Tag Archives: You

Today’s -see 2/21/2023

The only place I’d ever been afraid of was “rock bottom”. Because I knew that in that place I’d have to deal with me. I’d have to face me. I’d have to confront and comfort, me. I’d have to be honest with me.

I was afraid to do that because I know the hurt that I have. I know the secrets. I know the pain. I know the problems. I know the anger. I know the frustration. I know the questions.

I know the guilt.

So I spent years upon years trying to avoid me. Trying to not feel. Trying to not acknowledge the me that desperately needed my attention.

Instead I’ve attempted to focus on everything and everyone else.

But the purpose and the plan and the potential of my life REQUIRES me to be whole. Not perfect, but whole. I can’t be just an expression. I have to be an example. I have to speak my truth because that’s the power that God gave me. I’m able to endure. And then explain. I have no problem telling my story. I have no issue speaking my mind. I’m okay with me. And that is the example someone else needs to see. That it’s okay to say you’re hurting. It’s okay to speak your truth. It’s okay to be human.

That is what I’ve realized in my experience, that we are all human. We all have experiences. We all go through. We’re all going through.

A few years back I let go. Released the grip I had on trying to keep it all together. I didn’t make an announcement, I just stopped. I stopped trying to avoid the head-on collision that would be me dealing with me. And in this time, God allowed for me to get some clarity and even a sense of closure that I’d long been searching for. It has been tough! It has taken so much out of me.

But I hit that rock bottom. I hit my rock bottom. There, I did exactly what I’d always knew I’d do: I ran into me. Without any energy to fight. No strength to run away. No desire to turn around or not allow it to happen.

I discovered the me that I’d left long ago: The inner child. The 6-8 year old that was introduced to sex via molestation. The 8-14 year old that had inappropriate sexual relations and learned about domestic dysfunction and abuse. The 11-14 year old going through puberty without a man available to teach or tell him what was going on. The complicated relationship with a biological father that had issues of his own and was not equipped to assist in any way. The 15 year old that dealt with bullying and low self-esteem. The 15 year old that found his mothers murdered body inside of their home. The 15 year old that was forced to make decisions because the “adults” in the room decided it best to pressure the 15 year old to go against the wishes of his mom in order to appease the faith and the family. The 15 year old that experienced abandonment and isolation from an entire community leaving he and his siblings after their mothers murder. The 16 year old that tried to maintain a sense of strength and consistency for he and his siblings.

There is so much more in those first years that I did not mention but some of these are the issues I had to heal from at rock bottom. The healing process has been ugly. It’s been painful.

But I refused to abandon it. I refused to let the little boy me down again. Even if the world does, I won’t, ever again.

So I had to acknowledge these things. And much more about myself. Things done to me and things I’ve done. I had to accept all of it as my truth, my story, my identity. First that little boy that experienced tremendous hurt and harm. Then the boy that became the hurt and harm to himself and to others. I had to take accountability for my involuntary, my inadvertent, and my intentional actions. Because they are all me.

And I’m still “facing the music”. I still have issues and individuals to heal with. I’m actually excited about that.

Because at “rock bottom” I discovered that I was important enough to get up. I’m important enough to move on. I’m important enough to keep going.

I’m worth it.

I’ve been able to look at the “whole” me and find value. Every word of my story was necessary to tell the WHOLE story. As I’ve told myself, “… YOUR story is more important when YOU tell it.”

I am important.

I matter.

I mean something.

I’m okay.

I deserve healing.

I am entitled to better.

I will win.

I appreciate me.

I believe in myself.

I believe myself.

I like myself.

I love me.

-see

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Today’s -see 2/20/2023

I don’t argue about God. I might go back and forth with God (in my mind, in my spirit, in my self-talk) because oftentimes I’m not clear on what I’m doing and sometimes feel like God “allows” me to spin my wheels without going anywhere, unnecessarily. But it’s always turned out good and to my benefit from the perspective that I have consistently and constantly found myself to be guided by the presence of God in my life. I’m okay with that. This is my life.

I’m not getting into God-arguments though. Not anymore. God doesn’t need me to defend God. God doesn’t need me to justify, prove, persuade, convince, or argue that or why I believe God to be. God doesn’t need me as a spokesperson for God. This is God I’m speaking of! God- responsible for the creation and maintenance of existence- does not need me to validate that God is. And I won’t spend another second doing that. Not when I know what God is for me. With or without religion, in or out of a church, up or down in my feelings, God is. That’s where I’m at with it.

I’m not confused about it either. I’m not trying to figure out what and which text is the best one or one I should most-loosely adhere to. I’m not confused by which part or paragraph is to be taken verbatim versus which should be analyzed and ascribed to analogy or anecdote. I don’t believe I’m supposed to figure that out. I’m not going to try to.

I believe that I am here to be here. To be present and aware in the NOW of however long of a moment that I have in this realm. I know that I am here. I believe that while I am here it is my responsibility to connect and exhibit compassion, to show consideration, to acknowledge consistency, to conclude that grace and understanding are the best means and measures by which to accept and address humanity. I’m not here to be perfect. I’m here to participate. To experience pain and passion just the same. With eagerness to learn from the opportunity to exist.

I’m not here to be God.

I believe that I am very much so a particle of God. I believe that all the things that I consider good, God created. I believe that all the things that I consider not so good, God created. Because I believe that God is THE creator. Of ALL.

I know that there are a great number of things that I don’t know.

I know that I can suppose and assume and suggest and surmise a great deal about what I think God desires or demands. I know that I can get as lost as I choose to in the vortex of theological rhetoric in an effort to study for the sake of showing “thyself approved”. But, for what?

I’d much rather, not.

I am by no means “perfect”. I am by all means “participating”. My intention and my institution is to be good. I do far more good than I do the contrary. I help far more than I hurt. I give way more than I take. I love far deeper than I loathe. I consider quicker than I criticize. And as it relates to healing- which has been my personal albatross for a great period of time in life- I have finally arrived at this philosophy: It is imperative that I forget more than I remember.

I trust that God has all the stuff that I spent so many years trying to figure out, figured out. I believed- for most of those years- that to be my job, call, purpose, mission: to know what God intends. And I spent so much energy and time and all I possessed in an effort to get that clarity, that closure, that comfort.

And when I didn’t, I felt- especially because I listened to everyone else but me- guilty and ashamed by the disappointment of not getting the understanding or specific clarity that satisfied my questions. That made life extremely difficult. Feeling like I was a failure because I was confused. Because I didn’t get absolute and defined understanding.

Meanwhile, God and I have this relationship that has allowed me to see another side of things. But I felt guilty about it. Because that relationship didn’t fit me into the spaces of what I was told my purpose to be. The relationship that I have with God doesn’t have me in church or “ministry” like I was always told I should be. The relationship that I have with God doesn’t have me pressured to live restricted and removed like the guilt and shame of being a “sinner” had me feeling I should be. The relationship that I have with God doesn’t suffer me the frustration and fear that I once encapsulated while attempting to register how I feel about so many things. I have a relationship with God. No one else gets to or has to answer for me. I am confident that I can stand by my choices and decisions regarding the relationship that I have with God. I have no doubts there.

I’m not arguing about God.

I’ll argue about humans though. I will definitely argue about human behavior and human words and human feelings. There are some human problems and issues that exist that I believe I can help with. I believe we all can help one another. But what I’ve seen and experienced, far too often, is that religion and the establishments of religion- propagating under the guise of God’s word- perpetually prevent the people from problem solving. Because of power and control. Because of guilt and shame. Because of greed and jealousy. Because of envy and hatred. Because of system and tradition and race and money.

Because “that’s the way it’s been”.

We can’t afford to keep doing things the way they’ve been done. We have to change. We need to change.

I haven’t been a more productive part of that change because I was afraid to tell y’all that I don’t agree with y’all about God. (That’s a blanket statement). More specifically, I didn’t want to face the disappointment and disdain that I’ve seen and experienced when one doesn’t subscribe to the fold. I’ve lost relationships, friendships, and acquaintanceships because I don’t believe what some of my people feel that I should believe. I’ve experienced the alienation and abandonment that comes with not cooperating with a certain community. I’ve observed this in my own village most of my life.

No matter how “good” of a person I could have been. When I started voicing my concerns and questions I was seen as anything but good. It was like I’d done or said something absolutely monstrous. I was treated as such. That triggered a trauma response and so I shut down more of myself in order to stay in some fashion of committee with people.

—-

Story time:

I call most soul food dinners “plantation plates”. I call it that because most of the traditional soul food that I am accustomed to and know about is writhed with a history that developed around a specific time period. When I hear stories of the Black Sunday dinner I almost always envision scenes from a time period that I don’t want to recall. But I know the history. I know that “soul food”, or the idea of, comes from the southern plantation dinner practices where enslaved black people were given limited rations of food from the white slave masters and they made due. They were given the scraps and scrapings but they prepared masterpieces! Some of our staple dishes come off of those menus: barbecued ribs, catfish, chitterlings, cornbread, and more.

Over time, even as we got free from that version of slavery, we’ve held onto that menu. Truth being told, 3 of my favorite foods are soul foods: Macaroni, Dressing, and Candied Yams. I’d eat them everyday without any problem. I like them just that much.

But I know they are not healthy choices. Macaroni is filled with butter and cheese, sodium, and fat. Dressing is high in calories, fat, sodium, and refined carbohydrates. Candied yams have entirely too much sugar. Yet I love them.

As a culture we love the plantation plate. Most of our homes serve these very dishes at least one day of the week. And every holiday consists of a spread that showcases the full farm of this traditional treachery.

Even as we suffer from diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, glaucoma, gout, cancer, stroke, heart attacks, death and more, disproportionately to other groups.

I often joke with “chitlin” eaters, “… You don’t have to eat that. We are free!” but to no remedy. They don’t want to hear that. They don’t care. They want what they want. Even if dit is ACTUALLY killing them.

But I know why. I believe that black folks know how unhealthy most of what we consume (as it relates to traditional soul food) is. That’s not why they eat it, or why it’s difficult to give up.

It’s hard to give up because these dishes and recipes were prepared for us by someone we love. Momma macaroni. Granny dressing. Aunty potato salad. Uncle ribs. Daddy pork chops. Great-Granny banana pudding. Big Momma neck bones and rice. And so on.

Giving up these dishes that are imprinted on our lives would mean disappointing and dismissing these people. Because Granny ain’t letting you leave her house without eating. Nor is Momma. Good luck walking out of most of our family’s homes and not breaking bread. Because these dishes mean something to us. To the individual that prepared them. To the history that passed them down. To the legacy that is shared through them.

These meals mean more to us than sustenance. They represent fellowship and community. They represent love and care. They represent concern and togetherness. They represent talent and time. They represent support and structure. They represent consistency and comfort. They represent some idea of success and celebration.

And that’s why it’s hard to give them up. Because of what they represent. What they mean to everyone. The who we attach them to. The where we attach them to. The when we attach them to. There are soul food dishes that mark specific occasion. These meals literally mean something.

We’re connected to them. We are not trying to let them go.

—-

It’s the same with religion. The God that most of us serve was introduced to us with those meals and by those very important people. And just like those meals, we’ve passed down the sentimental attachment our traditions have served us.

And we’re attached.

Any attempt to disengage us from the hold that religion has on us is deemed an attack.

Even if/when we know that the intention is not to attack, we interpret it as such.

Because telling any of us that the God or the Jesus that we’ve known for so long is not who or what we have believed does not sound like that.

It sounds like you’re telling us that Grandma lied to us. Or momma lied to us. Or the church lies to us. And we care about those people. They love us. They wouldn’t lie to us.

Grandma’s midnight prayers to Jesus- we are told- saved our lives. Momma’s faith- in the God she knew- has kept us all this way. Our family has been in that church- the one preaching this very God- for 50 years. You’re not going to tell us that we’ve been doing any of this wrong. You’re not going to tell us that we’ve spent all this time and energy and thought into something that is not what we believed and had faith in it to be. You’re not going to tell us that we’ve come all this way to find out that this was the wrong way.

Nope.

And because of the sentimental and generationally traditional habits of doing things the way we know, letting go is not going to be easy. For many it’s not even going to be possible.

It’s going to be more than an argument.

Faith too strong.

Spirit too stubborn.

Mind too made up.

I absolutely understand that.

Even if I can’t explain it as clearly as I might want to. Even if I don’t agree with it. I do understand it.

But I’m not finna argue ‘bout God.

No mo.

Because we need to be DOING the “Lord’s” work.

With that, well, I WILL NOT be arguing about God. Never again.

Because…

While I’m arguing about God, some work is not getting done. And there is too much work to do. Work that I believe is in OUR hands to take care of. Because God- who controls the entire fvcking universe- has the power to change our “circumstances” at the thought of changing it if that was what God wanted to do! If God had other intentions it would not take time to be. This is God we are talking about!

Breathe, See. Breathe.

I’m not arguing about God anymore. It’s not a win. Ever. It’s a distraction. It’s a detour. It’s a business. It works too freaking well with the scheme to keep us fighting and fussing about something that we have no reason to fight and fuss about.

Because while we’re going at it about God, the world that God created is suffering. And after all this time I’m going to say that maybe “waiting on God” is not the answer to each and every problem.

Maybe

This

Is

On

Us.

The “US” that God wants to work TOGETHER to figure all of this out.

Instead of debating, dissing, demonizing, distracting, deflecting, or even deciding.

Too many are spending an entire lifetime DECIDING.

Because they’ve made up their mind what God’s people look or sound or act like.

And honesty, God can’t use you like that.

And I’m not going to argue about it.

-see

#CAWBU PODCAST COMING SOON

Today’s -see 2/17/2023

What are YOU worth?

What is worth it FOR YOU?

What is IT worth TO YOU?

Ask yourself these questions.

Answer these questions.

Then consider this:

“They” might not be sure what to pay YOU because you’re not sure what to charge THEM.

You have a value. You have a price.

And YOU get to determine that number.

Your experience, your energy, your example, and your expertise may justify that number. But your number doesn’t have to consider any of those factors if what you say you are worth is what you decide you are worth! What you want in return and exchange for your time, talent, attention, advice, support, presence, name, skill, product, service, tutelage, opinion, commentary and whatever else is UP TO YOU! YOU are YOUR determining factor. You are who decide how and when and where everyone gets to deal with you.

You have to believe that about yourself. You have to want that for yourself.

Because, if they want YOU, they’re going to pay YOUR price! Whatever your price is. If they can’t pay it now, they’ll save up to get it. Because it’s YOU!

If they want YOU, they’ll pay for YOU!

Especially when you’re the absolute best at being YOU. Because no one else can do or BE that. Only YOU!

And whatever YOU decide that is worth…

You can charge!

And the more than likely result:

YOU WILL GET IT!

And you won’t have to discount yourself or bargain your worth or coupon your character or ration your value or sell yourself short to win.

There is a market FOR YOU!!! A thriving market. An untapped, UNCAPPED market.

With an audience and supporters and CUSTOMERS with connections and contacts and RESOURCES…

Just FOR YOU!

Time to get it.

-see

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IT and YOU.

If YOU want “it”, YOU have to go for it. YOU have to do the work for it. YOU have to connect with whatever people, places, or things, have something to do with it. YOU have to study it, learn about it, and submit YOURSELF to it. YOU have to practice it. YOU have to invest in it. YOU have to believe in it.

YOU have to believe it.

YOU are going to have to see YOURSELF with it, part of it, doing it, having it, in it, as “it”.

Most importantly, YOU are going to have to be prepared to deal with everything that comes with it. With having it. With knowing it. With being it.

Because it, the “it” that YOU swear YOU want, does not come easy.

That’s what makes it special. That’s what makes it worth it. That’s how YOU will know that “it” is for YOU.

-see

©️2022 Cornelious “See” Flowers

@seethepoet

Thought for the Moment [#6]

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It is so easy to SAY how hard you had it.

What IS hard is making the conscious choice and performing the deliberate practice of doing the NECESSARY things to alter/change/shift YOUR circumstances or situation towards what YOU need them to be.

What is sometimes even more difficult is the process and having to endure the time it takes to accomplish what you have set out to do. Especially in the face of other adversity and against the grain and guide of expectations or assumptions that are formed based on what people/society/history states is the “way” you should or should have done something.

Listen here…

Find out what works for you, that you can sustain, and do it. Repeat it. Practice it. Master it. Continue doing it for as long as need be to produce the results that align with what is YOUR desired or designed outcome. Try things, new things, different things, random things, until you find the thing or things that do work. Use your experiences as EXPERIENCE! Count no mistake or mishap as death, instead LIVE towards the expectation and in the freedom of this knowledge:

Every lesson is a lesson. It may not take you where you wanted to go, but it can, if you allow it to, give you a better idea and position relative to your desired place, EVERY LESSON! That means every friendship, every relationship, every place, every job, every road, every bad thing, every “wrong” thing, every mistake, every avenue, every tool, every question, every regret, every hardship, and EVERY hurt. As well as EVERY good thing. It is all capable of being fused and forged into YOUR FORWARD PROGRESS!

You must gain a matter of perspective that is a perspective that MATTERS, to YOU! You have to attain and achieve discipline and discernment, and diligence. You MUST make a priority of what are YOUR PRIORITIES! And go after them. You must multi-task and multi-FINISH! You have to follow-up and follow-through! You have to MAKE IT WORK!

And where need be, YOU will require and YOU MUST accept, help! You are going to be able to benefit from the experience, expertise, and example of others! Those who are QUALIFIED to lead you. Be sure to recognize or realize when someone is actually QUALIFIED to help you! And ACCEPT that help!

No man, or woman, is self-made! They may be self-inspired or self-motivated or self-driven, but YOU ARE NOT GETTING VERY FAR, in reality, BY YOURSELF. Someone advised, invested, cooperated, listened, petitioned, prayed, considered, or thought about, YOU. And it mattered. Any story with ONE character, was a short one!

And YOUR STORY is waiting. It’s time for YOUR STORY! Your story, especially the part that matters most, gets to BEGIN, RIGHT NOW, with YOU! That’s where it starts. And the “start” is probably- from what life teaches us- the real hard part! That is the part that presents the greatest challenge. The part where you choose to change. The part where you believe in that change and take the attitude and steps necessary to make that change happen. To make that change, REAL.

It is very easy to say what stopped you. But what’s stopping you from doing something about it?

-@seethepoet

*Challenge*

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I’m going to challenge YOU to not only be challenged by a “challenge”.
Be challenged by the need, by the ignorance, be challenged by the belief.
Be challenged by the desire to empower and improve the lives around you, and your own, because they need be improved. Be challenged by the inherent hunger and thirst to be satisfied by the fullness of love and care and just. Be challenged by the hope of things to come, that are more aligned and affixed to the bounties of YOUR heart. Be challenged by YOUR reflection, by reflex, an automatic assertion towards a forward progress, exampling and exemplifying a habit and protocol of whatever it is that YOU are so “challenged” to be or do.
Do not only be “challenged” to charity, or care, or benevolence, or compassion, or mercy.
Not just for a cause, but because, BE-CAUSE!

I challenge YOU to not need a “challenge” to do better, or more, or right, but to do these things because YOU must. Because without doing these things YOU in effect challenge our progress beyond necessary. YOU challenge the orders and systems of good and compassion, with the selfishnesses of greed and ugly. YOU challenge evil for mere moments, to satisfy YOUR ego and YOUR pride, for sake of appearance, or popularity.

I challenge YOU to compel the most inner of YOUR spirit to free from the sanctum of idleness and independence out into the labor of work and necessary that MUST BE DONE in order to service a most greater need and much bigger picture.
I challenge YOU to secretly and quietly GO BODLY into the bowels of generosity and kindness and pull from there YOUR motive. I challenge YOU to be small, if so as to be sure. Let YOUR giving be cents if it can be consistent. Because strayed, stranded, and spread out BIG dollars, mean absolutely the least if not to be counted upon, or depended upon, or brought to pass.
I challenge YOU to volunteer, consistently. To promote life and peace, consistently. To speak these things, consistently.

Because YOUR greatest challenge is to be consistent. To be a flagship. To be the unnerved lighthouse along the most rigid of coast. Illuminated for even the most insignificant of ships. To be an example to the least of YOUR expect. To awake every morning and retire every night, challenged, to keep doing all and everything that YOU must to make things better. For all, for YOU.

Because in the getting of, or being given, life, there is no greater challenge on YOU than to GIVE;
And YOU shouldn’t have to be challenged to do that.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

Not next, NOW…

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In my lifetime, so many of those whom were, “The Greatest of All Time” at whatever or whomever they were, have died.
The list is too vast to even begin to press here, but in that vain, and has been said by so many others… what this indicates, impressed, and implies, is that, It is our time, IT IS OUR TURN!

Be YOUR Greatest.

-see