How to “pass” the past. In 12 steps.
Step 11: Order.
Chaos is hectic;
Consistency is habitual.
One of the most profound attributes of individuals or systems that are able to sustain some type of normalcy or routine that promotes healthy recovery and transition after any devastating or destructive event (past) is consistency. Being able to maintain, as much as possible, an environment or routine that is as close or ideal to one that supports an individuals: safety, security, and significance, is one of the, if not the, best ways to ensure survival, success beyond failure, and comfort in the midst of healing or dealing with adversity. People are naturally prepared to deal with the reality and tragedy of life’s losses, it is the loss of all things -once associated with a particular life- being ripped away, hidden, stolen, or kept silent, or secret, that manipulates and mitigates the mediocrity that forms and transforms the identity and purpose of a person. Any human, but especially children, when torn from the absoluteness and foundation of a system once known and inhabited, to the protection and productivity of that persons well being, will deviate ridiculously from the plan or positivity that once held form or should be innate, to their psyche and practice.
That is why YOU must find order, have order, or allow order, to supplant the void that is the hole that separates YOU from achieving the objective of moving on, moving up, or moving forward.
the arrangement or disposition of people or things in relation to each other according to a particular sequence, pattern, or method.
synonyms: sequence, arrangement, organization, disposition, system, series, succession;
a state in which everything is in its correct or appropriate place.
synonyms: tidiness, neatness, orderliness, organization, method, system;
a state in which the laws and rules regulating the public behavior of members of a community are observed and authority is obeyed.
synonyms: peace, control, law (and order), lawfulness, discipline, calm, (peace and) quiet, peacefulness, peaceableness
the overall state or condition of something.
synonyms: condition, state, repair, shape More
a particular social, political, or economic system.
give an authoritative direction or instruction to do something.
“… a state in which everything is in its correct or appropriate place.
synonyms: tidiness, neatness, orderliness, organization, method, system;…”
That determines it all! If YOU gauge, study or document the success/failure of individuals who endured significant abuse, trauma, tragedy, challenge, or trouble, at any given time and observe the resulting outcomes in the scope of how “ordered” their grieving process, therapy, or subsequent lives were, YOU will ascertain, to a high degree of certainty the majority of the time that the more structured and disciplined correcting or communicating the issue was the likelihood of a “successful” outcome. Families that are torn apart or broken in loss, kids that are alienated or abandoned in systems, individuals who are ostracized by events or experiences, people who make catastrophic mistakes, and anyone who falls victim to the lottery of unjust luck that befalls any of us at some point, all suffer far more of an adverse fate when not afforded coping and healing processes that are structured or familiar to what they may know or need. Far too often a change, of the tragic variety, changes everything and everyone and the support systems that should implant the foundation and/or rehabilitation for those involved lies inert in the face of responsibility or accountability to what is possible. And instead of fostering the environment and reinforcement necessary to allow for thorough and complete closure or resolution, wounds are kept open, unaddressed, and left to hurt indefinitely.
There must be a system put in place for YOU to adjust and acclimate to the changes that YOUR past has subjected upon YOU. There needs to be order, discipline, structure, and support, of a communal effort, so that the opportunity to thrive and triumph is made known and available. Methods and organization will help develop good and healthy habits and routines that create attitudes and energy that promote YOU to functioning beyond the desperation or depression that many a past decide.
Order creates normalcy. Order creates ethic. Order creates character. Order creates esteem and value. The facts are that the past may have played a substantial role in either depriving YOU or distracting YOU from the destiny that YOU have long been “stuck” in. Developing and maintaining effective order in YOUR process and following through with the continuous activity of working through the necessary elements of building confidence and strength gains YOU the ability of focus and confidence that connects YOU back to, or into, the peace YOU ultimately seek.
a state of confusion.
synonyms: untidiness, disorderliness, mess, disarray, chaos, confusion;
the disruption of peaceful and law-abiding behavior.
synonyms: unrest, disturbance, disruption, upheaval, turmoil, mayhem, pandemonium;
a disruption of normal physical or mental functions; a disease or abnormal condition.
plural noun: disorders
synonyms: disease, infection, complaint, condition, affliction, malady, sickness, illness, ailment, infirmity, irregularity
disrupt the systematic functioning or neat arrangement of.
disrupt the healthy or normal functioning of.
synonyms: dysfunctional, disturbed, unsettled, unbalanced, upset
Any of that sound like YOU?
That is what dis-order does. Not having order causes chaos and destruction and actual disorder(s), like dis-ease(s), and severe disfunction. The lack of order causes confusion and peril, heartbreak and heart attack. Where there is no order there is surely frustration and anger, bitterness and depression, especially when dealing or not dealing with the past!
And it is not easy to obtain order when the environment or people that YOU are surrounded by don’t operate nor function orderly or to the benefit of YOUR best interest or well being. Especially when that environment or those people in the environment are catalyst or culprit to whatever the cause of YOUR hurt or pain.
So YOU have to create it. YOU have to maintain it. YOU have to example it!
YOU have to find or seek out a plan and process that works for YOU. YOU have to try some things. YOU have to open YOURSELF up to being healed, being restored, being helped. YOU have to begin! YOU have to be willing to be vulnerable, again, which YOU may identify as what caused YOU such grief in the first place. YOU have to acknowledge the (YOUR) lack of order and address it. YOU may have to remove YOURSELF once YOU have identified it. YOU have to stop it!
YOU can “pass” YOUR past, in order, and YOU will need order to do so!
©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers