Part 27.
Lessons well EARNED.

Oh, I didn’t stop writing the “parts”. I spent 30 years trying to have a one-on-one with Hazel. I, foolishly, (with good and sincere intent though) expected a different outcome to our story. Never expected that she’d die and I’d never get the opportunity to look her in the eyes and say the things that I’d planned to say.

Especially with her being so close. So accessible. So touchable. But instead of me taking up an offense and forcing myself onto her and putting myself in a position of unknown outcome, I gave her every opportunity to accept my invitations, respond to my requests, oblige my offers to meet up. She didn’t. But stupidly, I wanted and for some reason, expected her to.

The reality of that has been hard to manage these last few weeks. Although I’m “free” of the bogeyman that casted the shadow over my life for all of these years, I’m not all the way unattached to what was my unrelenting desire to face that demon. (And by demon, I mean the enemy of my thoughts and hopes and faith. Hazel committed a devilish act, but I’m of no authority to attribute the title of Satan to her. Look, I make no bones about the fact that I didn’t like her. But, many people did. And for some people she was quite an angel. To those that want to protect that image, stay away from my words. Cause I’m going to tell you what Jesus loves [THE TRUTH], and you might not want that. Keep pretending. This is the reality section over here.)

Let me be honest and clear about something else… We all deserve grace and kindness and mercy. Even whilst being held accountable and responsible and up to the standards of expectation that require justice and consequence and penalty for our actions, transgressions, and sin.
With that being said, I’ve laid off a little bit while the family mourns. Especially her children. They didn’t kill my Mother. And they loved theirs.

I know, how considerate.

Hazel was responsible for the taking of my Mother’s life. She took about 30 years of mine. And none of that was fair. It wasn’t right. It shouldn’t have happened.

But it did. And because of it, well- hopefully you’ve been keeping up with our story- a lot of other stuff happened.

Oh, the point…
I didn’t spend the last 30 years being strong, resilient, patient, consistent, hopeful, understanding, faithful, diligent, nor inconsistent, erratic, stressed, depressed, hurt, frustrated, desperate, broken, troubled, confused, isolated, exiled, or impoverished, to not be able to turn ALL OF THAT into something that benefits someone. There’s a message in my life and I’m going to deliver that message. To someone. It’s for someone. That includes me, and the someone watching/listening and learning from me.

I’m looking forward to doing that.

Good Morning!!!

©️2024 Cornelious “See” Flowers