It would be devastating to find out that people thought about YOU all along what it was that YOU thought about YOU all along.
Even though they didn’t say it. Even when they didn’t show it. They didn’t support it. They didn’t refer YOU or recommend YOU for it. It seems like they didn’t even recognize it in YOU or what was or is special about YOU. The fact of the matter is that they put up more resistance than anything. They ignored YOU, they avoided YOU, they caused YOU great pain, stress, and doubt. They pushed YOU away. They pushed YOU back. They talked about YOU for all the wrong reasons. They mentioned everything that YOU did wrong. They pointed out all of YOUR issues. They spread all the “bad” stuff about YOU, the “bad” that YOU have done, around. They told the stories of YOUR faults, of YOUR mistakes, of YOUR regrets. They made YOU out to be a monster.
And it doesn’t really matter who else believed them, the truth is that YOU started to. YOU STARTED LISTENING TO THE VOICES. YOU started hearing what they were saying and YOU started doubting YOURSELF. YOU started wondering if YOU were a monster. YOU started questioning YOUR mind, YOUR own heart, YOUR feelings. YOU started questioning YOUR own faith. YOU stopped feeling so sure about YOURSELF. YOU stopped believing and having so much faith in whatever “it” is, in YOU. YOU stopped having the dreams and the imaginations and the ideas. YOU started to lose it. YOU started to change YOUR mind. YOU started to do something else.
And then YOU find YOURSELF more alone than ever. And YOUR heart hurts. YOUR feelings are hurt. Time has passed, so much time has passed. YOU have gone further and farther away from YOUR dreams. YOU have drifted a long way from who it was YOU once were supposed to be. From who YOU just knew YOU could/should/would be. From where YOU wanted to go. Because YOU had to survive and “survival” forced YOU into settling for something else. YOU might have even gotten “good” at that something else. YOU got the attention, or at least some attention, for that something else. All YOU ever wanted was peace and to feel special and well, this something else kind of gives YOU that. Or it gives YOU just enough of it to not go crazy. And YOU can hide behind it.
Until YOU end up where YOU thought YOU never wanted to be anyway. YOUR biggest fear was failure. YOUR biggest fear was not making it. YOUR biggest fear was not trying. YOUR biggest fear was not going, not following YOUR dream. YOU had a feeling, YOU heard a voice, YOU saw a vision of it. YOUR biggest fear was to not obey that feeling, to not listen to that voice, or to not believe and pursue that vision. And YOU get to a point where YOU realize that YOU have done exactly that. YOU are exactly where YOU “never” wanted to be. YOU have become who YOU never wanted to be.
And then YOU run into someone who used to be one of the people that gave YOU the most resistance. That had the most doubt about YOU. That “hated” on everything YOU tried. The person that talked YOU out of every dream, spoke “YOU won’t” into every “I will” that YOU had, and gave YOU every reason why YOU shouldn’t/couldn’t/wouldn’t. The person who YOU heard was spreading all of YOUR business around, telling everybody about all that YOU did wrong. A person that YOU shared every detail and description of YOUR hopes and dreams with, even while they seemed to doubt and give YOU distractions, and try to get YOU to detour. They tried to derail YOUR journey, they only put distance in between YOU and YOUR goal. And then YOU run into them today and they ask,
“What happened to YOU? YOU had all the talent and the gift and the skill and the potential. I just knew YOU were going to make it. I just knew YOU were going to be successful. What happened to all the stuff YOU were going to do? What happened to YOUR dream? YOU were such an inspiration. I learned so much from YOU! I just knew that YOU were going to do exactly what YOU said YOU were going to do! What happened?”
©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers