Men are expected to produce.
Men are expected to produce.
Men are expected to produce.

As little boys, we are taught and repeatedly told what men are supposed to do.
Men are supposed to protect. Men are supposed to provide. Men are supposed to produce.

Since you are a man, you are supposed to be the strong one, the unemotional one, the responsible one, the disciplined one, the dependable one, the aggressive one, the accountable one.
For many “boys” these expectations are imposed on and expected of them as very small children. We are trained and raised up this way. Because it is the way it is, or because it’s the way that it has to be, or because it is the way that it has been.
And so on. Because, again:
Men protect. Men provide. Men produce.

Most little boys hear these things and desire to fulfill these roles. They aspire to be the “Man of the house”. They want the title and duties that come with that idea of manhood.
I believe that most of it is innate. There is absolutely a sense of responsibility for the safety, security, and significance of others, that males are born with. Naturally. It’s not just societal or pseudo-narrative. It is a combination of characteristics; physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. There is something to being a “man” and what that means in the dynamic of life.
Some little boys want the title because of observation and perception. They saw someone in that role that they admired, or they saw someone- like their mother- suffer, from not having that role fulfilled.

Then “life” happens.

And once life starts happening, most “men” have to immerse themselves in production. Searching or finding for their best way to be productive.

Because in our life, we have to produce.

As a child we are told to “man-up”. Boys are told they are not supposed to cry or complain.
“That’s what girls do.”, “Are you a sissy?”, “You some kind of punk?”, “You want a dress with them tears?”… I heard all of that and more. “Feelings are for females” is the message I got from it. So many of us get that message, and we suppress our feelings because we want to be “men”, and men, for the most part, we’re not supposed to feel.

And life gets to really happening.

And life doesn’t give breaks.

Too many “men” don’t get a break. Never had a break. A break to process life. A break to heal from life. A break to gather and gain a perspective.

A break from the pressure to produce.

So they pile on the issues, the problems, the trauma, the dilemmas, the pressures, the challenges, the circumstances, the situations, the hurts, the pains, the losses, and everything else that life puts onto them. Without the proper balance, help, or understanding.

Men need help. Men need understanding. Men need balance.

Without those things, men do their best to “get through”. And to get through, they cope. Coping mechanisms that become routine, habit, and tradition. Even generational. They cope by means of silence. They cope by means of aggression. They cope by means of violence. They cope by means of abuse.

They abuse things. They abuse alcohol. They abuse drugs. They abuse gambling. They abuse sex. They abuse people. They abuse their own selves.

This is not to excuse behavior; Just explain some of it.

We all experience stuff. We all have ups and downs. We all go through. We all suffer. We all struggle. We all make mistakes.

The thing is, not all of us are given the grace, the mercy, the empathy, the compassion, or the time to deal with the stuff we go through. We don’t get adequate time to process, let alone heal. So we compartmentalize and compound the hurts, the problems, the traumas, the secrets, the stresses, the pressures, the feelings, the mistakes, the voids, the anger, the depression, the issues, and everything else. While trying to keep up the pace and progress of being or becoming what a “man” should be.

Add to that society. Add to that history. Add to that race. Add to that the economy. Add to that poverty. Add to that miseducation.

No adequate tools of techniques taught on how to deal though.

Just, “man-up”.

I’ve been behind a barber chair for almost 30 years. I’ve listened to, and learned from, thousands of boys and men. Especially black boys and men. Specifically black boys and men.

So when I look at the world we see today, the world that we criticize and complain about. Especially as it relates to what black boys and black men are or are not doing. I understand why it’s like this. I see why it’s like this.

I have hope though. Because I’ve listened to us. I hear our cries and pleas for help. For time. For healing. For a chance. For grace. For mercy. For love. For therapy. For support. For loyalty. For understanding.

We want to do more. We want to be more. We want to have more. We want to give more. We want to produce.

-see

©️2023 Cornelious “See” Flowers

@seethepoet