Allowance… [POEM]

She almost gave up
before She got to me
he was the reason she gave out
so She’s got to be…
Careful
He benefited because
She cared to
because that is what someone who cares will do,
She cared through
the situation-shit
knew better
but you know a situation-ship
which was all it was
Docked in the same place
stagnant,
in place of relationship

She waited

as if potential would parlay into probably
or something prone to be problem-free
but instead
all She got was parts of being partially
part of what a partner can be,
now She’s cautious,
hesitant about giving her heart to me…

Some things have to be broken apart to be free

but She allowed it
while being responsible for keeping a towel wet
soaking up every ounce of wasted pride, semen,
and brow sweat
because She knew no other way to see men
than to see man as a child, yet
so She had to see him in order to see them
It was a wild bet
She gambled,
doubled down on the odds against him
even happy that She had staked her everything
on the chance that he’d notice
that She was the only fan still in the stands,
when the crowd left
but She can’t smile,
the clown left

Didn’t even care that She cared
He stared right past her
used her as a stepping stool, stone, and statue,
passed her
While She was this fools clone and what have you,
even his pastor,
bastard

And She almost gave up…
had gave him the same stuff, same dose,
it was a different party,
just the same host
She’d traveled different waters
but ended up on the same coast
different bread,
same toast

She required a bare minimum
but put up with way too much subliminals
Deserving something symbiotic,
not even getting synonyms
tried to learn the way he feels
while teaching him the way toward being touched
had to suffer the consequences,
you know the ones that happen
when you allow emotions to wear costumes, playing up
dressing up affection and attention to look like love,
while true intentions are being made up
Trick or Treat type fantasy,
She’s passing out her candy
for him showing up
sporadic visits on random days,
Nothing consistent,
but all the same stuff
I want to see her go a different direction
but She’s sitting still until the light say it’s us…

and She ain’t going
because She almost gave up
got to me kind of different
new set of rules
She say I’ve got to be a specific kind of different,
the kind that listens
Right before taking it to heart
followed by taking specific actions
or She is not taking part
She is not taking starts as substitutes for following you
She wants to be led, so my direction has to be
follow-up
and follow-through
says She will go
but I have to give her the map
for where She is following to
not just plans
specifics put in place of
“All we can do”
say intention is great
but intention mistakes
following fools for following proof

She say,
“Trust me, this ain’t just how my face look
I’m dead-ass serious,
I’m not even following dudes on Facebook,
we can just be friends
Or you can just begin at:
What I’m doing, done,
and what this will do for you
no more suppos-ed ventures
not another concept will do
show me,
no more context clues
and I will allow it
won’t disavow it
won’t discredit
won’t deviate from destiny
but I just won’t let it be all that I count on
we both know what we’re worth
but what is that to count on?
mortgage companies
don’t accept potential as payment
we’ll be on the pavement
and sure I’ll stay with you if we fail
but I don’t want to have to tell our children
that we never built it
and I don’t want to argue
not over necessities
those kind of mistakes are too expensive
‘meant it’ is not even good to mention
so show me your diet
And maybe I’ll try it…”

She finally gave up
and now I have the chance
She’s in the process of standing still,
and now I have to dance
She knows how, but wants to know if I can
She’s sitting down,
observing my stance
ready to feed off of me
Vegetarian,
but will eat meet in the middle,
agreement
and visual
I SEE HER
She’s visible
turning off my words
it’s my action that She listens to…

Allowance.

-see

©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

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