The part of You, I want… [POEM]

There is a part of you
I want
and I have discovered life to be
quite mundane without it
a routine in redundancy,
a judgement clouded
by the mist of missed signals
and mentions
that went without saying,
repetitiously
without playing the sounds
that are necessary
or needed
I once believed that
I deserved to suffer
as opposed to something
better
because she had always wanted more
and I had always let her
by the fault of my faith
pretending that it was okay
so I never chased,
not even once,
serendipitously
I just let it be
didn’t choose
didn’t seek
didn’t push
didn’t leave
didn’t blink
let it happen organically

and it left with ease (quit)

kept me in the fold (relapse)
recollections of my cold
set the tone and temperature
of my scold (detach)
carried my rebuke
into you
I had done more
to ignore
than implement
and the impression
grew to be intimate
so I entered it
hinted at a sense
that was deliberate
but called it more like
and magnificent
to the letter,
indigenous
but our instinct
was infinite
so we finished it

part of you
never even left
it stayed somewhere else
and was never going to give in
was always going to find reason
to be reminded
I was just the perfect lost soul
to find it
less of a requirement
more of a reminder
that you only wanted hope
heaven was too good for you
you only wanted (dope)
I wasn’t the kind of hit
that was good enough to
so you chose both
me in the light,
substance in the dark
both of us close
and you trying to manage
which of us
would be more damage
a past that never knew better
or a future that knows too well
the unfamiliar of could be pleasure
or the comfort of going through hell

I know how this works
play this game
until it hurts
or at least for long enough
to find out that doing both
isn’t as bad as it seems
if you value its worth

and there is a part of you
that I would do that for
would become whomever
and do whatever
to do that more
just to be a part of something
that could do that, or
at least have that,
an addiction,
that starts with you
maintained through hits,
a spark or two
enough to satisfy the piece of me
that wants,
a part of you.

-see

©2015 Cornelious “See” Flowers
@seethepoet

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