You’re struggling with something. This something has been your coping mechanism to help you deal with, cope with, or avoid the insecurity/anxiety/depression/guilt/shame that cripples you or debilitates you, or hurts you in a way that is destructive to you and those around you. You try your best to avert and avoid the emotions/environments that promote/provoke you to fall back into the spell of the disease that is your addiction to this thing. It is hard. It is a struggle. It is a painful challenge. An inconvenient, irregular, incredibly painful challenge. It has cost you almost everything you have: time, health, relationships, money, opportunities, peace, and more. It has or is destroying your life and the way you live.
You’ve tried, and are trying, your damndest to avoid the triggers that send you back into the tailspin of habitual behavior. But you’re struggling, and that prompts you to fall back into the routine/regimen of chaos and calamity that comes as a result of your “problem”.
You’re trying your hardest to maintain/manage yourself in the face of this formidable opponent.
It’s so hard. So hard to function. So hard to find a consistent pattern and path to be free of this thing that has you hostage. You’ve hid it for as long as you could until it’s dogged you. It’s making a fool of you. It’s got you in a chokehold. It’s so hard to see a way out.
And another trigger. Another something that is able to get you back into the depths of that hell. Another circumstance or situation that somehow cracks you over the head and concusses you into seeking relief by the virtues of that poison. That thing that you know is killing you. But numb is a better way to feel than not knowing how to.
Here you go… Another bender. Another relapse. Another mistake. Another episode of you trying to attain forgiveness from so many people because of something you’ve done.
You don’t know what to do now.
You don’t know who to ask for help.
You don’t know if you’re ready for help.
You don’t think you can be helped.
The only fix is the fix that you know.
Cycle. Spiral. Cycle. Spiral. Cycle.
—
You’re not alone.
You need to know that you’re not alone.
I just want you to know that it gets better. You can get better. You can choose to get better. You’re going to get better. You can beat that thing.
You’re going to beat that thing.
I believe in you.
I believe you.
-see
©️2023 Cornelious “See” Flowers
