Any relationship, any partnership, any situationship, any marriage, is capable of going the distance when both people are fully committed to doing what is necessary and required to go the distance. It takes work, a lot of work:
Communication and comprehension. Understanding and empathy.
Passion and compassion.
Faith and forgiveness.
Balance and consistency.
Spontaneity and trust.
Flexibility and growth.
Romance and emotion.
Honesty and accountability.
Vulnerability and determination.
Focus and concentration.
Prioritization and respect.

It takes all of that. To start.

And, you both have to want it. You have to be in a space and have the capacity to want it.

Because it’s not easy. There is nothing easy about it. Then there are the distractions, the dysfunctions, and the deliberate attempts of sabotage that come from all kinds of sources. Known and more specifically, unknown. The unsuspecting sources. The jealous and envious sources that you have your guard down to. The sources that rooted for you, supported you, celebrated you. The same sources that will drop hints and crumbs of doubt and distortion into the atmosphere.

You, both of you, have to expect and survive all of that. While being human. Humans with needs and feelings and issues and growth spurts and change-seasons. Humans with natural curiosity and questions and concerns. Humans that will change. Changes that prompt insecurity and enable the opportunity for outside influence.

Then there’s finances. Those economic emotions. The money problems. The responsibilities, the obligations, the bills, the commitments. The vices. The habits. The choices. Things that you have to agree and disagree on. Agree to disagree on. Agree or disagree on.

And there is the past. You both had one of those. The past comes up every now and again. The past will drop in, here and there. Sometimes you know how to deal with the past. Other times the past finds a space in your present. Complicates the future. It happens. It is going to happen. You have to be realistic about that. And converse about that. Deal with that. Be open and honest about that. Whatever the “past” is: past relationships, past lovers, past traumas, past hurts, past mistakes, past habits, past routines, past desires, past problems, past issues. Anything of the past that is capable of triggering you. Triggering you into or out of a comfort zone.

Y’all have to deal with that. But y’all can deal with that.

Y’all have to acknowledge and understand yourselves as individuals. Because there you will achieve a respect for yourself that establishes standards and boundaries. Those standards and boundaries are what present you ready and capable of being present in your relationship, partnership, companionship, situationship, or marriage. That understanding will be the structure that your friendship is based on. Being able to be friends is key. You won’t be friends all the time. But you’ll be friends at the right time. Friendship is key.

And faith. Not necessarily a religion. Not a specific spirituality. But you, both of you, must have faith. Faith that grounds you and gives you a broader perspective towards life. Comparable faith. Faith that you can trust and observe together. Faith that you can use as you go into negotiation/resolution/compromise modes. Faith that you can register your humility in. Faith that can substitute as a binding agent, when your love, desire, hope, friendship, history, trust isn’t enough. Faith that can cover the two of you, together, as well as separately.

Sometimes you’ll have to get counseling, or therapy. Because you’ll need another perspective. A responsible and responsive perspective. An outlet. An outlet that respects and regards your relationship. Some of the places and people that you think you can vent to are not. You can’t. You shouldn’t.

Also, there will come a time when you’ll just need some space. A break, a cool-out period. Time to decompress and reconstruct yourselves. A timeout from the confines and constraints that being in a relationship holds you to. Not a break to “break-free”, but a break to breakdown. Because you need that. You need the time to yourself, for yourself. Time away. Probably regularly. This is healthy. It’s necessary. Both of you need that. Not the “guy or girl trips” that are really not in the best interest of your relationship, but time and space for you to center and collect yourself, to do some of the things that you require for you. For refreshment, for review, for relaxation. No matter what your relationship status is, you need some “alone” time. You need some social interaction. You need a break.
Y’all need to communicate and compromise on what that looks like for each of you. So that it is understood and respected on both sides.

The other thing that gets in the way of what you and your person have going on is the desire or decision to rely on the history/tradition/routine of what people say you’re supposed to be. Here’s one of the realest truths that I know: Y’ALL HAVE TO DECIDE WHAT Y’ALL’S RELATIONSHIP IS! Your marriage ain’t your parents marriage, or your pastors marriage, or that “perfect” marriage that you saw or heard about. Your relationship, partnership, companionship, situationship, or marriage is YOURS. It is what the two of YOU agree on. It is what the two of YOU decide and determine it to be. That’s where that communication and comprehension, consisting of the honesty and transparency and vulnerability and flexibility, come in. This is where the two of YOU choose what y’all have and want and what work it will take to maintain that specific thing. And that’s y’all’s business. The more you keep it y’all’s business, the less anyone can distract, disrupt, or destroy what y’all build.

That’s enough to start, I think you get the picture.

The point is that it can work. I promise it can. No matter what the obstacle or situation is, whatever the challenges are.
It takes work. It takes a willingness to work. It takes y’all working on it. It takes y’all working it out. It takes y’all working together.

Until the very end.

And guess what, I ain’t said nothing about love.

-see

©️2023 Cornelious “See” Flowers