wanted for us
was closer to them
a fat chance
was closer to slim
it was never a fair fight
I wasn’t supposed to contend,
but I did
left and right
marks that I left at night
I left a mark,
that will be left for life
no reason to be dark,
she left for light
left for love is left alike,
I don’t feel left,
she left me right,

settled

pointed in a good direction
manual shifting is work,
versus automatic transmission
I had to leave her sick enough
in order for him to come get her
I’d always known his presence,
knew the him that come with her
knew the deeds that had been done
knew the dude that outdid her
knew the lie she tried to tell herself
knew the tricks to outwit her
so I knew that out with her
I had to be dude that was not with her
had to leave room for him
knew that my room would not fit her
wasn’t a matter of tools,
or which dude would best fit her
what happened had nothing to do with it
it was due that I get hurt
rules don’t apply to you
is what a fool says to prevent worse
this ain’t just the truth
it is approved,
a proof that approval is how you get work

and still I could end up being labeled
like I shouldn’t feel a kind of way
or I wouldn’t be able
to call it like I see it
been there, been through it, been burnt too much
been rejected, been disrespected, been hurt too much
been used, been abused, been made to bare
but baby girl you’ve been building up resistance,
you might as well be there

remember me for what ifs
remind him with my aura
next time he puts you through it,
remind him that I was boring
only willing to move as you ordered
but I get it,
no need to sort it,
or explain
you did this for self,
not esteem
I can dig it,
not a seed
bloomed already
the problem with us
was that I assumed already
and we happened way too soon,
so a future loomed all heavy
should have stayed in the cocoon
neither me, or you
were all ready
wings weren’t fully developed
so those pretty things
were just all heavy,
and the potential weighed us down
tried to play dress up,
the costumes made us clowns

a good performance
but a circus nonetheless
a whole audience entertained,
didn’t pay off,
but I can say I did invest
and I would like to suggest…

… She is still breathing
yup, and she is still leaving
who says, “I told you so”?
just remember that I told her, “Go”
changed my mind when I told her “No”
and held on,
after I was told to throw
because anyone can play catch
someone deserves to know
that watching someone else’s process
is how you learn to grow
and a lesson like this
is how you learn it, so…

I’m willing to believe now
because of us, I can believe how
so it was what it was,
nothing to leave out
if you’re going to try it once
it’s better to leave now
no telling for the future
she’s going to breathe out
not holding it in anymore
and I played a part in that,
easy to SEE how…

… Broken hearts build better men
and LOVE is better, than,
then

and when you’re ready for it,
walls don’t fall because you’re headed for them
you have to crash
and once you know what it feels like to hurt,
you won’t have to bask
if you don’t go for a present
you won’t have a past
your reason to concede it
is enough to get you pass
you won’t be the first,
you won’t be the last,
no question needed
you don’t even have to ask.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet