How to “pass” the past. In 12 steps.
Step 12: Now.
The all YOU have. The all YOU know; Everything matters, NOW.
Life, no matter how big or small, rich or poor, good or bad, up or down, is a matter of perspective. Because people all have varying ideas and ideals about what a successful life is. People have different views on what makes a complete and whole existence outside of the notions and nuances that lead to the nirvana of peace that people individually seek after. Life, the pursuit of happiness, the guarantee of being able to pursue that goal, the ensuring satisfaction of that goal being realized, and the success that ensues, are all pleasing and well affirmed characteristics of a life so enjoyed. The accomplishment of survival all the while excelling at a particular purpose and having been able to maintain a level of function and existence that meets or exceeds the expectations of a person is how we justify or celebrate a life lived well or to our pleasing. A life filled or remembered for moments and events and times, a life that is a story created and told well, shared, and honored by the legacy or lessons left behind, is how we measure and memorialize the grandeur of what the “good” life is. The “good life” is composed of success and happiness, safety, security, and significance, peace, assurance, and liberty, freedom, abundance, and joy, all to the S.A.T.I.S.F.A.C.T.I.O.N of YOU! And no step more important than the step of NOW guarantees that.
“If you never find place here you will always seek place there.”
One of the biggest mistakes that I ever made was to spend a great majority of my life completely uncomfortable with who I was, where I was, what I was, how things had happened, and when. I lived my entire existence in the past. Angry about the past. Depressed. Hurt. Desperate. In denial. Frustrated. Bitter. I gave up on who I thought I once was able to become for a very long time because I allowed what the horrible facts about my past had said about me. I thought I deserved the pain. Maybe I was supposed to suffer. Maybe it was all my fault. Guilt and shame had become my drugs of choice and I was an addict, without treatment, and no desire to seek help. And I did not do any of the things that I’ve written about here until recently. I was very uncomfortable and devastated by what my “here” was and so I ran to find a “there” that gave me the things that I thought I needed to survive. So I left every “here” that was in my life in search of a “there” that could give me a better one. But my “here” followed me. My “here” was a perpetual, never ending, drawn out saga, that held me hostage and captive to what my past had been. The lack of closure and resolution had kept open wounds and issues that should have been healed or addressed over time but instead were just exposed and kept violently present in the secrecy and silence of their aftermath. “Hurt people hurt people” is a very true statement. I proved it repeatedly in my life. I destroyed friendships and relationships. I tore apart the trust and belief that people had for and in me, over time, as I fought back any insistence that I was in need of “help” or attention, able to address my multitude of issues. And instead I had run and hid, lied and manipulated, shut down and shut out the possibility of moving on. Instead I ran to “there”, only to associate myself with people and places that were much like the “here” that I had long realized was the reason for my demise. Yet I sought it out. I chased after it. I embodied that very thing for a very long time.
What YOU had is what YOU had. What YOU will get is what YOU will get. Neither of them matter much at this very moment though. Because what this moment is, is what YOU have. What YOU have is now!
The first step in this process of how to “pass” YOUR past was to take a step. YOU have to choose and then make a deliberate action towards moving out, on, up, and forward, beyond YOUR past. YOU have to make a choice that YOU have no choice but to change and then do so. All of the steps as I told YOU are not linear but are key in the process of being able to accomplish the set goal of moving into the present, success, or life that YOU have long been waiting or wanting for. The final step is much like the first step but with a time, with a specific time, with an immediate time, this very moment! Because “Now” is always able to change everything. The difference is now. YOU cannot make what happened different. But YOU can make everything different from now.
Right now is when YOU get to want something different, say something different, and do something different. Right now is where YOU get to realize that YOU control YOUR present. YOU get to control YOUR attitude, which is the thermostat for setting the temperature that determines the atmosphere YOU exude or operate in going forward. YOU hold the key that unlocks the doors or locks that contain the treasures or opportunities YOU need to acquire YOUR next level.
The most important step in this process is this one. Because this step is a sure proof that YOU are serious about doing whatever it takes to get from under the weight of feeling inadequate or like a victim, or shamed, or riddled with guilt beyond any measure of ability to overcome. In this step YOU get to decide that forgiveness is possible and YOU get to forgive YOURSELF. YOU get to choose to acknowledge that YOU played a significant role in whatever YOUR past was but that at this time YOU are ready to make the necessary adjustments and steps to overcome and win the challenge of succeeding. Whether that success is against the odds or in spite of them.
In this moment, now, YOU get to try and experience and feel and be. Now is where YOU discover that action says it all so YOUR actions in this now will begin to speak much louder than any past or problem ever could have. Now is what YOU have to be proud of. Now is where YOU decide to end old chapters and begin new ones. Now is where YOU start and begin new habits and routines. Now is where YOU take control and authority. Sure they can say whatever they have always been able to say about YOU or YOUR past but YOU have the power to do something now that completely contradicts that, even if they were once the facts! So yes, YOU get to be different, say different, do different!
The past doesn’t move. “Now” is always moving. And that is how YOU pass the past. With now! YOU get to redefine or rediscover or redistribute the information that YOU so choose if YOU so choose! And YOU get to do that NOW!
Whatever it takes for YOU to realize and acquire SAFETY, SECURITY, and SIGNIFICANCE to YOUR real and rightful S.A.T.I.S.F.A.C.T.I.O.N, now is the time to get it. To say it. To feel it. To do it! YOUR now step is responsible for YOU believing YOURSELF and believing in YOURSELF that YOU are worth believing and worth being believed in. This step is where YOU take stock of everything that YOU are or are not and YOU negotiate what YOU will pay in order to achieve a value and worth more inclined to producing the success or life that YOU deserve. YOU get to do that now!
YOUR past may have been preventing YOU from going anywhere or doing anything that YOU wanted to for 20 or more years. YOUR past or what it once said about YOU and how YOU did or didn’t handle it could be the sole reason that YOU have lost out or been left out of opportunity or chances that YOU long felt YOU desired or deserved. YOUR past could be the same person that YOU were yesterday before YOU decided that now YOU had done whatever that was or wasn’t for long enough. And YOU decided to step away. Away from the nonsense and negativity. Away from the hurt or the hell. Away from the YOU that YOU had become that was so far away from the YOU that YOU have long known YOURSELF to be. And YOU have finally made up YOUR mind to change it. Finally decided to move on. To go. To do. To be. To pass the past. NOW!
©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers