Wish I was there… [POEM]

In that moment
should have been what you wanted
to be far away, to have been saved
to still be innocent, to just be brave
to at least be strong enough
to fight back,
but you can’t…

You’re still trying
to figure out what is happening
and why it’s happened
how it began
and if you could have
made it different,
by any chance
but you don’t understand
you’re just trying to stand still
while crying there
and trying to decide
how much more difficult
would dying be
than lying there
all the while deciding
if the silence
that this will undoubtedly cost you
will ever be fair
and haunt the voice
of such a horrible person
that you know as loved one
and everyone else knows
as relative
in the midst of trying
to redefine trust
and justify forgiveness
being relative
knowing that you will never forget
and time is no sedative

Why do good people do bad things?
what kind of sick is this?
what did I do to make them feel this way?
do I deserve it?

All questions pondered and posed
while you are being exposed to evil in a most beautiful way
this is something so natural
and pure and yours
that someone
who is supposed to
have your best interest at heart,
is taking away
you wish upon all of the heaven you have ever heard of
just praying that anybody’s God
just might take this away

No answer
and you have to wait
facing a pain
that would have you hate
all the while conscious
of no such thing as safe

No distractions available
not one hope in sight
nothing there to stable you
unable to leverage any fight
as you fall into submission
screaming silent through your eyes
but seeing who won’t listen
as you crawl into disguise

Coping won’t exist
and closure is a myth
time only serves you prison
and death presents a gift

less you awake from this dream
to remember no such thing
and instead become once again
a simple human being

not the monster this has made you
but fate didn’t save you
a nightmare steals away your sleep
curse the memory that enslaves you

You don’t believe
you don’t tell your story how
you don’t proceed
you never get past now

to being free you are unaware,
I wish that I was there.


©2016 Cornelious “See” Flowers


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