Thought for the Moment [#7]

Stop asking/begging/wishing for people to love you the way “you want to be loved”.

It’s almost an impossible trek.

What you should look for is someone who loves themselves the way you want to be loved.

That way, “loving you”, that way, is something NATURAL and automatic to them.

If you find someone willing to change and alter everything about themselves, to accommodate you, eventually you are going to find [that] person either diluted of their true self or a person with only a perpetrated version of who they believe YOU WANT them to be. And that is draining. It will drain them. It will become a drain to you. And you’ll ultimately lose them or their attention to someone who allows and accepts them for being WHO THEY ARE!

Even before that eventuality though, you’ll probably get bored and tired of someone who is only obeying your command and not capable of any individuality or ability to exhibit or express their innate love ability, on their own, to you. Because you will only have a person who is suffering to you.

A mate who submits to you is one who knows their own power but is strong enough to give you a sense of control and authority for the sake of a mutual objective. A person who surrenders to you is someone who has “given up” such power or control of themselves and has either desperately, or under duress, lost such to someone or something outside of themselves. Love is no fun under surrender. It’s not even love. It is control and captivity, made possible through insecurity and fear.

Such is how and why distrust, dishonesty, and disloyalty, are able to deconstruct and disable a relationship, by becoming it’s disease.

You do deserve to be loved, a particular and specific way, but know that way is not often going to find you. You have to find it, in you. Then you have to study and learn ALL ABOUT it. Then you have to spend time with it and nurture it into a well-meaning and deserving thing. You must test and try it, on yourself. Then you must offer it up to the vulnerability and unknowingness of what “life” is.
Because people can try their best and damnedest to want to give you the specific love that you desire/deserve, but “life” happens. Things happen. Stuff happens. And when things happen, people revert to what are their automatic default settings, their internal feelings and emotions. Those feelings, thoughts, or actions, are what they feel and believe about of and for themselves. They are reflex and natural. Without provocation they are tuning and preferences aligned with their own wants and needs.
So when faced or presented with adverse situation and/or consequence, how they love becomes relative to a defense mechanism. A protection, a shield.
If how you fit in their lives is a matter of their constructing, and not a natural compliment to their composure, you will be severed and sacrificed as a matter of survival. It’s personal, having nothing at all to do with you, it’s about them. It’s about doing what is best for them.

Same with you. If you step outside of your body and true self to make yourself like or love someone, for their sake especially, and that love is unreciprocated or unrequited, you will- in the event of chaos or consequence- abandon that sacrifice, to save yourself. Sometimes you don’t even need to be prompted by an event, because a lack of emotion or energy, substantial enough to adequately satisfy your needs and desires, will be grounds for you to redirect your attention and focus from someone who is unable to recognize or receive you properly. That “proper” is according to your specific request, of which you are entitled and expected to have.
Too often, people forget themselves for the sake of relationship or companionship, in order to present a particular perception. It’s for an image, for an idea, for someone else!

Love, the kind you are looking for, or the kind that is looking for you, takes time to materialize. It requires time to be learned and tested. It requires elements and stages of cycles and seasons in order to grow beyond the surface and appearance. That “real” love takes a great deal of experience and expertise, per say, in order to be conscious and aware, the way it needs to be present for you. Or from you.

You have to do it. You have to go through what you have to go through and learn what must be learned. That requires experiences and time. It will most likely include some hurt and harm, self-inflicted, to be sure and certain. It is a process. An arduously time-consuming delicate process. And it comes without guarantee. Because love is a gamble, subject to the law of chance and risk. You may win, you may lose. And neither has anything to do with luck.

They have EVERYTHING to do with you. Theoretically, you’re the only one that can deal with you the way you need to be dealt with. You set the terms and pace of how you are loved. You determine what you will or will not allow, take, do, or sacrifice. You make the choices and decisions about who comes into your life, and how they play whatever part they do. You determine when and all other matters relevant to what is in your control.

And then you give that all up to chance. And hope that it works out. Not for the best, but for you.


©2014 Cornelious “See” Flowers


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